Elsie's birthday 27/2/12

Yo. Hehe. This post is one day overdue. :)

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELSIE TAY YA XIN!!! :D :D



Yes, she is posing with my birthday present. Now, WHAT EXACTLY DID I MAKE FOR HER??!!!

A FREAKING DIY CALENDAR!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAA *smirks*

Heys, I'm proud of that work okay? It, at least to me, looks mildly presentable, compared to like the horrid bookmarks I made as a graduation gift to my friends. So yes, IT IS DECLARED AS THE SECOND BEST DIY PRESENT!!! :) oh yeah~

In case you're wondering what the first best DIY present is, ask NG TING WEI!!! ^^ wee. (that french horn shit took more effort than Elsie's present. Don't ask me why!)

Okay, back to the topic. Elsie went to find me at my workplace at 6, which was the time I was released from work. Elsie tay ah, feel touched kay? I changed my work schedule because of you. :)

Sadly, that change in work schedule warranted me with lots of unwanted questions such as ,"You dating with your boyfriend ah?" or "so who's birthday is it? *winks*"

I swear my colleagues are just SO BORED sometimes. :( Anyway, bearing the intense teasing, finally, IT'S TIME TO MEET ELSIE. :D

HOHOHOHOHOHO. Yeah, met her, my 'boyfriend', and we ate dinner at Mos Burger.



HAHAHAHAH! Looks freaking great right? HA. YUM YUM! (Yes, the purpose of this photo is to torture my HUNGRY blog readers. MUAHAHAHA) But seriously, it's good.

Okay, if you read Elsie's blog, you'll already know where we went to cause she described it in FULL details. I swear, sometimes it seems like I didn't even go to the place with her. She describes things that I don't even bother noticing. MUAHAHA. :)

Anyway, we went to this shop called Cash Converters after going to Xin Tian Di. (like I said, read Elsie's blog if you want to know the full visit to the place.) AND WHEN I SAW THE INSTRUMENTS I WAS FREAKING WOWED.

They had a second hand trombone up for sale at 100+ dollars!! Michelle, jealous much? :) And then they had numerous guitars and violins. ONE OF THE VIOLIN ONLY CAUSE 25 BUCKS!!! What's best? It came with the accessories!!

OH MY! I'm so tempted to buy... AARGH. But my mum will KILL me I swear. :( Yilian ah, if you're teaching me, I'll immediately buy it okay? I SO WANNA LEARN IT!!! T-T

Okay, this was supposed to be about Elsie's birthday not about my desire to be a violinist. HAAHA. Anyway, like she wrote on her blog, we camwhored on the way home. Don't ask me why I suddenly fell in love with camwhoring. I DON'T KNOW TOO! But I really like doing ridiculous poses with friends and go high. :(

So YUP! Camwhored. :D Pictures on facebook cause I'm lazy to upload. YES. I'M A LAZY PIG!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Alright. I know right? Crazy me. Wee~

But you know, I'm glad you enjoyed it Elsie, since it was the MAIN PURPOSE anyway. HAHA. It was supposed to be one of the memorable birthdays you ever had. :D I HOPED I ACHIEVED IT? :)

Haha.

Once again,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELSIE!!

(even though I'm one day overdue.)

CIAO~

魔幻力量-我是誰我是誰我是誰

I am me, and I am unique. Nobody can replace me. (:

Went to church yesterday and met a senior called Edmund I think? He shared his experience with me as a graduate of Vet Tech course in TP.

What he said had me fearing, had me feeling scared. He said this, you need to be strong in going through this course.

Why?

I wanted to ask, and I did. I think I would be better without the answer though.

Anyway, he told me that the most important thing is to have fun. SO YEAH. I will have fun! God bless me. :D Amen.

Alright. Gotta go work tomorrow so BYE BYE! :)

the lonely- Christina Perri

2 a.m., where do I begin?
Crying off my face again
The silent sounds of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night
But the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me 'til I fall asleep

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there's only me and the lonely

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

Credits: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/christina-perri-lyrics/the-lonely-lyrics.html

This song totally depicted my mood I was utterly speechless. Alright. Gotta go prepare someone's birthday present. Goodbye!

Numb

It's amazing how much faith people place in me sometimes. First Mr Tan, then Ms Mok..

That's why I always hate getting leadership positions. I hate to live up to expectations. I hate to disappoint people because that's what I always do.

If I continue band, I'll disappoint my family (not that exaggerating but you know what I mean). If I don't, I'll disappoint myself and Mr Tan.

