YO! Back from work. Muahaha. Work was, as usual, so EXCITING, and so FABULOUS that I'm SO HAPPY! Yeah, I know, sarcasm much? :)
Anyway, today's blogspot is dedicated to yesterday. Lol. Yesterday was very eventful. Firstly, for the sake of going to band and meeting NG TING WEI, I decided to sleep at 4am. Yes, it's early for me. (Would it hurt to mention that I usually sleep at 7am?)
So onto band! I woke up groggily, messaged Tingwei, then waited for 262. And once again, as usual, 262 always takes its own sweet time. So yada yada, I sat there like a stone waiting for the bus while blasting Goddess of Fire in my ears, feeling like I'm on fire myself. I mean seriously, why do I have to wait so long for a freaking bus? ==
So finally, I reached Mayflower. I was just walking around the school gate when memories of the previous band camps suddenly surfaced. It was like me walking by the classrooms while talking to myself, ahh, I did this and this with who and who. Yes, people were looking at me weirdly. They probably thought I was some psycho who escaped from IMH. Hah! My reply? I just smiled at them and scared them off even more. HAHAHAHAA!!!
Okay, I strayed from the topic, the point is Mayflower band, not the great Amelia Choo Shu Xian scaring off random strangers off the road. Anyway, I entered Mayflower band, returned the score, and heard Mr Tan's speech.
I guess Huayi, Christchurch and Mayflower band members should be very familiar with Mr Tan's naggings by now. But you know, in my entire lifetime in hearing Mr Tan grumpings, this is the only time I heard Mr Tan using such harsh words.
I just sat there and absorbed whatever he said, my heart breaking bit by bit. I cannot deny to myself at that point. I love band, and I can't just give up on it. Stupid, I know. Any idiot can tell I still like band, but I'm really clueless about myself these days.
Sighs. Do what? How to save band? AARGH! :( Don't feel like thinking about it. Then, when I heard the B flat major scales, my heart dropped. Timlin and Jason are clashing so badly and the worse part was they didn't even know it!! I just took my bag and walked off at that point. No point staying for more heartbreak.
Next, MET TINGWEI! Haha. I would say that's the fun part but honestly, shopping at orchard was HORRIBLE!! Horrible, horrible, horrible. We walked and walked and walked and still cannot find damn far east plaza. By then me and Tingwei were already half-dead. Still, we managed to take some photos with the elephants. :)
ME AND THE ELEPHANT.
TINGWEI AND THE ELEPHANT.
I consider this two photos plus many more that Tingwei have not uploaded the only nice thing that happened in Orchard. I mean please la, the drink costs 1.90 and the serving is so damn small. TOTAL WASTE OF MY MONEY! Grr.. >:(
The only fun part was the taking photos part, haha. Tingwei and me then started adopting the 'since this day is already ruined we might as well take more photos and compensate for it' attitude. Haha. Who knew man? The moment we started taking photos, WE COULDN'T STOP!!
We went everywhere also take photos. You can see the photos online on facebook. Alright. Stopping my post here. Not in the mood liao. Bye bye.
P.S. I'm going to continue this post some other day.
YOYOYO! Lol. Blogging to inform you guys that the fic has been updated. Yes, I know. FINALLY RIGHT? Haha. It's not that I don't have the inspiration okay? I'm just lazy and busy. (I wonder how one can be two at the same time.)
Anyway, I've been watching this anime called Kaze no Stigma. Kinda nice? Haha. I LOVE THE MAIN GUY! Okay, maybe he's not as cool as Usui, but he's cool enough. xD
AND TOMORROW I'M GOING SHOPPING WITH TINGWEI! Can't wait! Oops, forgot to mention the fact that my phone has conked out on me so you can't really contact me. Shit. I hate it when it spoils. Oh well, I didn't really treat it well either. Sighs. :( I need a phone desperately!!
So now I'm going to watch Kaze no Stigma. Tralala~ Bye bye!
P.S. I can't wait for work to end or for me to get fired. :)
Michelle got me a birthday present. SUPER SWEET! I was like very happy because I specifically requested for it. So, time to guess. What exactly is it that I want?
5..
4..
3..
2..
1..
IT'S A DIARY!! Muahaha~ I wanted a diary for so freaking long ever since I lost it. :( I was practically esctatic when I saw what Michelle bought. (okay, maybe not really surprised there since I DID tell her I want it after all)
But most importantly, the letter she wrote was really sweet and sincere. :) Oh~ Did I tell you guys how much I love receiving letters? It's totally awesome when you're feeling down to rummage through your drawers, read old letters receive from friends. It just instantly lifts your spirits!
