Today, I've learnt something from my juniors, and that is that I should NEVER give up. I can't tell you how ashamed I felt when I said those words to Timlin and how RELIEVED I felt when I heard him say that he was disappointed in me for saying those words...
Weird, huh? I'm actually happy that he scolded me back. But you know, hearing him talk, I could really tell that his heart is in band. Really. Same goes for Howjin and Jason..
They are all such EXCELLENT juniors and I don't know what I've done to deserve them! Of course, Howjin is from the trombone section but I'm sure Michelle and Yilian are real proud too, right? :D
Man, I'm their senior, I CAN'T LOSE OUT TO THEM TOO! I've gotta buck up and work real hard from now on..
Prelims are ongoing, Os are coming, I've gotta work extra hard from now on...
Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed. Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger an endless aching need. I say love, it is a flower and you its only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance, It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give and the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long, and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose
LOVE THIS SONG. I especially love this part of the lyrics:
"...and the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live."
It's really true. If we let death take hold of us, then we'll never learn to live..
WELL, I'M HAPPY, because I've learn to live through death.
"A leader is not a leader if he has never been tried.."
I'm so tired now I swear I can collapse, but because my stubborn mind refused to sleep until it's satisfied by watching Detective Conan, I've got no choice but to be using the computer now.
Man, today's been a real LONNNNGGG day. Firstly, woke up at 7.30am to bathe and go church! As usual, I slept on the way in cab, and slept in church. Seriously man, I'm totally not like a christian.
Anyway, after that, it was as usual, TOO early to go for SWS, therefore, I studied with my sis at mac first. YAY! Imma proud to say that I completed revision for transport in plants. And so after revising that chapter, I took a long long nap. A real LONG one, approximately 38min.
AND THEN IT WAS SWS! Omg, imagine my surprise when I didn't see him there. The guy who is constantly there, my SAVIOUR!!!! As a result, I screwed up the practise today.. :(
I should totally stop relying on that guy. I'm like seriously way too dependant on him. Amelia, YOU MUST BE INDEPENDENT! Man, if only it works that way..
But speaking of SWS, next week's gonna be my last practise there. I'm so gonna miss my tuba mann.. :'(
TUBA!!!!!!
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Sighs... It's gonna be real hard studying from now on. Even though currently all I want is to really just grab my tuba and practise real hard to hone my skills back, I've got to wait till Os are over...
Sighs, it's only the second day of Prelims and I already feel brain drained.. :(
AND SOCIAL STUDIES IS KILLING ME! Why can't bloody Sri Lanka, Northern Ireland, and Bonding Singapore get into my head? WHY?!
Not to mention Governance, Iraq Kuwait and deterrence and diplomacy.... Yes, I WANTED to study three themes, but I really can't memorise all the content so I gave up in the end.
Man, I feel so unprepared for prelims... SO UNPREPARED. I totally deserve it if I don't know how to do the exam paper tomorrow.
Really, why the hell am I still using the computer when I have other important things to do like studying social studies?
I feel like a procrastinating bitch.
Let's try self-nag then,
AMELIA, GO STUDY!!!!
And it proved to be ineffective.... as expected...
OKAY. I MUST NOT GIVE UP. JIAYOUS.
The first korean song after the spam of Chinese songs..
The song that used to mean so much to me, but is nothing but a pack of lies now..
It's not that I don't like them. No, I still like them, it's just that I've given up hope on DBSK ever reuniting again.
Really given up.
Anyway, enjoy the song. It's kinda nice anyway.
P.S. 'W' is the sign of Cassiopeia, DBSK's fanclub and a star constellation made of five points, which represents the five individual members respectively..
(W) by JYJ English Translation
The letters that the stars created in the night sky
I still believe that it is not just by chance
In the same darkness, in the same distance
We are painting the W in the same way
We will shine more and more so that you can find us
Keep in mind that I love you.
I wish…
Our paths will cross again, I am thinking about you every time I close my eyes, you’re everything
It is still natural that you are by our side
We can only wish that you are happy
We will climb our stairs one by one
We are still waiting for you, imagining our future
I wish..
Our paths will cross again, I am thinking about you every time I close our my eyes, you’re everything
It is still natural that you are by our side
We will keep your place here, until the day we can meet again
We believe that we can laugh together with you once again
You’re my love Please hold on
Even when the days pass by, and that there may be pains
You are always our “PRIDE”
The words that you murmured to the stars shining in the nightsky
We still believe that it is not “Good bye”
Under the same sky, dreaming the same dream
We are still searching for the W We will always shine in the same shape
keep in mind that I love you.
