screw exams

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging these few days. Blame it on examinations. I seriously abhor that word these days. Urk. Exams drive me nuts. Studying makes me go bonkers. EVERYTHING KILLS ME. You know what, screw you! -.-

I'm not gonna type a long post cause I'm gonna go write my fanfic. I'M SO THRILLED I SWEAR. I literally can't wait to type it out. Damn PIPC for ruining my mood though but who cares? Now, I'm typing it~ Tralalala~

Bye peeps. :) And no, my fanfiction is posted on livejournal so you'll never find it. Muahahaha.

P.S. Elsie, I'm still not getting a tagboard. :P

It's foolish to say that I won't keep the faith cause it's practically impossible to do so. Their singing never fails to cheer me up from whatever sadness I am feeling. Whenever I'm alone, their voices keep me company and suddenly loneliness is driven away from my heart. They are an inspiration to me. When I see them trying and working so hard for their dreams, it inspires me to do the same too. I have never been a fan of reality, but because they exist, and because they are part of the real world, I have been converted into a full blown fan. I used to give up easily, but after seeing their tears and sweat, I've learnt to be more optimistic. I don't care if people say I'm foolish. You've not been a fan before, that's why you'll probably never understand this precious feeling I have inside my heart for them. This feelings, this love.. I will cherish it forever. Cassiopeia is part of me and I will forever watch upon the five stars twinkling in the dark night sky, supporting them as they shine on and on..

Always Keep The Faith. :)

DB5K AKTF!

OMG. Look at this five sexy and hot people. HAHAHA. NAMJA NAMJA!! ^^ ^^ I seriously shouldn't be blogging now lol. I'm just sick of exams and all that shit. Today's PIPC was.. tough. Okay. Tough is a TOTAL understatement. Screw exams man. Studying or not doesn't really make a difference. Fuck this shit. Ah. Whatever~

AFTER EXAMS I CAN FANGIRL. FASTER FASTER FASTER, EXAMS FASTER OVER!! I STILL WANNA WATCH MY MIROTIC ASIA TOUR!! :((

Okay. Gotta go. Have to meet Nelli and Joel to teach my poor daughter Nelli Mstats. CIAOS! ^^

WAE!

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. Carity was right. If you study for your parents, one day if your parents are gone, then you won't be able to continue studying any more. My parents are not dead, neither are they gone, but it's like I can't feel them there any more.

Today I quarrelled with my parents cause I went home late after singing karaoke. They were angry that I didn't tell them that I was going to sing karaoke. HELLO? They didn't receive the text okay! Is that my fault? Then they start to say that a girl shouldn't stay out too late etc. etc.

They said they were worried for me and weirdly, I felt satisfied. What the hell is wrong with me man? I feel like I'm going through this rebellious phase whereby I wish to make everybody worried about me by returning home late so as to test whether they even care about me at all.

Funny huh? They just realised that they don't even understand and know a thing about their youngest daughter at all. Ha. They actually asked me how was my results so far. HAHA. Did I answer them? NO. I didn't feel like it. What the fuck man. I waited so long for you to ask me this question since the first class test and it's only recently that you started showing concern for your daughter.

I know. Actually, deep down I truly understand. They love me and care for me, but you know, sometimes it just hurts so so much to see them expressing concern openly for my other siblings and not for me. Yesterday, I watched a veteran talking about suicide and here's what he said: It's not because you wanna escape your problems that's why you think of committing suicide. It's because sometimes the pain is just too much that the only way you can stop it is to shut yourself up.

What was the reason that I used to cut in the first place? Do you even know? Do I even know? Ha. I don't think anyone truly knows, or maybe I do really know but I'm just afraid to face it. How can I even accept that part of myself? How can I even accept myself? Do you know that feeling? That self hatred that is so intense that it just threatens to consume you whole? Sometimes when I'm talking with Nelli about committing suicide I really mean it. Seriously, what the fuck right? Like what the hell is wrong with me?

WHY AM I MOURNING AND GROANING ABOUT MY LIFE WHEN OTHERS HAD IT WORSE THAN ME??!! Everytime when I look at Carity, I remind myself how fortunate I am to have whatever I have and to appreciate it but right now, it's really not working. I try to be happy but the tears just keep flowing, what do I do?

