Sorry for the lousy picture post yesterday, I was just being lazy, HAHAHAHAHAHA! :D Yesterday was a real eventful and I'll like to think a turning point in Michelle's life. Even though Michelle and I are in the same school, the truth is we barely get to meet each other, let alone catch up!
I can't really remember what happened during lectures and CCAs but what I do remember is the returning journey from Temasek Polytechnic. How could I not? I think this is one of the rare times that Michelle actually opened up to me after the incident with Sheryl. Remember me saying that I did not trust Michelle? Now, I really do.
She confided in me her deepest fears and freely admitted that she was a coward. There's really nothing wrong with that. Everybody is a coward deep down inside them. It takes courage to admit it. Now, you're probably wondering what sparked this turn in our conversation that night right? Well, it started with this simple line:
Why are you not trying to keep in contact with the rest of the clique?
I got a lot of replies from her when I asked her that question but I knew they were not the true reasons. She was lying to me and to herself. She told me she had not enough time. I told her this, time can be managed by humans. She told me that she's not close with certain people. I told her that she knew that what she was saying herself were excuses. She knew it! She was just seeking means to justify her behaviour.
I'm not judging Michelle, I'm merely stating the truth. We are all afraid of separation. We are all afraid of pain. However, by avoiding the issue due to fear of pain, you're giving the pain power over you. You're belittling yourself!
That night was a healing night both for her and for me. We both finally admit to ourselves the feelings pent up inside us. She could not bring herself to meet people from the past cause she was afraid of the pain of separation. I could not forgive myself for my own mistakes in the past and so I am trapped in the past and is unable to move forward.
Will that session solve our life long issues? No. But the main point is knowing that you're taking the first step in the right direction. By Michelle admitting that she had a deep fear of pain, it showed me that she possessed the courage inside her and that it was just waiting to be coaxed out. IT ALSO SHOWED ME HOW MUCH SHE ACTUALLY TREASURED FRIENDSHIP. That ultimately restored my trust in her.
We all have issues in the past that are undeniably affecting our present, causing us to be stuck in the past. We all have our share of bad experiences. The key issue is this, are you gonna keep running away forever or are you gonna stay and face the music?
Recently, I have no idea why, but a lot of my friends seem to be going through some emotional turmoil in their lives. I've had my fair share of heart wrenching love stories but when it happens to one of my friends, I realise that it just takes the cake!
All my friends out there, especially Michelle since this entry was addressed to you in the first place, be brave! The first step to doing so is to admit your true feelings. Be honest with yourself. Many a times, you may say that you don't know what you're feeling or you're feeling okay but you know something? Most of the time you KNOW but you're just hiding cause you're afraid of the answer you'll find within yourself.
I'll give you an example, one day, friend A, friend B and me were chatting online on facebook. Suddenly, the topic of feelings was brought up and friend A started turning emo. She said this:
I don't know if I still like him anot.
Friend B didn't know what to do or what to say, so naturally, I took over. I begin questioning friend A about her feelings and the more I questioned her, the more I felt that she was being evasive. It seemed like she did not want to answer my questions cause she was afraid of the answer herself. Fear breeds denial. It was just like me questioning Michelle. It's the same concept and logic.
I'm an avid fan of dog whisperer and as the more I continued watching that show, the more I learnt from it. Cesar Millan said this once: The good things about animals is that they always live in the now. They don't care about what happened in the past or how much you earn everyday. They don't care if you have a high class job or if you're homeless. All they care is about the energy you are projecting and the role you play in their lives, be it the follower or pack leader.
When I heard him say that, I instantly understood where he was coming from. Since then, I've been really trying to treat dogs like dogs and apply dog psychology to the dogs I know and even to my hamsters! It works! Positive energy breeds positive energy and negative energy breeds negative energy. Life is just that simple.
Therefore, I choose to remain positive most of the time. It's high time I started spreading the joy everywhere now right? I wanna breed positive energy around me. I want everybody in my life to feel happy. I want to chase away depression! :D
That being said, I'm not claiming to be an expert on this field or to say that facing your fears is an easy thing to do. No, it isn't! Do you recall me saying that I cried on bus 25? Well, that is because I finally faced my fears straight on. I finally confronted myself. Did I feel extreme pain? Yes. Did I feel anguished? YES. But the main point is after I had overcome that pain and anxiety, the deepest sense of inner peace filled my heart and for that moment, I was a balanced human being. ^^
I don't know where I'm actually going with this but I just wanted all of my friends to know that it's okay to be sad but not okay to be depressed. Don't let yourself go rock bottom by masking all your emotions and exploding them out suddenly when they no longer can be contained. In fact, let yourself relax and let your negative emotions out periodically. Remember, we do not wish to breed negative energy to our pets through these negative emotions and not to mention the people surrounding us.
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