And so, I was really touched when I read Michelle's letter. I really wasn't expecting her to write one for me, especially since a lot of problems occurred between us. Heck, I wasn't even aware that she knew that I've lost my trust in her! But when I read her letter, I knew. The words that were written on the page were not lies. They are promises, promises of a better future with each other, promises of a trusting friendship, and promises of eternal care and concern.
So Michelle, THANKS A LOT! :D You made me really happy. Granted, when you didn't tell me about Sheryl, you literally crashed my whole world down. I can still remember that time when all I felt was numb. Yes, I am close to Yilian, Tingwei and Shimin now but you know, you are the first person in the clique which I felt I could really 'clique' with. I felt like we were born to be friends. I mean, we just could get on so well! It was like destiny.
Then, all that shit happened, and my faith in you was completely destroyed. I don't know what to do at that point of time. I tried pretending that everything was fine, until I could pretend no more. You have no idea how hard it is to be faking a smile on and pretending that you don't matter to me when you mattered. A lot. When you messaged you were sorry, I was angry. Angry at myself cause I know I'll forgive you, and angry at you for not apologising to Shimin and Tingwei as well, which I might remind you, you haven't done so yet. (I mean Tingwei.)
You were right. I didn't wanna face the problems between us. But do you know why? That's because the extent of my love towards our friendship terrified me. I was scared of losing you. After my grandmother's death, I could say I turned more mature. I realised this, your loved ones surrounding you right now will not be there for you forever. I didn't want you to die with the knowledge that I hated you (not true) and that I could not forgive you (again, not true). In fact, I wanted you to know how much I actually do care and love you.
I don't care if it sounds like I'm a lesbian. I really do care for you, and I want you to know that.
Thinking about all these makes me sad though. Look at the photos below. What do you see? Friendship? Hatred? or Love?
They say photographs capture the moment it is being photographed. For once, I'm thankful that I'm forced to take these photos, because they serve as a reminder that we used to be a clique. We used to be together as one. They remind me that everything was not an illusion, that once upon a time, we were friends. All of us. ..........
Chinese night study with Low Yi Lian..
Cycling race which I failed at..
My hideous haircut..
Our sexy legs..
Idiotic Sheryl..
Sheryl trying to get extra sand out of her shirt..
Sheryl making my boobs..
We 'helping' out Huayi's christmas concert..
Our shining white teeth..
We carrying home our instruments..
Me tired..
OMG. I look like an idiot.. Aahhh..
Shimin laughing at my idiocy..
Unglam.
Yilian refusing to take off her tie even when it was after school.
looking into the future..
SAY CHEESE!
the only photo of me and Tingwei. Was getting sad from Tingwei's lack of appearance.
I was not there.
Shimin looks like she's suppressing laughter.
forehead contest. .......
Remember those times? Those times when we actually felt like a clique and not with the quarrels and everything? These photos, they remind me that if not for the mistakes we all made, we're still as one, we're still a clique..
They remind me of friendship, and of love..
I MISS THEM OKAY? Like seriously. Everytime, I think to myself. What went wrong? Was it me? Or was it something else? Were we not meant to be friends? Why, oh why?
Why were our friendships filled with problems..?
Why were we all so selfish?
Why were we blaming one another?
Hah! But I guess it's okay now.. The clique is already gone, and what's lost can never be recovered.
But you know, if you guys ever want to try to fix what's broken, and try to strengthen our friendships back again, I have a suggestion.
Let's revive the clique blog.
I'm merely suggesting it, and I'm not going to force anyone to join it or even to update it. It's just that Os are over and it really scares me one day that we will lose contact with one another once our results are released in a month's time and we go to different schools.
So, if anybody is interested, tell me. Don't ask who's going to be in this clique blog. I don't know it myself. It's open to all after all.
I just want this clique blog so that we still can keep in contact with one another, even when it comes to the point when I'm the only one in the blog, I don't care.
I want to at least try to maintain these friendships cause I do not want to let either of you go.
I was hearing this song as I typed this post, and I stumbled upon the comment the user uploaded.