Nelli asked, "Are you alright mimi?"

What am I supposed to answer? No. Your mimi is not alright, but you know the most amazing thing? She doesn't know what's wrong with her either. She is facing an identity crisis now. Wanna help her with it? HAHA. How can she even help? How can anyone even help me except for myself? It's like I'm sinking into this damn bloody black hole and I can't even pull myself up. I open my mouth to scream for help but my pride keeps my voice out. In the end, I just form a ridiculous picture. When will it end?

This freaking confusing feelings that I have now, what do they entail exactly? WHY CAN'T I JUST BE FUCKING SATISFIED WITH MY LIFE FOR ONCE? WHY DO I KEEP HARPING ON WHAT I DON'T HAVE? I HAVE A COMPLETE FAMILY. I HAVE GOOD RESULTS AND EXCELLENT FRIENDS. I HAVE EVERYTHING. WHAT THE FUCK AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT? what. the. fuck.

I really don't know either. I just feel pain everytime I come home to an empty house that I don't even wanna go home anymore. The hamsters are there but even they ignore me most of the time. I'm just forcing my affection on them. What for? I need someone to love, and I need that someone to love me just for who I am.

Stop saying that I'm too violent and vulgar. Stop saying that I'm just like a boy. Can't you accept that that's just who I am? I won't change for anyone. I tried and it hurt a lot. He didn't even notice the change. It's like I'm invisible in his life. It's like I'm invisible to everyone. I'm just a shadow in this world. When I die, I'll just become a statistic. Ha. A statistic. Turns out Mstats is useful after all huh?

Weirdly, as I type my feelings out, I feel calmer. Haha. Maybe it's because my heart has finally let out whatever has been cooping inside of it, I feel free now! Hahaha. I still can't smile now though. It's like there's no reason to smile anymore haha. (okay, maybe except for DBSK.) I don't know. Sometimes I feel like all that's keeping me sane is DBSK and my friends. Not my family. Never my family. They are what that's driving me insane. Oh. Okay. Maybe not all friends? Sheryl is a prime factor in my mental instability too. I mean after my friendship with her, I can't even trust any new friend that I make and that fucking sucks! I hate telling myself that she is not Sheryl and that she WILL NOT do that to me. Wounds leave fucking scars. Well, I've learnt my lesson aye?

This post is starting to sound like it will never end, haha. However, this is actually the reason why I didn't want to blog about my personal feelings on my blog these days. I didn't want to let this ugly side of me out. Look now! This ugly side of Amelia is up for exhibition. Please look, stare, observe and do the best that your eyes can do to gawk at this animal that has finally unleashed its inner beast! It's only for a limited period of time so get your tickets now. *commercial music plays*

HA. Why do I feel this urgent need to insert humour in this post? NO. SHOO DRAMATIC AMELIA! This is finally a chance for depressed Amelia to shine. GET LOST. *kicks dramatic Amelia away*

Okay, so now I'm feeling this weird numbing feeling within me. It's like I'm now numb to all pain. How cool~~ Haha. I can be Iron Woman~ ^^ tralalalalala~ But Iron Woman probably doesn't shed even a single tear right? Iron Woman probably doesn't even have feelings, haha. She will not feel suffocated by her parents' expectations. She won't have this constant overwhelming need to prove herself to her family and herself. She won't feel love-deprived and resort to drastic methods to gain her parents' attention. HAHAHAHAHA. I guess I'm really not Iron Woman at all huh? I totally fail the criteria, lol.

God, save this broken soul now please? I don't even know what I'm lacking. It's like my heart's crying out for a loss that I don't even know I have and it's driving me crazy. Please, help me? And to my friends, I don't even know what to say, haha. It's just pretty ironic that everytime I'm depressed, it's always Nelli who's asking if I'm alright. It's always her or either Michelle.

How did we end up like this, Tingwei, Yilian, Shimin and Sheryl? You four used to be the only ones who could tell if I'm happy, angry, sad or worried. You guys used to be sensitive to my emotions. Is it because I didn't tell you when I'm upset? Is it because I'm shutting myself off? Is it because of that? We're all distancing, can you feel that? I feel like I don't even know you guys anymore. Yes, some of you like Tingwei may have not changed, but did you notice? I've changed. I'm no longer who I was before.