I want to see you, see you
I want to see you, see you
I want to see you, see you
I want to see you, see you, see you
I wish…
Our paths will cross again, I am thinking about you every time I close my eyes, you’re everything
It is still natural that you are by our side
We will keep your place here, until the day we can meet again
We believe that we can laugh together with you once again
It's sad how people can be forgotten so easily. Yes, he is not good-looking, but he has a nice voice, and that should be what matters to be a singer, isn't it?
Sadly, it's always not the case in reality.. Seems like what all current modern society cares about is just looks, looks and looks.
Yes, I gotta admit it. I do prefer looking at guys who are handsome than guys who are not. But seriously, does it matter? I think that if I'm looking for a good singer, I would care more of his vocals than his looks.
Sighs. Maybe now I should announce this mystery singer who has been mostly forgotten by the world right now..
I thereby present....
歐得洋!!
Yes, this is how he actually looks like. I bet now you're thinking who is he right?? Well, he has a nice voice but sadly, the moment he revealed his face, his fame fell drastically.
This can't help but make me think, is this what it's all about? If you have looks, you win. If you don't have it, go for surgery to get looks.
DOES LOOKS REALLY MATTER?
Sadly, I'm also kinda hypocritical here since when he revealed his face, I also scolded him for cheating my feelings. ==
So yes, I guess I can come up to the conclusion that really, human beings are just hypocrites. Yay!
Ate lunch with Tingwei and Yilian after school, then studied with Huiqin and Devi at the library. YEAH~ I'M FINALLY STUDYING..... ^^
Today was not so productive though... I SLEPT FOR 45min in the library. I must have been so exhausted then. OH well. Let's see, today I've completed the Xinmin paper for chemistry, AC2 paper for amaths, nothing for emaths and NOTHING FOR PHYSICS AND BIOLOGY!
In other words, I, Amelia Choo Shu Xian, am SO SCREWED. Bloody shit. At this rate that I'm not practising my physics and not studying biology, I can seriously prepare to fail my sciences. SERIOUSLY.
Damn it, Amelia. STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!
JIAYOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. Good luck for Yilian and Tingwei who are taking their oral on Monday.. (see? I'm so good. :P)
From now on, expect me to post a lot of chinese songs up. I'm into Chinese music these days and I just love how some chinese song lyrics can be so wonderfully written. :D
Shall just update my blog for the sake of updating.. Today, we got back our mother tongue results, and guess what?
I GOT AN A1 and distinction for overall and oral. In other words, I'm one of the lucky 37 bitches who got As for their chinese. But the funny thing is, I didn't feel particulary happy about it.
How could I? Everywhere, there were people crying over their results. Compared to their intense sorrow, my joy was so insignificant and minute. It was nothing...
In the end, I chose not to celebrate, but to comfort others instead.
Yes, I know. It seems so hypocritical of me to encourage those who scored lower than me. But seriously, if it was your friend crying, would you sit back and do nothing? No, right? It was one of those times I felt quite helpless though. They were sad, and needed comforting, but it was something I, who scored better than them, had no right to give..
I guess life can be quite weird that way. You scored well for your subjects, but somehow, you don't feel like you have the right to be happy..
After all, you can never celebrate in front of people that are crying .... right?
Sighs. This is just chinese though. There's still the final sprint for Os.
Here's just a quick update on life cause I'M ABSOLUTELY exhausted even though there's so much to do and study.
Firstly, O LEVEL MT RESULTS ARE RELEASING TOMORROW.
Am I nervous? Yes, I am. But you know, I don't really expect to get A1 haha. My oral was damn screwed. :(
YUP. Other than the fact that I'm trying to do the impossible by LITERALLY cramming knowledge into my brain, there's really nothing to update in my life.
If you wander off too far, my love will get you home. If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home. If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home.
If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home. If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home. If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home. When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home. If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home, Boy, my love will get you home.
It's so dreamy, romantic... and yet sweet... Oh speaking of romantic,
WHAT BEATS SITTING WITH YOUR LOVER UNDER A STARRY NIGHT SKY? Definitely romantic!
OR WATCHING THE SUNRISE AT THE BEACH WITH YOUR LOVED ONE?
I really don't expect much you know, I don't need to watch the above with a loved one or boyfriend or whatever you call it, I JUST WANNA SEE IT!