She said this:
To everyone who might be questioning love: A friend of mine asked me once - What is love? Does it exist and when does it exist? I simply answered in my own opinion. I don't know what love is, it can't be described in any words or gestures. The one biggest mistake people can make is mistake love for something else, for example lust. I do believe that love exist, sometimes when you think you have it, it's not really enough, but no matter how much you give you can't expect the same thing back. As for the last question, I think love always exist until you let it die within yourself. Every person loves differently and there's nothing you can do about it.
I realised then, that the love I had for tuba had already died out within me because I wanted it so.
The user is really wise, huh?
Love always exist until you let it die within yourself
Okay, I won't continue to lie. I'm in a rather shitty mood now. Yes, really shitty mood, the kind that makes you wanna mope around and never get out of bed cause you pity yourself and your whole damn life.
I can't believe I'm saying this but for once, Sheryl gave me practical advice.
You can't keep running away from your problems.
Well, forgive me, but I do rather enjoy not facing to my problems and living happily in my own delusional world. Now, who said that Sheryl was delusional? Seems like I'm worse than her. Hah!
But seriously, what do you want me to say? I don't want to continue band cause I'm afraid I'll have to make the choice between band and family again? That I'm so afraid because I know exactly what I'll choose? That I'll choose band over family? That maybe, deep down in me, I'm like a monster, more concerned about band than my family.
I guess Elsie who is reading this post at this point of time will be quite confused. Well, here goes, my grandmother died on the day that I was supposed to perform. I did not attend one day of my grandmother's funeral just to perform. Wow, just wow! How bloody fillal am I? HOW FREAKING FILLAL!?
And you know what sickens me the most? It's that I don't even regret going to band on that day. I don't even fucking regret. Maybe that's what's eating me inside. This is the so-called psychological barrier that I freaking have, the one that Mr Tan keeps mentioning.
DoI know it? Of course! Why wouldn't I? It's just that even I am too scared to look too deep within myself. Even I am afraid of what I'll find inside. Funny and ironic huh? Me, the 'courageous' Amelia is actually scared of myself.
No, it's not funny or ironic at all. It's downright pathetic! Pathetic and pitiful. But I guess I should end this right now huh? If not, even I will hate myself to the point of no return. No more self-pity! It's time to stand up to myself, find the confidence and move on!
If only it was that easy..
But I guess I will try my best. No wait. I will try my best. I owe it to everyone who cares about me, everyone who loves me. I owe it to them to accept my failures and move on.
And so the questions come back again.
Will I quit tuba?
Will I quit band?
Honestly, I really don't know. I want to continue, and I do love band, but the guilt and self-hate is like suffocating me, choking me from inside, and I don't even think I have the courage to face it anymore. I don't have the courage to look at my reflection in the mirror and tell myself that I love it.
Simply speaking, I'm not who I am anymore. Gone is the stubborn section leader of tuba and euphonium section! Gone is the strong girl who never gives up at the sign of failure! Gone is the courageous and ambitious girl! Gone is the girl who I used to be! Gone is me.
And so, after typing this, I'm gonna hide back under my shell again. I'll pretend that everything's alright, that my grandmother is not hospitalised, that I'm enjoying my work, that I'm living a happy and care-free life, that I'm not filled with worry till it sickens me. Oh no, Amelia is perfectly happy.
Oh yes, here I go again. Me back in my delusional world.
Sometimes I think, maybe I intentionally typed this post for someone to see, for someone to even feel a resemblance of what I'm feeling, cause that to me is already a comfort in itself. I know I have friends who care, who love me, but you know, sometimes, it's just not bloody enough. Cause all you want is for someone to hug you and tell you that everything's going to be okay, but that's like wishing for the impossible, cause even a fool can't give you that sort of guarantee, and only a fool would do that.
Sighs. Don't you always wish that life is just a bed of roses? Cause right now, I desperately wish so. But all I can do right now is just to clasp one hand over another and pray for the best. Pretty useless huh? Talk about helpless.
HAHAHAHA! Okay, I was supposed to post yesterday but due to unforeseen circumstances(which is me being lazy and watching Percy Jackson and the Lightning thief), this post was delayed till now. :)
So, what happened yesterday? Hmm.. Firstly, I woke up real late, like about 11 or so then walked to the MRT station, just to realise that Elsie was later than me. LOL. So the thirsty and parched me went to get myself a drink. I wasn't expecting Elsie to arrive that fast la, so imagine my shock when I saw her in the MRT. I was like.. 0.0
Then I stared at my drink, feeling like an idiot, since my intentions were to drink and wait for her at the same time. Elsie was like, "Are you sure you can drink this here?" I was just nodding my head and continuing to drink. After all, I paid for it.