The past girl was so innocent and naive. She thought that no matter what happened as long as she had her friends' and family's support she would be fine. She didn't know the meaning of the word betrayal or misunderstanding. She didn't understand the feeling of crying alone because she wanted to hide her tears even from herself. She didn't understand the reason for cutting herself. She didn't know what it was like to be empty. She didn't know that losing her passion could literally mean losing her life. She thought she was so strong. She didn't know that she was already crumbling inside. She thought she was alright. She didn't know she wasn't. 

Her world is falling apart, and now she finally sees the cracks that were always there. Slowly, bit by bit, her world would surely topple, and she would be left with nothing. She starts to isolate herself and gradually stops talking to her friends about her feelings at all. She learns to fake a smile and pretends that everything's alright, fooling everyone and even herself. What an actress she has proven to be!

But she didn't know that the facade could not last. She did not know that there was always a 'cut' to any acting, and an ending to every show. A scene cannot play on forever, and acting cannot continue always. There was an end, and that end broke her. Now she can no longer act. Now she doesn't even know the reason for acting in the first place. She's hurting, but she doesn't know the reason why. She's afraid, but no one's there to comfort her, and she gradually learns her lesson. She is alone, and nobody can save her except for herself.

She's still struggling, but she swears never to ask for help. She has some friends who know that something's wrong but she just can't bear to tell them how she truly feels cause she doesn't even know the reason why.

*Wae: Korean word for why.

Wae? Wae? Wae? She keeps asking herself that question. She doesn't get herself either. Wae is she upset? Wae does she feel unloved? Wae is she bitching about her almost perfect life? Wae? Wae? Wae?

The night goes on with questions unanswered and the girl is left still troubled. In her heart, only one word remains:

WAE?

You're My Miracle- DBSK

My love, now there's only one person in the world in my heart
You're the only one, always
Only you bring me hope
On the sad nights, shining like a star in the sky above

Reality never goes as well as I think it will (oh yeah)
I've always lived among lies and errors
That time, you suddenly opened the door to me
You came swooping down, an angel (yeah)

Cause you're my miracle Only you can change my future
My girl, though I love you very much, I can't convey my feelings well... I'm sorry

I'm growing afraid that someday, you'll disappear to somewhere
Leaving behind a single feather
Even so...even if I get hurt, you smile for me
And for your sake I'll go on living oh yeah

Though I wish everyday for this to last an eternity, it will go with the wind (maybe will go)
Even if I lose everything,
If you (just you), only you, are by my side
However bad the storm, I could get through it

Cause you're my miracle, I want a future with you for only myself
My girl, if these feelings reach you.. say your answer is 'yes'

That I was able to meet you on this vast earth, it's destiny
May these happy days continue on forever
For you, I'll search for dreams for us

Cause you're my miracle only you can change my future
My girl, even though I love you very much, I can't say it well
I'm sorry for that...oh
I promise you forever, only you... oh

Credits: http://dbskarchives.blogspot.sg/2007/10/romanisation-yoochun-my-love-sekai-de.html

I'm sorry for faltering in my faith.

I'm sorry for doubting my trust in you.

I'm sorry for letting troubles get into me.

I'm sorry for believing in what they say.

But what can I do?

"This situation is hopeless." They say.

"It's impossible to have a reunion at this point."

Who am I supposed to believe?

What can I even retort back?

My faith's dimming and my heart's tiring.

Where can we go on from now on?

We used to be the proud red ocean that dominated the whole world.

What are we now?

Then an answer comes from within.

We are Cassiopeia, the guiding lights for DBSK.

We are Cassiopeia, the stars that twinkle to give them hope.

We are Cassiopeia, the name that never fails to make DBSK smile.

DBSK have done so much for us, we cannot give up now.

We are Cassiopeia.

We are a huge and almighty force to reckon with.

We will not back down due to circulating rumours.

We will not give up with that gleam of hope still shining.

We are Cassiopeia.