Joining band was one of the most important decisions that I've made on my own and even though I suffered a lot throughout and undergone countless trials, I've also gained myself something that is irreplaceable.

I've gained friendship. I've learnt love. I've grown. I've matured.

Till this day, I'll always be grateful to band, for it really taught me a lot.

Sighs. Sometimes, I look at my life and think to myself, what will happen if I didn't make some decisions that I made. What if I made another choice instead? How would my life have turned out?

Still, I don't regret. Really. I've gained myself so much friends, so much LOVE..

It's a wonderful feeling, to be loved, and to love.

My friends, I love them, but I've come to realise that somehow along the lines I've neglected my family. I've neglected myself.

I am selfish. I mean, who isn't? I think everybody is. It's just a matter of the extent of the selfishness.

But you know something? I was taught selflessness by band. I learnt to sacrifice, and in turn, gain much more satisfication and happiness than I would ever feel. I learnt how to lead, and let people lead you.

I've learnt so much and there's still so much more to learn, how can I give up? How can I bear to?

And yet? I don't have that single-minded determination that Mr Tan has. I don't have the passion to play to my best. It's just not there.

At times, I feel like I love band. At times, I feel like I love band cause I have to, and not because I want to.

I feel like a contradiction. Sighs.

I thank Tingwei though, for at least trying to help. :) Thanks a lot.

She did mention something though. If I don't go band, do I feel emptiness? Do I feel like I'm lacking something?

But you know what? Even if I go to band or I don't go to band, there's always this EMPTINESS inside me. Like fuck. I feel like I'm living life for the sake of living.. I feel like I'm just counting the days to my death. At times like this, I really wonder.. Am I suicidal? HAH!

I don't want to end my life you know? I'm not afraid of it but merely waiting for it. Life, death, to me they mean the same thing. It's just a phase everyone goes through.

Spoken like a wise sage huh? Believe me when I say this. I feel so lost right now I feel like ramming my head against the wall cause for hell I can't figure out why I don't feel a single shit now.

DAMN IT!

Am I freaking unemotional? Like seriously, just now during band, when I was teaching (more like torturing) Timlin and Jason, when they couldn't play no matter how many times I repeated the same part, I felt the same old anger and frustration hit me, but the weird thing is that IT CAME QUICKLY AND LEFT QUICKLY. And in turn, I'm only left with emptiness inside my heart.

I laugh, I smile. I get angry, I cry, but I no longer feel anything. Yet, even when I know it is fundamentally wrong, I hope to remain like this forever. In this way, I'm free of hurt, free of anger, free of emotions, free of all my burdens..

It feels great, feels like I'm flying in the sky like a bird, spreading my wings.. flying higher and higher.. (Sorry Tingwei, didn't mean to steal your animal. *winks*)

And despite the damn wink that I just typed, my face is actually devoid of all emotion. My eyes are not even twinkling. (Great, I just sounded like effing Dumbledore.)

Sighs. This post NEEDS to end right now. I don't even know what I'm typing once again. Maybe it's for the best that I'm not writing anymore anyway. My characters and story plot will just be a straight line with no climax and turning point, much like how I feel now. It will be a total failure. Hah.

RAWR!!!

Fuck. I'm so freaking confused now. I don't know what to do. Heck! My mind was all made up so why did you have to CONFUSE ME?!

With just one sentence, you've managed to make me rethink my decision for a whole month. THANKS A LOT MR TAN!!! :( :( :(

Yes, I'm sulking people. Bloody sulking. I don't know why I'm even updating this stupid worthless good for nothing blog when no one's reading it. Shit. Now I sound like a bitter bitch. Hmm.. BB. Sounds catchy doesn't it?

Really, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THESE DAYS?!!! I seriously hate myself. Always second guessing my decisions, being indecisive, CANNOT MAKE UP MY OWN BLOODY MIND.

WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. WRONG. WITH. ME.

Pssh.. Hate all of this shit.

Hate myself the most.

AARGH.

Okay, let's think of this from a logical and a much more calmer point of view.

First question, do I love band?

Answer: YES!

Okay, next question, do I love my tuba?

Answer: I DON'T KNOW.

Moving on, and remember Amelia, BE CALM. TAKE DEEP BREATHS!!!

Question: Am I willing to commit to band?

Answer: I DON'T KNOW.

ALRIGHT, DEEP BREATHS. BREATH IN. BREATH OUT. CALM. CALM. CALM!!! Whoosh..

Question: Will I regret if I don't continue band?