So holding the drink in my hand, we left for Toa Payoh. HAHA, and on the MRT ride, she told me that she copied and pasted some parts of my previous blog post for her friend to see and her friend said that I was cute and that she wanted to be friends with me already.
So let's type a thank you here for Elsie for promoting my 'cute' personality, though I'll prefer cool than cute. Anyway, so we took the bus and she went on blabbering about her anime which I don't even know the title of. (she said, but I missed it) She is truly an otaku fan, lol. And to think that I used to be like that. :)
Oh well, the anime that she described was kinda nice, but seeing as she practically told me the whole storyline and that I already know what's going to happen, I'm not going to watch it. Oh, but she did mention another anime which I found kinda interesting. Maybe I should watch that.
Alright alright. I'm getting off topic here. Let's go back to the trip to Winnie's house. Oh yeah~ So we alighted at the bus stop after the Shaw Plaza and Elsie called Winnie to come down and fetch us.
If I thought seeing Elsie in the mrt is 0.0, seeing Winnie was definitely O.O. Shocked to the max, can? She really changed a lot!! I couldn't even recognise her! Elsie was like asking if she got changed anot when she saw my reaction to Winnie. Well, unfortunately or fortunately for you, my dear Elsie, you haven't changed one bit. :)
So we marched to Winnie's house. I LOVE HER HOUSE MAN! Seriously, I fell in love with her sofa, I fell in love with the room upstairs and the porch, (is that even considered as one?), and the papaya tree... And pretty much everything..
Then we ordered pizza cause Winnie and Elsie was starving and we proceeded to watch Pirates of Carribean at the world's end or something like that? Can't really remember the name. AND I LOVE JACK SPARROW MAN! Awesome pirate. :)
And then the best thing ever happened..
THE COMPUTER CRASHED!
I was like... =.=
No more Jack Sparrow.
No more Fountain of Youth.
No more pirates!!
Okay, so Winnie, Elsie and I ended up chatting for the rest of the day. Wee~ I can't believe I'm saying this but the chatting was way better than the movie. Haha. We then explored Winnie's house, who to much of our surprise, didn't even know she had a doorbell. Well done, Winnie!
So we chatted or more like complained about our lives, catched up on the missing years, then went to Junction 8's Ajisen Ramen for dinner. As usual, I loved the ramen soup. Sometimes, I feel like I'm eating it for the soup and not the ramen. And then we continued chatting, or in my case, bitching, until we ate finished. Elsie protested and said that we're being reasonable, so it's a discussion and not bitching. Winnie agreed. In my mind I was like: it's still bitching. ==''
So then Winnie went to Cotton On and bought her shorts, after we all went to Popular to check out our next year syallabus. Then, it was the end, since everyone went home after that.
Reflection from this trip? It was fun, definitely fun! I totally wanna do it again. I thought that Winnie and I would be kinda awkward with each other, but we turned out just fine. And best still, Elsie and Winnie understood the need for some 'alone time' and don't just go saying that I'm 'emo'. So perfect! It seems like they understand what I'm trying to say without me saying it in words you know? I didn't know that they knew me so well. Hah. Glad that I met them out yesterday. I don't wish to lose contact with either of them.
So this concludes my post for today. Hope that Elsie's friend will find something 'cute' in this post, and that Yilian will be happy that someone bothered to update their blog. HAHA!
YO! Was kinda busy these days haha. Thought this worthless blog of mine could use some updates. :D
Okay, let me blog about work at gain city first.
IT'S SUPER FUN!
Not only did I meet such wonderful people, I also learned a lot from there.
Of course, there are the disadvantages as well, such as the long working hours and the fact that we were watching the same movies over and over again.
Yes, I've watched Cars for approximately 6-7 times while I've watched Hop for approximately 5-6 times. I can practically tell you what's going to be on the next scene.
Still I so much prefer working there than in Bliss. Heh. No offense to that restaurant. :)
Other than that, I guess there's nothing much to blog about work? LOL. Okay, there was this little little kid that was sort of "sticking" to me. Maybe I looked like candy to her, I don't know, but she kept trying to gain my attention and made me blow balloons after balloons. (God knows why I didn't use the machine back then) And more importantly, she also molested me.