We are the red ocean.

We are their proud fans.

We are part of DBSK.

We are Cassiopeia,

and Cassiopeia will forever watch upon their five members of DBSK shine forever.

-*-

What does Cassiopeia mean to TVXQ?

Junsu: Cassiopeia is like a family

Jaejoong: Cassiopeia is like my eye lashes that keep growing very fast and they never thin out.

Changmin: Cassiopeia is like DBSK as they are as one.

Yoochun: Cassiopeia is like my gaze, the more you look at it the more you're drawn into it.

Yunho: Cassiopeia is like 'Ma-Bah-Gi', no words are necessary.


What does Cassiopeia mean to you guys? :)

DB5K!

Read one of the Cassie's blog and I felt like I really had to blog about this. I should really dedicate one whole blog entry to DBSK and DBSK alone. (and I meant all 5 of them.) Seriously, DBSK is not only my fandom, it's my inspiration!

Being a Cassie has really taught me a lot of things, things that I would have normally taken for granted. I'm sure not everybody understands the pain of being a Cassie. Honestly, I don't really expect you to. I know that it's difficult, especially for those who have not went crazy over an idol group before. Before I begin that though, let me try to explain the importance of DBSK to me.

HAHA. I can still remember my first encounter with DBSK. It was during the period of time when English Pop was the 'in thing' and nobody practically gave a shit about KPop. I was around Primary 4/5 I think. However, my eldest sister fell in love with Kpop and in particular, DBSK.

This is the exactly the same as the picture of my first encounter with them. Yes, my sister was playing O Jung Ban Hap album at that time and she was gushing on how BEAUTIFUL and CUTE Junsu was and all I was saying is that the guy in the middle has weird hair, heh. BIANEYO~ JAEJOONG OPPA~ T-T

After that, my sister stopped being a fan of them and started to listen to English pop instead. My first encounter with DBSK thus ended on a short note. It was many years later that I encountered them again.

When I entered secondary school, my friends Nena and Sien were a HUGE fan of them. I seriously didn't know why though. I didn't even know that DBSK was the band that my sister used to fangirl over until Sien was singing Hug during P.E. one day and I automatically sang with her.

She: -sings Hug's first line-

Me: -butts in- OH BABY~

She: O.O WOAH! AMA YOU KNOW THIS SONG AH? O.O

Me: heehee. ^^ (I didn't even know why I know that song at that point of time, LOL.)

DBSK's songs are just that amazing huh? It was about a gap of two to three years already and yet, I still remembered their debut song Hug. Now, if you were me you would be damn curious what song this is right? I mean I don't even recognise this song and yet it's stuck in my head like glue. I WILL WANT TO KNOW WHO SANG IT!

Besides, my friends were all googoo-ing and gaga-ing over DBSK that if I didn't research more on DBSK, I would soon have nothing to talk about. With those thoughts in mind, I begin my research of DBSK. Honestly, I thought that they were just any other ordinary band. I was a fan of Japanese Animation at that point of time and didn't think much of KPop. This band, however, changed my mind.

Did I expect to fall in love with them? NO. I was totally not expecting to go crazy over them, and yet? I totally did. I fell in love with them and I fell REAL HARD. I started spazzing over ALL the DBSK's videos and variety shows and laughed whenever I saw them. They taught me so much in life; I really look up to them.

There was a period of time in my life when I was forced to take a leadership position that I didn't want to have. I was the section leader and what was worse was that I was supposed to lead a team of my members into this national band competition when I didn't even had any idea how to do my job, or what even makes a good leader to begin with.

At that point of time, I begin to look out for role models, and that was when I found no other than Jung Yunho. He's really an AMAZING leader. I look up to him from the bottom of my heart. He taught me to be understanding to my band members, to respect their opinions and allow them to give suggestions.. Seriously, I've learnt so much from him and needless to say, he's my bias in DBSK. ^^

Then came the most heartbreaking news; the lawsuit. Am I angry at JYJ for suing SMent? To be honest, my first thought was why the hell ain't Homin suing SMent too? WHY ARE THEY BREAKING UP? IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE? I was so hurt and disappointed that I decided to leave the Kpop scene altogether. That was the greatest mistake of my life.