Answer: Now, this is a really tricky question. I really don't know. Yes, I think I will regret in the future but I don't really think I will regret now.

Sighs. Life's so freaking confusing huh? And Mr Tan just had to go and say that.

NOW you're wondering what he said huh? WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HE SAID THAT BROUGHT ON THIS WHOLE MESS AGAIN!

Mr Tan: When I heard that Sheryl wanted to learn so many instruments like cello and euphonium, I got scared for her too. But in the end, it's only all dreams, all talk and no action.

Me: *self chuckles* So you think she will not continue band?

Mr Tan: *laughs out loud* She's already going to go and get married to someone already.

Me: *laughs along* so.. What about me? *nervous* What do you think? Will I continue band? *voice trails off at the end*

Mr Tan: *without a single hesitation* Yes.

Me: 0.0

I was too shocked to reply okay? My whole brain just went like "SHUTTING DOWN IN PROGRESS" and thus I was unable to formulate a response. DAMN IT! I wanted to ask him why he thinks that way, now I missed that damn chance. :(

But seriously, the faith that he placed in me is so shocking. I thought he was disappointed. I thought he had lost his faith in me like countless others, and yet? He did not. I feel oddly touched by that. There's like a warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart? Heh. :)

BUT IT DOES NOT HELP MY DILEMMA. AARGH!

SO what? What do I do?

Sighs. :(

I'm also thinking about the writing stories thingy. I don't want to stop writing, but I seriously don't wanna continue writing about them. Get what I mean? And yet, besides them, I don't know who I can write. Maybe myself? MUAHAHAHA. Like real. -.-

Sorry, my fantasizing is getting out of control. Just ignore me and carry on with your life. Oh, and congratulations on reading this entire post of bullshit. You've just earned a freaking GOLD medal. WEEE~

Seriously, congratulations. I can't even stand to read this bullshit that I'm typing so yeah.. Sighs. How the fuck did I even get an A1 for English anyway? My english is not THAT good. (Please don't start flaming me or criticising me. My english is really not an A1 standard. TRUST ME.)

So this concludes this utter post of bullshit. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING TILL NOW. *deep bows*

BYE!

P.S. This rant is not helping one bit. ==

blogging from WiFi =X

Yo peeps. It's been long since I last updated huh? =) heh. I swear to you it was not done intentionally though. I'm just too lazy. Haha.

Alright. A few updates first. Firstly, my phone number has changed already so please be aware of it. =) yes, it is NO LONGER 82062832, though if you message this number I will contact you with my real changed number. Secondly, michelle's working with me. Lastly, I'm growing to start liking my workplace, mof. =) the people there are really fun to be with. Alright. I'm tired. Bye. Gotta sleep. =)

《你好嗎。我很好》

Don't say goodbye DBSK

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANGMINNIE!! (even though i don't remember the date, OOPS.)

Always keep the faith. HWAITING!

Itsumo Nando Demo

Lyrics:

呼んでいる　胸のどこか奥で
いつも心踊る　夢を見たい

悲しみは　数えきれないけれど
その向こうできっと　あなたに会える

繰り返すあやまちの　そのたびひとは
ただ青い空の　青さを知る
果てしなく　道は続いて見えるけれど
この両手は　光を抱ける

さよならのときの　静かな胸
ゼロになるからだが　耳をすませる

生きている不思議　死んでいく不思議
花も風も街も　みんなおなじ

ラララララララララ・・・・・・・・・
ホホホホルルルル・・・・・・・・

呼んでいる　胸のどこか奥で
いつも何度でも　夢を描こう

悲しみの数を　言い尽くすより
同じくちびるで　そっとうたおう

閉じていく思い出の　そのなかにいつも
忘れたくない　ささやきを聞く
こなごなに砕かれた　鏡の上にも
新しい景色が　映される

はじまりの朝の　静かな窓
ゼロになるからだ　充たされてゆけ

海の彼方には　もう探さない
輝くものは　いつもここに
わたしのなかに　見つけられたから

English translation:

A voice calls softly
It calls from within
To trust my steps
And to keep on dreaming

Around night falls and all turns to grey
But I hold a light to light my way

The sky is a clear blue
no matter what we do
The road is long
But I see the light
That shines at the end
the arms reaching in
I know that you are waiting for me

Though sorrows, troubles
may gather up high
Broken glass pieces
fall from the sky
Memories though sad
Will hold something true
Shattered glass pieces
Reflect something new

la, la, la...
oo...noo...