Okay, maybe not really molest, but she squeezed my butt. Yes, you saw it right. That little kid SQUEEZED MY BUTT. I totally went stiff at that. Worse still, she didn't stop after the first time. Apparently, squeezing my butt became her new favourite game or something and she kept chasing (and when I say chasing I really mean CHASING!) me around just to squeeze my butt. I'm like... WHAT?!
Oh, and she also hugged me from behind. It sounds good, but only that she was practically shoving me off the chair. Still, she's a good kid and kinda nice to be with, haha! At least because of her, time really flew by.
And my colleague working with me was very nice as well. Her name is Yueshi and she's like 21 years old? Yup. She's studying overseas at Perth! Omg! I totally admire her. :) She never lost her cool even when some parents were kinda annoying. A respectable trait. She's also very mature and advises me on stuff. Totally reliable. Half of the time, I think that the parents feel safe to leave their kids there is because of her and not me. Muahaha. I'm not helping, lol.
And there are two other ladies as well, Alicia (I think..?) and Guiqin. They're both 18 years old (why is everybody older than me?), studied in Innova JC and totally fun to be with. Haha. I feel like even though those three days were very tiring, it's all because of my colleagues that I managed to pull through. They are SERIOUSLY NICE people.
Okay. Enough about work. Time to go on about what I did today. I went out with Sheryl, Jason, Longhuat and Lianghao today to sing karaoke. Yes, it's KARAOKE! Me, Amelia Choo Shu Xian, the tone deaf like shit girl went and sang karaoke. (sometimes I wonder how I even enter band. Better ask Mr Tan about that someday)
Of course, since I didn't really know anyone it was all very awkward, oh well. Anyway, later Jason, Longhuat and Lianghao had to leave to eat dinner elsewhere or something (I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation) then me and Sheryl went shopping. I kept shoving Sheryl in dresses in various prints and designs, lol. Finally, now we know what you look nice in, Sheryl!
Anyway, overall, today was awesome, and I hope tomorrow will be more. I'M MEETING ELSIE AND WINNIE TOMORROW AND WE'RE GOING WINNIE'S HOUSE! Wee~ I'm like so freaking happy!! It's really been ages since I last saw Winnie and had a great time with her. I'm so looking forward to this. I hope that it'll be as awesome as today. :) :)
So that's all about my boring life. The end.
P.S. anybody want me to update the fic? Or have any requests? I'm quite open to ideas and prompts now.
sometimes, you expect too much from me..
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Hey peeps! I'm dead tired right now but to thank ALL of you guys I decided to type this post out. Haha. Touched? :D
Firstly, thank you to Tingwei for the Famous Amos cookies and the card. To be honest, it was the card that had more of an impact on me than the cookies. How do I say this.. Hmm.. Alright! Recently I was actually experiencing a bit of friendship problems, (Yes, I didn't mention it to you guys and I know you guys totally cannot tell.) so the card really helped in making me come to some realisations. Here's what Tingwei wrote in the card: (hope you don't mind me sharing? hee.)
A true friend never walks away A true friend will always stay A true friend looks out for you
Yet it's been uncountable times since I've seen you walked away from me..
A true friend will guard your secrets like a precious gifts A true friend is there for you to give you a helpful lift
I did not guard your secret. I was not always there for you, just like how you were not always there for me.
A true friend tries to make you smile to replace that frown They may not always succeed but they rarely let you down
No, you never let me down. It was always me who let you down. Always me.
These arms are open for you This heart for you does care And when I think you need me I'll try to always be there
I failed. I was not there.
I'll listen to your fears I promise not to laugh Comfort your falling tears I'll make this friendship last
No. It was always a one-sided thing. You always listened to my fears patiently, but I never bothered listening to yours.
I'll keep you near to my heart I'll always hold you dear Even when we're miles apart Even when you're here
I hope you know I really meant it when I said I love you. You were one of the best friends I never thought I could have.
I hope I am to you Everything you are to me For the friendship we have is a special one indeed Yes, you're special to me. You're my precious friend. :)
You don't know how sad I was when I actually read Tingwei's card. No, it had nothing to do with Tingwei. It had everything to do with me, with the bastard friend I just realised I was. I never gave enough time to you. No, I never cared for you. I was selfish, and I still am. I expect you to accept me everytime I come back running to you yet ignored you when I liked it. Sighs. It's no wonder at some point of time, you begin pushing me out of your world. Yes, no matter how much I denied it to others, I know it's true. I'm not your close friend anymore. I'm merelyjust a friend.