One year later, I took my O levels and I was posted to tertiary education at one of the local polytechnics. It was then when I met Nelli, a fan of One Direction. After watching her spazz over One Direction, once again, I tried to research on One Direction to find some common topics to talk about. Weirdly, I could not feel much enthusiasm for them. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against One Direction. I guess I'm just not a fan?

Researching on One Direction made me clicked on DBSK's videos instead and when I watched JYJ's videos and heard all their songs, I suddenly realised that I'm really stupid. What does it mean to be a fan? Giving up on them because they don't fit your description of being idols? I felt thoroughly ashamed of myself. I should never have given up on them. There are thousands of Cassies keeping the faith out there, how could I even give up?

Watching JYJ's videos and TVXQ's videos brought back my love for DBSK and now it's still growing more and more everyday. Is it easy being a Cassie? No. It teaches me to always keep the faith though. It teaches me that no matter what happens, Cassiopeia is one big family and will support TVXQ no matter what! I won't force JYJ to go back to SMent cause I know that it's not their choice. Junsu made it extremely clear by his tweets today. I will support them to the end cause that's what being a fan is all about, supporting them wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return. This is the love of a fan.

"Being an OT5 doesn't mean that we will only support TVXQ when they are five once again and forcing them to reunite against their will. It means that we will support all five of them no matter what happens regardless of their reunion or not."

Always Keep The Faith.

♥

ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH!! ♥

ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH!! ♥

Believe in their words. Believe in their love. Believe in them. Always keep the faith. ♥

夜空に浮かんだ 星が文字を描き出すのは
Yozorani ukanda hoshiga mojiwo egaki dasunoha
The letters that the stars created in the night sky

偶然じゃないと 今もまだ信じてるよ
Guuzen janaito imamo mada shinjiteruyo
I still believe that it is not just by chance

同じ闇の中で 同じ距離のままで
Onaji yamino nakade onaji kyorino mamade
In the same darkness, in the same distance

W＜ダブル＞を描き続けている
W <double> wo egaki tsuduketeiru
We are painting the W<double> in the same way

君に見つかるように もっと輝くから
Kimini mitsukaruyouni motto kagayaku kara
We will shine more and more so that you can find us

keep in mind that I love you.
keep in mind that I love you.
Keep in mind that I love you.

きっ と
kitto
I wish…

いつか逢えるから 瞳を閉じる度君を想う you’re everything
Itsuka aerukara mewo tojiru tabi kimiwo omou you’re everything
Our paths will cross again, I am thinking about you every time I close my eyes, you’re everything

君が居ることが 今もまだあたりまえなんだよ
Kimiga irukotoga imamo mada atarimae nandayo
It is still natural that you are by our side

た だ今は君が幸せであると願い
Tada imaha kimiga shiawasedearuto negai
We can only wish that you are happy

僕らの階段をひとつひとつ登っていくよ
Bokurano kaidanwo hitotsuhitotsu nobotte ikuyo
We will climb our stairs one by one

僕 らはまだ僕らの未来を想像しながら　君を待ってるよ
Bokuraha mada bokurano miraiwo souzou shinagara　kimiwo matteruyo
We are still waiting for you, imagining our future

きっと
Kitto
I wish..

いつか逢えるから 瞳を閉じる度君を想う you’re everything
Itsuka aerukara mewo tojiru tabi kimiwo omou you’re everything
Our paths will cross again, I am thinking about you every time I close our my eyes, you’re everything

君が居るこ とが　今もまだあたりまえなんだよ
Kimiga irukotoga imamo mada atarimae nandayo
It is still natural that you are by our side

いつか逢えるまで　君の居場所は守ってるよ
Itsuka aerumade kimino ibashha mamotteruyo
We will keep your place here, until the day we can meet again

君ともう一度　笑えると信じてるから
Kimito mouichido waraeruto shinjiterukara
We believe that we can laugh together with you once again

You’re my love Please hold on
You’re my love Please hold on
You’re my love Please hold on

時が流れ ても　どんな痛みが待っていても
Tokiga nagaretemo donna itamiga matte itemo
Even when the days pass by, and that there may be pains