A voice calls softly
It calls from within
To trust my steps
And to keep on dreaming

Around night falls and all turns to grey
But I hold a light deep in my heart
I knew you were waiting right from the start

la, la, la...
oo...noo...

Credits: http://www.maxilyrics.com/hayley-westenra-itsumo-nando-demo-lyrics-56f7.html

http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/sentochihiro/itsumonandodemo.htm

AHMA

Posting. HAHA. YO! Amelia the Great has finally updated. What's up man! :)

There's really nothing much going on in my life, well, except for work, work, and WORK!

Yes, yes, yes. GO AHEAD AND TELL ME HOW FREAKING MUNDANE MY LIFE IS! I'm actually BORED to tears. WOW.

Sighs. It's weird how the little things can get into you sometimes you know? I was just serving food to a grandmother and her grandson in MOF today when the whispered voice of him calling her grandmother brought tears to my eyes.

I thought to myself then that I would die to have a chance to call my grandmothers that again.

Hah! It's just one word only: Ahma, and yet, it sent my emotions spiraling into a whirlpool and caused me to almost lose control over myself. I was that close to breaking down in a public cafe, and the sole reason of that being the word: Ahma.

Ahma, this name feels me with sweet and yet bitter memories. I never did call my grandmothers ahma after all. I always called them Po Po, grandmother in Chinese, or Ma Ma, grandmother in Teochew. In fact, if I were to be honest, the word Ahma reminds me of my friends more than it reminds me of my grandmothers. After all, practically all of my friends address me by the nickname ahma.

So why is it that I thought of crying when I heard the word Ahma? I really had no idea at first, until I suddenly recalled that there is no one around me that I could call 'Ahma'. I have no more grandmothers. None.

That was when the overwhelming feeling of guilt hit me. What have I been doing with my life? I promised and swore after my grandmother's death that I would NEVER again feel regret at any of my family's funeral and yet? I broke my promise after 8 months time.

No wait, don't get me wrong. I'm not being emotional here, and neither am I feeling terribly sad. I guess somewhere along the way I lost some of my feelings, or maybe I'm just too scared to feel. I don't know anymore.

It's scary. Sometimes, when I look at my reflection in the mirror I can't even recognise myself! I'm changing. I'm turning more and more reserved, more and more quiet.. I don't even see the need to talk to people sometimes. I don't even feel like socialising anymore. I just don't want to hear any more lies and see any more hypocrisy. Haha! I don't even know why I typed the last sentence.

Again, let me emphasis the point that I'm not depressed and neither am I upset. I'm just numb. Plain numb. I don't really feel anything anymore. I don't know. I think I'm going crazy, or maybe I've always been like this all this time; I just didn't realise it.

Sighs. Why the hell is this post turning emo? It's not supposed to be!! Everything's not going the way I want it to. Screw it.

Oh btw, the fanfiction for *AHHEMM* is offically closed. I've deleted the blog as I no longer feel any inspiration to write any love stories especially about the two of them. My apologies to anyone who feels heartbroken although I think no one really cares. Haha. I just dissed myself.

Okay. Entry's over. This post is way weird man. Make what you do of it, for I don't even know the point of this post myself.

Till then.

I never thought that one word would be enough to break my heart.

DAY OUT WITH SHIMIN

YO. HOHOHO~ Okay, I'm crazy.. Anyway, these few days I might not be updating as much due to work. I have a real busy week ahead of me. *faints*

Alright, so on to the main point of the post. DAY OUT WITH SHIMIN! Photos..

















ME trying to imitate Tingwei..







Shimin trying to imitate Tingwei..







THE ORIGINAL! HAHA. (We terribly failed. :D)


































TADA! This concludes the day we had. Yes, all pictures and little words, well, I'm lazy, SO DEAL WITH IT! HAH! :D

Tomorrow spending Valentine's with Vivian. Wee~ Bye for now.

Tawny Owl

The Tawny Owl or Brown Owl (Strix aluco) is a stocky, medium-sized owl commonly found in woodlands across much of Eurasia. Its underparts are pale with dark streaks, and the upperparts are either brown or grey. Several of the eleven recognised subspecies have both variants. The nest is typically in a tree hole where it can protect its eggs and young against potential predators. This owl is non-migratory and highly territorial. Many young birds starve if they cannot find a vacant territory once parental care ceases.

This nocturnal bird of prey hunts mainly rodents, usually by dropping from a perch to seize its prey, which it swallows whole; in more urban areas its diet includes a higher proportion of birds. Vision and hearing adaptations and silent flight aid its night hunting. The Tawny is capable of catching smaller owls, but is itself vulnerable to the Eagle Owl or Northern Goshawk.