But it's okay, it really is. I deserve it anyway. I deserve every once of hurt you inflict on me cause I know deep down, I owe it to you for every time I ignored you, for everytime I left you hanging, for everytime I was being such a bitch. Yes, I owe you a lifetime of happiness that I really can't repay. If only I wasn't that foolish.. If only I had treasured you better...
But it's too late now right? It's too late for regrets. But hey, it's okay! I'll just treasure the friends I have now. And Tingwei, I really love you kay! This WONDERFUL card that reminds me that I'll always have a precious friendship with you. I'm really touched because that's like one of the BEST birthday presents you can ever give me. Knowing you'll be there for me honestly is like really enough for me..
I LOVE YOU TINGWEI! Thanks for everything. :)
Okay, now next up....
LOW YI LIAN!!
Omg. I was totally speechless when I saw the box la! I totally felt like crying. (yes, too touched until almost cried) You have NO IDEA how much I needed the courage to believe in my dreams, and you also have no idea how that box of yours came at exactly the right moment.
I'm like really sad these days cause of my internal struggle with friendships, dreams and my identity. Frequently these days, I keep having weird thoughts like what if I just disappear off this face of the earth. Will anyone miss me? Will anyone even bother attending my funeral?
Don't ask me why I get thoughts like this. I'm just so depressed over everything, you know? My tuba skills, my incompetence at work, my friendships and my bloody attitude... And suddenly, when I'm in my lowest of dumps, when I thought that nobody cared, one of my friends choose to give me one of the greatest birthday presents ever by writing letters to encourage me.
You seriously don't know how that feels. It's as though you were speaking to me through the box, like you were saying: Hey, I'm here! I've seen you sad, and I'm telling you that I care about it. You're not invisible to me. You're my precious friend and I'll do anything to make you happy.
It felt like I mattered to someone. It felt like I'm important after all.
And so this explains why I'm kinda close to tears at the moment while I'm typing this post at 2am in the morning. I'm telling ya I'm really mega touched. THANKS LOADS!
And to those curious to what Yilian wrote in the card, the card she spent ages looking for, here is what it says:
Keep Believing in Yourself... and Always Remember That I Believe in You, Too.
My thoughts at that time: Wow, someone believes in me! I don't even believe in myself.
Every goal that has ever been reached began with just one step- and the belief that it could be attained...
And the card goes on to write..
Dreams really can come true, but they are most often the result of hard work, determination, and persistance.
When the end of the journey seems impossible to reach, remember that all you need to do is take one more step. Stay focused on your goal and remember... each small step will bring you a little closer.
When the road becomes hard to travel and it feels as if you'll never reach the end... look deep inside your hear and you will find strength you never knew you had.
Believe in yourself- and remember that I believe in you, too.
-Jason Blume
LOW YI LIAN! I think your main aim in life is to make me cry. That last line totally blew my socks away.
I believe in you too.
I totally cried internally la. Yes, someone willingly believes in me, this wreckage thereby known as Amelia. This worthless scum that I see no good in is actually being placed faith upon by her friend. In that instant, I think I finally understood the phrase that no man is a lonely island. If I did not have such wonderful friends, I'm certain that I would have lost my heart ages ago. (no, I'm not kidding.)
Of course, there's still other friends like Michelle, Shimin and Sheryl.. But I really just wanted to properly thank Tingwei and Yilian specifically because they are the two friends that I've really gotten close to in Sec 4. Oh man! We should have known each other sooner. Now it seems like we're parting before we barely knew each other. T-T damn it.
But guys, note this. I really mean this from the bottom of my heart.
I love you all and you each hold a special place in my heart. Never doubt that at any moment.
Now, away with the mushiness and in with the snark and sarcastic Amelia. HAH!
Thereby ending this blogpost with photos...
ME and SHIMIN!
Known her for the longest and aint gonna trade her away ever. She's a fun, annoying and nice friend to be with. HAAHAHAH! Just don't tell her I said that. :D
ME AND MICHELLE!
Yes, I can't seem to find any other photo of me and her. =.= haha. But nevermind, we're gonna take more photos together man. OH YEAH~
THANKS FOR BEING SUCH AN AWESOME GOSSIPER! haha. :)
and lastly...
ME AND SHERYL HO.