君はいつまでも　僕たちの 「プライド」なんだよ
Kimiha itsumademo boku tachino “pride” nandayo
You are always our “PRIDE”

夜空に浮かんだ　星に君が呟いたのは
Yozorani ukanda hoshini kimiga tsubuyaitanoha
The words that you murmured to the stars shining in the nightsky

さよならじゃないと　今もまだ信じてるよ
Sayonara janaito imamomada shinjiteruyo
We still believe that it is not “Good bye”

同 じ空の下で　同じ夢を描き
Onaji sorano shitade onaji yumewo egaki
Under the same sky, dreaming the same dream

W＜ダブル＞を探し続けている
W <double> wo sagashi tsuduketeiru
We are still searching for the W<double>

同じ形のまま　ずっと輝くから
Onaji katachinomama zutto kagayaku kara
We will always shine in the same shape

keep in mind that I love you.

-W, JYJ english translation

"我想要大声歌唱
任何人都不能阻挡
与你分享生命之中
所有的快乐所有悲伤 

我们的爱一直成长
不停付出不再隐藏
属于我们的挫折希望
像露水滋润花朵绽放

就是这种光亮小小的
却能够为人指引方向
就是这种爱呀淡淡的
却能够给人无限希望"

- 我心似海洋, 江美琪

 Always Keep The Faith.

Long Way- JYJ

We've come such a long way and I'm proud of it. ^^ Thank you for being such an awesome friend. Love you! ♥

Today, I finally summoned the courage to talk to you. You don't know how happy I feel when I saw your reply immediately. It made me forget about all my troubles instantly and that was when I finally realised that without you, my life was empty. :( 

I don't care what tomorrow brings, I don't give a damn about the horrible test tomorrow. With you by my side, I feel like I can do anything and everything that I set my mind to. ^^ THANKS FOR BEING SUCH AN AWESOME PILLAR TO RELY ON. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!

♥

AKTF

Was gonna continue with a part two on Harry Potter exhibtion but I decided not to in the end. I don't know why but today was a very trying day. I just felt like I was at the brink of my faith. I guess that's why we're all in this together as Cassies? Truthfully, this fandom is really painful, lol.

I watch them as five, watch them saying they'll never separate... I mean seriously, I myself can't take it sometimes, but you know what? Being a Cassie has taught me how to have faith in the most absurd of obstacles and because of that, I'm immensely grateful. ARIGATOU~ ^^

Okay ending my entry here cause I gotta CHIONG my obc. GOOD LUCK TO ME MAN. ALWAYS SLACKING. Geez. :(

今天的我真的很想念你。我也不知道为什么。我满脑都是你。。 怎么办？我真的忘不了你。。真的。。但愿我有一天丧失记忆，永远忘记你。。这样，就不会痛了。。

 

DBSK AS FIVE FOREVER!! AKTF! ^^

HARRY POTTER EXHIBITION PART ONE

Today is SUCH A FUN DAY FOR ME!!! Omg. I was totally high throughout the whole day, haha. GUESS WHERE I WENT TO?? :) :) :) THE HARRY POTTER EXHIBITION!!!!!

YES! It's this one. It's freaking this one. MUAHAHAHHAHA. I am so happy okay? I really experienced magic with Elsie and Winnie. I don't know why too but I'm just so happy though the exhibition was at the best only average. Okay. -turns on fangirling mode-

THE EXHIBITION IS SO COOL. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHO GETS TO SAY THAT I'VE SAW THE CLOTHES AND WANDS THAT HARRY POTTER HIMSELF OWNED. OH MY GOD MAN. I SAW HARRY POTTER'S CLOTHES, I ENTERED HAGRID'S HUT, I SAW SNAPE'S WAND. I SAW DRACO MALFOY'S CLOTHES!!!! KYAAAAAAAA~

I'm seriously damn happy okay?? ^^ I was really looking forward to today cause I was afraid that I won't be able to go cause of our conflicting schedules, and in the end? WE MADE IT!!! OMG. I ACTUALLY WAS IN THE GREAT HALL. THE ROBES! THE WANDS! THE DEATHLY HALLOWS!! AHHHHHHH!!! BEAUTIFUL! MAGNIFICENT! WONDERFUL! AMELIA-ISH!!! ( the BEST adjective you can find in the world.)