Curse the fact that Singapore has so few stars.....
I WANNA SEE STARS!!!
(I bet Devi's so bored of hearing this..)
OH yeah.. Me and Devi studied yesterday at the library, then at MAC! It was till quite late and was not so productive, but I think the highlight of the day was when she talked about her hometown in Indonesia and I kept saying I wanna see the stars there. LOL.
But I seriously wanna see the stars there....
DAMN.
T-T
Later studying with Yilian after tuition with Tessa..
And then went to mac, I can sense that Amelia was angry at me. I was late.
But I didn't try to explain myself. I'm at wrong no matter what. Well, I'm not at the mood.
Firstly, I was not angry. Tingwei suggested that we all ignore Yilian for fun but Jolibbee forgot it. That's all. =.=
So when Bee had to leave, I planned to move in to join Amelia and Tingwei.
But then, the moment I go to them, Amelia ignored me again.
I was like what the hell.
Secondly I was not ignoring you. I was just doing my work. Well, if you say I'm ignoring you means that I'm ignoring Jolibbee too right? Oh well.
Then after thinking, I might as well leave too.
What for I stay when I'm not welcomed and I have to look at her ignore me and the awkward atmosphere. So I went to pack my bag and back to them to bid goodbye, when she burst out that she thought I'm staying till late night so she got ready everything and I actually want to leave. Ytd I had planned to stay for the whole day but I didn't inform her so she didn't get ready and today when she's ready I didn't inform her I'm not staying.
I got a shock again. I mean, I plan to move in to study with them, but she gave me that look so I might as well leave. But thinking of it, she ignored me because I said I wanted to leave
Thirdly, I was thinking since you don't wish to stay then forget it. Yeah, I was a tad pissed, okay, maybe QUITE pissed but since you looked so tired and it's not productive for you then fine, forget it. I was just grumbling to Tingwei about how you should have informed me earlier, that's all.
I guess it's because we're not frank with each other.
No, you got it wrong, maybe cause you don't understand me just like how I don't understand you. If you think about it, the only time when I was actually ignoring you was when you told me you wanted to leave, that was when I was pissed.
But I guessed it's like that isn't it? Lack of mutual understanding leading to silly misunderstandings....
I give up. It seems to be getting more tiring to maintain a friendship with someone and all my friendships ARE crumbling.
Maybe it's high time I stop expecting people to understand me.. They never get it right anyway..
It is cleared up already, though I still don't really like the fact that even my close friends can't tell if I'm angry anot. I guess it's more of sadness and disappointment.
This song is real nice, I heard it on the radio and immediately fell in love with it. (:
Today went to SWS, and as expected, my skills deproved a lot. Sighs. Why is it ALWAYS deproving and NEVER improving? Is it because I lack practice, or do I simply not have the talent?
Man, I seriously hate my sound now. ITS ALL THROAT SOUND!!!! And it sucks... LIKE HELL.
Still, now's the time to focus on my studies, not on band, so I guess my tuba skills can continue deproving... TT
I'm sorry tuba, I'll work hard after Os, and play you real well...
Anyway, that's all I have to say. Tomorrow studying with Yilian, Tingwei, Michelle and Shimin at AMK library. JIAYOUS JIAYOUS JIAYOUS! :D P.S. I went to Yilian's house for the first time. (:
Slacked the whole day off today. Shit man. Prelims is in 18 days and yet, here I am, still slacking... At this rate, I might as well not sit for O levels as my results are gonna suck like hell... Geez, Amelia, will it kill you to study till Os end?
Actually, it kinda would. I mean look at me! I already look like a half-zombie to everybody who saw me. STUDYING IS OFFICIALLY KILLING ME. Still, I gotta to say I'm lucky. At the very least, I get the opportunity to study, unlike the less fortunate.
But seriously, it's getting kinda hard to focus here. I'm just way too tempted by things such as Facebook and my lovely Detective Conan:
TADA!! Doesn't it look cool? Seriously, I LOVE this anime. Granted, there aren't any hotties; the main guy is not even handsome, but the storyline's freaking unique. Just what is expected from an oldies anime! It's like everything's better when it's old. Example, wine, gin, anime, songs, and even INSTRUMENTS. Okay, I don't mean old until there's algae on it, *hint hint to Ms Mok*, but the fact that it's used by a human before. It's always better than a brand new one.