Out of all the photos I've taken with her, I chose this, lol. This shows off her sexy smile and my awesome face. Hah. Though we've been through so much, we've still remained as friends and I hope we'll have a less rocky friendship. :)
Okay guys. That's all. End of gratitude post. Goodbye.
We're no strangers to love You know the rules ... and so do I A full commitment's what I'm ... thinkin' of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you ... understand
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We've known each other ... for so long Your heart's been aching, but ... you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been ... goin' on We know the game and we're ... gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're to ... blind to see
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Oooooooooh ... give you up Oooooooooh ... give you up
Never gonna give never gonna give Give you up Never gonna give never gonna give Give you up
We've known each other ... for so long Your heart's been aching, but ... you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been ... goin' on We know the game and we're ... gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you ... understand
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
The song that made me realise my feelings for tuba. :)
I shall be eternally grateful to this song. HAHA. I do love the recorder part though. UNBELIEVABLY NICE!
My God!! So happy when I finally came to a conclusion. :D So what's my conclusion, you may ask.. Well, it's pretty simple.
I want to continue playing tuba.
I don't know why it only took me one bloody song to make me realise my feelings and I could not do it for days. Yilian is right. I really tend to over anlayse things. Hehe.
Anyway, thanks to everybody's encouraging posts and messages, especially Michelle, Yilian and Sheryl. :) LOVE YOU GUYS! ~
*pukes* (not that I don't mean it but you gotta admit it, it's SERIOUSLY GROSS!)
THANKS PEEPS anyway! :)
Sighs. Today's work... I felt so guilty la. :( because of me Stephanie kena scolded a lot of times. =.= And my self-confidence was just coming back...
Oh well..
It's okay... I'LL DO BETTER! (at least I hope..)
JIAYOUS!
^^
If you cannot do it, tell yourself you can. If you can do it, tell yourself you can do more. Life is a never ending self-upgrading process. :)
I'm sorry that I like you and I'm sorry that I've hurt you..
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
YOYOYO people.. Sorry for not updating the.. *AHH-EEMM* I think you guys should know what I'm referring to, haha. I just had no mood, you know what I mean? :/
Sighs. I can't believe that O levels are really over. Everything's just too sudden, too rushed. I don't know what to feel at all!!
And suddenly, I just thought of everything else. Everything that had happened in this year, all the sad memories, all the pain.. ..
Maybe it's best I lost my diary after all..
At least, I won't be reminded about my grandmother's death, the friendship problems, and my hatred of SYF..
Oh, if you were a Huayi band member, you'll feel damn honoured though. Almost every entry was praising Huayi band to the skies.. Now that I think about it, it makes me wanna puke. Blegh!
This year was real eventful though, and I just wanna thank all my friends that have stuck with me throughout. THANKS A LOT! It really meant something to me!
Okay. So this whole crap of a shit entry is over.. TADA~ That's all. BYE~
And once again people, stop msging my old number. I won't be able to reply you.
So that's it. BYE!!!
I can't believe the thought of seeing you again petrifies me. I really need to let these feelings go cause you're not worth them.
FINALLY I'M POSTING AFTER O LEVELS. Haha. Yilian, finally right? xD
Okay.
I think I have absolutely nothing to say. It's not like I can openly go 'shooting' certain people right now cause this stupid blog is public. So yay! No criticising. TT
But I don't really know if I should continue with band.. It's like...
Hopeless.
Despair.
Anger.
Sadness.
That's what I feel when I see band now. And before "people" start to shoot me again, this is MY feelings towards band, not yours, so shut the fuck up.
But man, it's starting to feel sad isn't it? How is it that I know that I'll regret when I stop playing tuba and yet I'm still considering to do it?
Contradiction. Maybe the anger is more than the love, maybe all I feel for band now is hate, and maybe I'm just not destined to play that instrument.
I love it, I still love tuba. I just don't know if I love playing it.
Sighs. These thoughts.... They're never good for my brain..
If only I could get rid of all the pain, all the hate, then maybe all that's left of me would be the love and happiness, and I might be able to continue.
If only.
Man. It's crap thinking about these things. Finding a job is more timportant; I still have presents to buy.
AND LIFE TO ENJOY! :D
Later going to Sentosa (again!) for church, so-called "relaxation for after Os" so technically I'm supposed to be offline right now.
And guys, my phone currently has zero value so even if you call/msg me, I can't answer. I'll call/msg you guys back with another number though so please remember to save it!
