Yilian started her post with "Mrs Thomas praised me today..."
So I guess I should start mine with "Mrs Thomas scolded me today..."

Nah, just kidding, lol. She didn't scold me at all. Compared to xxx, she's a saint. Well, at least she doesn't make me feel like some total retard. Or be biased against me cause I'm weak in the subject.
Yup. She's DEFINITELY better than xxx in ten thousand ways.

OH well. I'm proud to announce that I've already completed B1 emaths paper! *HAHA! Take that bitch! I ACTUALLY PRACTISED!!*

Feeling a sense of satisfication now, although I still have chemistry and biology worksheet, and an english report to write. :D

BUT WHO CARES? I actually did an emaths paper.. That's like WORLD-BREAKING news.

Maybe I should make pigs fly by starting on my amaths papers too.

Okay, maybe not. The thought of struggling through the questions already turns me off. I mean, even people like Rita have trouble doing the paper! I'm sorry but if even SHE cannot do it, I'm not gonna overestimate myself and try.

So, goals for the weekend:

1. Complete Chemistry TYS Electrolysis & Mole concepts
2. Do Chemistry worksheet given
3. Do Biology worksheet given
4. Do English report
5. Do Emaths paper B2 (Must finish all papers by sept hols.!)
6. Carry on doing Queenstown Physics paper (MUST NOT SLACK)

OKAY OKAY! JIAYOUS!!!! I MUST NOT SLACK....



This will be my face when I receive my O level results next year.

I CAN DO THIS. :)

P.S. I AM SO MUCH PRETTIER THAN THE PICTURE! ^^

I MUST KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT.

Sighs. Got lost in Singapore trying to find this bloody place. LOL. Yilian said I sounded like I was going crazy and was about to cry on the phone. Well, to be honest, I WAS. Whatever. It's over liao, don't wanna think about it.

LALALA. Did not study today at all. SO MUCH for productivity... LOL. Physics tuiton was kinda funny though.

Teacher: 1 hour equals how many seconds?

Me: 60s.

*Teacher faints*

LOL. My tuition teacher must be going crazy. Hehe.. :D

So that ends today, I guess?

Sighs.

I need to face my past, and accept my mistakes, or at this rate, I'll never move on..

Failing, failing, and failing again.
When will I ever pass?
It's only 92 days left to O levels, and yet?
I failed the recent Chemistry test even though I studied for it.
I failed the history test.
And now I'm gonna fail Amaths tomorrow.

Seriously, what's the point of studying when you're gonna fail?
What's the point of trying when you know you can never do it?
Maybe I'm expecting too much, maybe I should lower my expectations, but is passing a very high expectation?
No, I don't think so.
These days, it's getting so hard to even try again, and it doesn't help that your teacher is so discouraging.
Yeah right, I'm one of the weaker students, so?? BIG DEAL? Just freaking deal with it and move on.
Classmates advise me to ignore her and just concentrate on my work, but it's not feasible isn't it? And I can't deny that she's right. Even if I claimed that I'm "putting in effort". there are no results to prove it. NONE AT ALL.
Worse still, I'm deproving in EVERY single freaking subject. Every single fucking one of them.
I don't even know which subject I'm good at anymore. I don't even know how to begin studying.
I can't even find the motivation to study!
I'm sick of this man. I'm not some freaking robot that can study 24/7. I'M HUMAN.
And yet, these days I don't even talk to my friends anymore. MAJORITY OF MY CONVERSATIONS ARE REALLY JUST: Do you know how to do this question?
While the other party either tells me she doesn't know, or she'll teach me.
I can't believe this either. I feel like I'm losing myself to studying.
And losing my mind along with it.

Yilian says,"I think you're focusing a lot on band. It's time to focus on your studies."

My mum says the exact same thing also. Sighs. Actually, I'm not a person who really cares about what other people say. But after hearing the disappointing performance by my tuba juniors yesterday, I really don't feel like caring about them anymore.

Why should I care anyway? Technically, I've already stepped down. They're none of my business anymore. But still, I cared. And all I got was disappointment in the end. It was not only them though. I was disappointed in the band's state. Seeing the band like that, it makes my heart break you know?

Still, since I'm not supposed to be talking about such negative stuff about band, I shall end here. Those whom I've scolded yesterday, I trust that you have learned your lesson. If you haven't, then well, I've got nothing to say.

You know, after hearing what Yilian said yesterday(regarding the part where I'm too focused on band and her), I've realised that in a way, she was right. I've been focusing on things that I should not be focusing on. Studies should be the most important thing to me right now, not anything else.

I hope that I can cut down my visits to band from now on. I sincerely wish that I have the self-discipline to do so. After all, I don't think I wanna hear anything from them if their playing are still like that. It makes me blame myself for not teaching them properly, and I cannot afford this guilt now. I still have to think about my studies.

As much as it seems tiring now, I believe that I'll pull it through. Or so I hope. God, just don't let anything bad happen.

I don't think I'm ready for it yet.

Distance can not only be measured, but felt too.

Okay, I was thinking these few days that I don't really treat my section well. Haha. If you ask them, I think all they can remember about me are my naggings and scoldings. :D And yet, now that I so called 'stepped down', I feel the urge to praise them. Weird much? HAHA.