Although many people believe this owl has exceptional night vision, its retina is no more sensitive than a human's. Rather, it is its asymmetrically placed ears that are key to its hunting because they give the Tawny Owl excellent directional hearing. Its nocturnal habits and eerie, easily imitated call, have led to a mythical association of the Tawny with bad luck and death.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ARE YOU FUCKING ADORABLE SHIT!!!!

*melts into a piece of goo*

SO FREAKING CUTE!!!

Credits: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tawny_Owl

I need to get a life.

I don't know what to say. When I saw Aik Kein got the scholarship, I was like really envious!! I really hoped to get one. I fervently wished that I would be the one to post on Facebook that I got the scholarship but alas, my wish cannot come true.

Sighs. I hate being jealous of people but this seems to be all that I'm capable of these days. I'm jealous of Yilian being able to be in CATS club. I mean, hell, she gets to take care of cats while all I can do here is sulk all day long cause not a single animal shelter replied me. (I didn't apply for SPCA since they needed a commitment of 4 months.)

And now I'm jealous of Aik Kein. =.= I really need to grow up man. Well, if the scholarship is in my hands, it is. If it isn't, maybe fate or God wishes it so. Who knows? I might be better without it. Yeah right. I'm more like bitter without it.

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people like me who cannot seem to appreciate life and is complaining every single day and getting jealous over the most smallest and most ridiculous of things. Now I'm finding fault with myself. OH GREAT.

Oh well, at least tomorrow's work's beginning. I'm working in MOF in AMK hub for everybody's info. Hah. Yes, I know that this is a public blog and that everybody can see and go to the place and torture me. Well, go ahead. I don't give a shit anymore.

AISH! Now I'm getting pissed at myself. Why the hell am I so bitter? FREAK MYSELF! Now Amelia, GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD SO DON'T ACT LIKE IT IS!!!!! AARGH. I'm gonna kill myself one of these days.

Alright. Let me end this entry before I start to curse myself, worse still, actually kill myself. Oh, and for the record, I'm really happy for Aik Kein that she got the scholarship. Really happy. :)

Okay guys, goodbye for now.

P.S. I'M ECSTATIC THAT MICHELLE IS IN THE SAME SCHOOL AS ME! :D ROCK ON~

feelings gone.

I purposely waited till this day to post about him. Haha. What better day to announce that I've already put past my feelings towards him than his birthday?

Yes, dickhead, I'm FINALLY over you. As in yes, seriously. I no longer think of you and all the what ifs and all the what could have happeneds, instead I think of you and how much I wanna kill you. Hah. *grins wickedly*

Nah, I'm just kidding here okay? Just in case everybody's confused and stuff. I AM NOT making a death threat. (l'm dead if he decides to sue me.)

But still, it's a relief that finally my heart is whole again! YAY! NO MORE GUYS IN MY LIFE! :D Yes, I'm a freaking sexist. So? SUE ME LA! :P

And this thereby marks the end of the blogpost. Goodbye!

OH WAIT.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUNHO OPPA!! :D :D ^^ ^^

I look forward to the TVXQ comeback! MUAHAHAHA!

P.S. I'm one day late.



AND YOU TOO JAEJOONG OPPA!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ^^ :D

I HOPE YOU WILL CONTINUE YOUR SUCCESSFUL CAREER! HAHA. *winks*

P.S. I'm 11 days late.

HAVE A GREAT DAY PEEPS. And Yilian, have a great time with June. X) And thanks Michelle, for the concern. xD

Moving on

“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.”

The Crow (1994)

“It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth — and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up — that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ro

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” Author Unknown

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”
David Harkins

I'm thankful for everything you've taught me. You hold my upmost respect and I will keep you in loving memory.

Rest in peace, my grandmother.

"For tears are not a sign of weakness, but of strength, as greater courage is needed to let one's emotion out and appear vulnerable in front of many."

“Another Sunrise, Another New Beginning.” Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm looking forward to it.

Credits: http://www.equotesaboutmovingon.com/

good bye

These few days have been exhuasting. I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. Sighs. Tomorrow's the cremation. Everybody's going to break down, and everybody's gonna cry.

Strong. We must be strong. We must have a positive outlook towards life. We must be optimistic. But for once, I really can't be bothered.

Wallowing in self-misery.

Alone.

Crying.

Tracing the words on the glass..

Goodbye..