Amelia (adj.)

1. The best adjective used to describe a noun.

E.g. "This girl is so Amelia, I totally love her!"

HAHA. I just made that up by myself anyway. WHO CARES? Tomorrow there's school and bloody xxj, I get to make myself happy for today right? RIGHT? (Screw bloody pipc tutorial that I haven't do yet. FUCK YOU, hear me? FUCK YOU!)

AHHHH!! Harry Potter makes my snackers in a twist man. :D :D I'm really really SO SO happy that I spent more than $50 for today. My mum was utterly mortified. She was expecting change when she gave me 50 dollars lol. OOPS? Sorry? :x Not my fault they leech off my money right? :P (AND IT'S YOU WHO ALLOW THEM TO LEECH YOUR MONEY OFF!! -screams all the aunties in the world-)

What! SO? It's freaking worth it. ^^ Unless you suddenly tell me that DBSK is back as five and they're coming so Singapore and their tickets cost 50 dollars each and that I have zero money left in my bank account and I just spent my last 50 dollars on Harry Potter exhibition then yes, I would agree with you, I shouldn't have allowed them to leech my money off. Since it's not that case, ^^ HAHA. ALLOW ME TO INDULGE MYSELF!! 

Okay. I seriously need to stop this fangirling. HAHA. Elsie's been complaining that my blog's boring cause it's all "YUNJAE YUNJAE" and "CASSIE CASSIE" so for her sake, let's not fangirl today okay? (only until I blog finish about today. ^^)

So yes, I took the Hogwarts Express with Elsie today to meet Winnie at the Hogwarts entrance. We were three enthralled at the sight of the magnificent castle that we were at a loss for words. Hagrid then brought us into the castle after we gave him our newly-purchased tickets then promptly led us to Professor Mcgonnagal who intimidated us with her stern glare. I honestly don't know why everybody's not afraid of her, LOL. She seems more scary than Umbridge who just looks like a total pink toad. How she can stand to wear her attire totally amazes me. Then, we went...

I wish I could really say that, HAHA. But the truth is, we didn't get to meet these amazing people nor does Hogwarts exist in reality. AHH, :( I wish this was real sometimes, but on the other hand I rather take SPA than brewing potions, ha! Brewing a potion in Pottermore proved difficult for a clumsy and impatient one like me so I'm extra sure now that I totally suck in potions, HAHA. :) WOW. No surprise here. ^^

Okay. I shall not blog about the exhibition and what we saw cause somebody has already kindly blogged it for me. :) Here, since I'm such a kind soul, I shall give you the link to Elsie's blog. See? I'm so kind right? :)

-YAWNS- God. I'm so sleepy after all the excitement. :) Still, there's so much so much SO MUCH MORE TO BLOG ABOUT!! :( Nevermind. Let's continue part two tomorrow okay? I'm sleepy and I cannot think anymore. Ending this blog entry here first. ANTICIPATE PART TWO OH YEAH~

 

"Best friends forever."

- THE SMARTEST NECKLACE ON EARTH! (see above)

drabble

Yo guys. :D I'm blogging cause I'm SO SO satisfied with Nelli's blogpost, HAHAH. :D

Amelia and Carity makes me laugh so much. Love these girls. Only when they don’t bully me. As in 合作欺负我。很讨厌。;p

-From Nelli's blog

Haha, GET USED TO IT, NELLI! ^^ Bullying you is my hobby, HAHA. :) Wee~ When I heard my friends talk about their friendship problems to me, I thought to myself: Girl, it's time for another inspirational post, haha. However yesterday I was too tired that I actually slept at 10. 10 FREAKING PM!!? Can you believe it? O.O Shocked beyond belief can?? HAHA.

Anyway, this post is as usual meant to rant on how excellent and perfect my life is, WAHAHA. What? I might be overestimating it a little, but life is all about perception isn't it? :) Yesterday, to be honest, I was really pissed off, and yet? I also felt wondrously proud and happy at the same time. I could only think to myself this: My juniors ah, they've really grown up. ^^ Now as their senior, I cannot disappoint them and themselves.