Speaking of band, I think that maybe it's time to seriously CUT DOWN my visits to Mayflower Concert Band. Yes, I know that I've been saying this for the past few months with no effect, but you know, I just can't help myself. It's like as though band has some mysterious power that constantly drags me over to it. Seriously. It's not my choice.
Still, that's no excuse. I guess I've got to restrain myself from now on and use it as a motivation instead. For example, I can say to myself, "No band until A1 and A2 maths papers are complete." (*This is just an example. I've already done them.*)
I bet it'll work.... or maybe not.. Well, the main point here is that I've got to find some way to prevent myself from continuously going band cause it's seriously affecting my study time, and God knows I need LOTS of it.
I guess I've gotta sort out my priorities and focus on my studies.
English Oral next week,
Prelims in 18 days,
and O levels in 70+ days time...
Now it's the only time to mug and I can't afford to think of anything else.
"There comes a point in life when you are weighed down by all your problems and you just wanna forget everything. It is at this point of time when the pain becomes too much too handle and you just want to end it all. You can no longer remember who you are and what you're living for. It is when these foolish thoughts comes creeping into your head that you get reminded of your past actions, and somehow. you don't mind repeating them. Because even if it was an instant, you wanted to forget it all."
"And then suddenly your friends' and families' faces flashed in your mind, and the memories start rushing back. It is at this moment that all the reasons you were desperately finding for suddenly becomes clear, and you find the reason to live again, simply just like that, A warmth spreads through your entire body, tingling your senses, and you remember who you are. You are you, a person who has family and friends who cares for her. A person who is strong, and does not repeat the same mistake. You then hold your head up high, and take pride in the fact that you didn't give into yout temptations, no matter how much you wanted to. "
Foolish thoughts lead to foolish actions which results in severe consequences. I have learnt my lesson, and found my resolve.
I will NEVER repeat the same mistake again.
Life is worth too much to be dying for..
Monday, August 1, 2011
I THEREBY PRESENT TO YOU....
ADOLF HITLER
I swear I got so sick of studying about Nazi Germany I almost wanted to murder Hitler himself. But well, he's already dead so that makes it impossible, but that's not the point here is it? THERE'S LIKE SO MUCH TO MEMORISE FOR THIS STUPID CHAPTER!! STUPID STUPID CHAPTER.... And I haven't studied Biology SPA yet.. :( So much for wanting to study in advance.
Okay... To anybody out there who's reading this post and wasting their precious time, the following will be spamming of history content. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
*AHHEMMM*
Reasons of Rise of Hitler:
1. Weakness of Weimar Government
Unable to maintain law and order in society
Opposed by the left (Communists)
Opposed by the right (supporters of Kaiser's rule)
2. Treaty of Versialles
Germans felt humilated by unjust terms of treaty of Versialles
Army felt "stabbed in the back" by the Weimar Government who signed the contract. (The army spread false rumours that Germany was not losing the war, even though their allies already negotiating for peace)
Caused Germans to detest the Weimar Govt. labelling them as "Novermber Criminals", and support Hitler who promised to restore Germany to its former glory
3. Great Depression
USA recalled all of its loans to Germany after Wall Street Crash in 1929
Removal of credit lead to collapse of German's economy (massive unemployment and food shortages)
Affected millions of Germans and they begin to blame the Weimar govt. for its inability of solve economic problems
Nazis offered hope, joy and pride, lead to Germans supporting Hitler, felt that Hitler's policies could create more jobs for them
4. Hitler's abilities
Hitler was an excellent speaker and charismatic leader, held elaborate rallies that captured people's hearts
Knew what the Germans wanted to hear and was able to convince the Germans that he was the man to vote for by promising them what they wanted
Came up with the 25 points in which he wanted to unite all Germans to form a Greater germany, end the TOV, and gain territories to provide space and food for German people
Powerful vision and ambition and his ability to draw people to his side through his dynamic speech won him respect and trust
Hitler also reorganised the Nazi Party.
He set up verious branches in different parts of Germany to reach out to Germans all over Germany
Created the youth movement to ensure that he won support from the youths who were part of the voting public
Held large public meetings to win over new members as well as to indoctrinate them in his beliefs and ambitions for Germany
Hitler's ideas were popular as many Germans wanted a strong and dignified Germany that is respected by other countries. Hitler thus gained support from many Germans as he was able to reach out to Germans from different walks of life
AND THOSE ABOVE ARE ONLY CAUSES. I haven't gone into impact yet. Shit man, I'm so screwed.....