SO HERE COMES THIS RATHER BELATED POST THAT I SHOULD HAVE POSTED AFTER SYF.

TUBA

Timlin:

Okay, when you first entered the band, I really held high hopes for you. I thought that since you were a primary school violin player, you would be able to sight-read very well. How wrong I was! HAHA. Hey! Don't take it the wrong way okay? This is meant to be a post filled with my gratitude. MUAHAHA!!! Okay, back to topic. Even though there were times you GREATLY disappoint me, you WERE a good junior, at least better than me. I WAS a HORRIBLE junior. Hehe, :X. You practise when you were supposed to, you followed my rules strictly, and lastly, the GREATEST achievement of all, YOU PUT UP WITH MY MOODSWINGS!! :D:D That is really SUPERB of you. :) I hope that you can continue the section, and lead the section to greater heights along with Zhaoyi. JIAYOUS!!! Even though I do not say it, but trust me, I do have faith in you guys. YOU CAN DO IT.

Jason:

OH MAN! I'll forever remember you man! YOU CAUSED ME THE GREATEST PROBLEMS WHEN YOU FIRST ENTERED THE BAND. You refused to practise, always slacking, don't wanna sit up straight, anyhow play the tuba... FINGERING ALL WRONG... You were truly the BIGGEST headache of all. But you know, I'm really proud of the fact that though no one seems to think highly of you, YOU PROVE THEM WRONG! Everybody thought that you could not play for SYF, even I sometimes doubt you, but you prove every single one of us wrong. You played well on that day, and made no OBVIOUS mistake. You made me real touched man. Haha, but not touched enough to cry, but still, YOU GET MY POINT. Some of the seniors did cry though, when they heard your improved playing.. Sheryl is one of them. So, what I wanna say is, JIAYOUS! Don't ever give up. Don't ever think that you cannot do it, cause you always can. It all boils down to practise. Oh, and lastly, THANKS FOR BEARING WITH MY MOODSWINGS. :) It was kind of you.

Fathin:

Oh.. MY SAVIOUR!! Haha. I remember I was begging you to come back and help cause I was really about to die of stress overload and hypertension. And you really came back! It's really something I'll be forever thankful for, especially since I know that band is not really your passion. So a million thanks! You know, I think I'm the closest to you among the seniors, since I don't really talk to Yoke Ching or Shi Yun. HAHA. Remember the past when we were always gossiping? THOSE WERE GREAT TIMES. :D SO ALWAYS REMEMBER, YOU, FATHIN, ARE ONE OF MY BEST SENIORS. Don't ever forget that!!! You taught me everything that I needed to know. You were truly a good senior. If not for you, those periods before SYF, I'll probably have went crazy. So thank you, thank you, and thank you. (: I'm eternally grateful.

ALSO THANKS TO YOKE CHING WHO TOOK THE TIME TO COME BACK AND HELP OUT!!! THANKS A LOT!!!

P.S. Hong wei I shall thank you for giving emotional support since when you came back you didn't really help. -.- (well, at least you came back. :))

EUPHONIUM

Sheryl:

Sighs. You know what I wanna say? THANKS FOR DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH YOUR OUT OF TUNE NOTES AND SHITTY ATTITUDE. HAHA, okay I'm kidding. But you know, you really drove me crazy back then, but now that I think about it, if not for you, I'll probably not have learnt how to be patient, how to be forgiving, and basically how to be a human with feelings. I remember I used to scold you the most, and treated you the most harshly. In a way, I was biased against you. But I really wanted you to excel in euphonium. YOU ARE MY FRIEND. I wanted you to be the best. Sadly, you weren't, AND IT'S OKAY. Really. After all, you have a whole lifetime to train your skills up right? Don't ever give up on euphonium or music. If you tell me that they're your passion, then continue believing in it and never give up. Times may seem hard now, and you may feel lost, and even doubt your love for euphonium, if that's the case, then I implore you, in that second you feel doubt, play Taishan in your ears, think about the love you felt for the instrument while we all were playing on stage. I think, you'll find back that feeling, that love, that passion back again, and it'll give you strength to continue your path. REMEMBER DON'T EVER GIVE UP.

Zhaoyi:

Okay. I don't have much to say to you. Honestly. Haha. I just feel that you drove me nuts back then but since I drove you nuts too I think it's okay. :D But you know, work hard and maintain the section standard okay? Work with Timlin, and always remember to take note of your tuning. Okay. Bloody hell. The above doesn't sound like a grateful post at all. It sounds more like a section leader talking. LOL. Okay, rephrase. ZHAOYI, thanks for still having the courage to come back to band even though I know you felt scared in band due to criticisms. But hey, you made it through didn't you? It's perhaps because of this strong personality of yours that I believe you'll continue striving. You are strong, girl, very strong. (: CONTINUE TO EXCEL, KAY?! JIAYOUS!!!

Thanks to Chee Han, and Shi Yun who took the time to come back. It was greatly appreciated.

AND LASTLY, EVEN THOUGH IT'S OVERDUE FOR 3 MONTHS NOW...

GOOD JOB EVERYBODY!!! WE GOT BACK SILVER!! THANKS TO EVERYBODY!!!

From your extremely naggy section leader,

Amelia