Oops. I've sidetracked from the main point again. The main point is this: Everybody walks out of your life at one point of time, so just enjoy it while it lasts? Okay, I know I'm not making much of a sense right now but the thing is these words have been replaying in my brain for a while now: Treasure life for every moment.

What does this five words mean? How can we do about treasuring life? These words have made me ponder quite a bit and as usual, I still cannot come up with a suitable answer. Am I someone who thinks deeply? Yes. The worse thing however is that although I think so much about my life and my mistakes, I never seem to be able to solve them, nor find pleasure in the most simplest of moments.

However, now that I've started this entry, I figured I might as well clear up some misunderstandings before they turn into huge problems ne? First up, (I'm praying that you're reading this Nelli) JOEL!

I DON'T HATE HIM NOR DISLIKE HIM! I am just a teeny weeny jealous of him. I don't know. I don't usually have a problem with my friends being attached, until Sheryl came along. I guess it's just really difficult to remind myself that my friend will not abandon our friendship for her boyfriend and vice versa. Seriously, Sheryl's actions should not define yours Nelli, but I can't help feeling afraid okay? Don't blame me. :( I will try to curb my emotions from now on though.

Next, wait. I don't think there's any next, LOL. I don't really have any misunderstandings already, haha. Still I can't help but feel that I'm growing distant from my secondary school and pri school friends as time goes on and becoming closer to my poly friends instead. It might not feel this way to them but that's how I feel.

All my problems I'm facing in life are not shared to Tingwei or Yilian but rather Carity and Nelli. Why, you may ask, why are you not telling them anything? It's not that I don't. It's just that when I do, I make it difficult for the conversation to continue. I tried to tell Tingwei, but it just made it really awkward for her. She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't even know how to reply to that. Why should I torture her then?

Gradually, I've realised that Tingwei and Yilian have been distancing away from my life that they barely know what's going on in my life anymore. Sure, I know things about Tingwei's life and Yilian's life cause they share things with me, but I've realised that as time passes, I'm not giving anything back to them anymore.

This wall between us, have I erected it between us? I really don't know. I'm just tired of pretending everything's fine and yet I cannot feel the need to burden you with my problems? What do I have to complain about anyway? I have excellent poly friends, a wonderful family, and not bad grades. WHAT DO I HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT?

I don't get myself too. Why can't I ever be satisfied for once? Why am I so greedy? I have tons of friends around me, and yet why am I still yearning for you? I'm surrounded by so many handsome guys and yet my heart is still occupied by that STUPID-JERK-I-CANNOT-HATE. Urk. -.-

This entry is not supposed to be about me but let's just leave it like this kay? I can't be bothered to delete what I've typed out, lol. I'm lazy. ^^ Anyway, now that it's all come to this, I don't know what to say also. Should I talk more to Tingwei? Should I talk more to Yilian? I don't know. I just don't feel like talking sometimes you know? It just sucks that when that mood strikes Tingwei or Yilian are in need of encouragement. Sighs. I don't feel like talking. I wanna be invisible. I wanna fly away~ Away from the stupid expectations of society~ I want it to be just you and me. You, all five of you, and me, this crazy and annoying fangirl.

Okay, I should stop this weird entry here. This is not making any sense, LOL. Ending this weird entry with this weird story of me getting married:

Today the both of them got married. And they are my parents. Daddy Carity and mummy Amelia. The both of them met in heaven. Then mummy got pregnant with their baby and gave birth in heaven. But before daddy can see me, god sent him down to earth to b born as human. Something gone wrong and daddy is a girl. Then mummy gave birth to me. Something went wrong again and god sent me to earth to b born as human before mummy. So now I am older than my mummy by a year. My daddy only older than me by a year too. Ok cool story sis. ;D

Congrats to me. ^^ BYE! :D

東方神起- 왜 Keep Your Head Down

Nice song. I know I'm lag. Kill me then. I have to stop fangirling le. Studies is calling me. Feel like saying screw them but I can't afford to. Fuck. Studying has always been so numbing anyway, why don't I just make use of it? Alright. Off to study. BYE!