YO! I'm so tired right now but I guess I should just address this once and for all.
I AM FINE! DAIJOUBU!
Honestly, after experiencing my previous grandmother's death... I don't think I even feel that sad anymore.
What do I mean by that? Well, it's simple. How would you feel if your grandmother begged you to leave the hospital? How would you feel if you had to be there while your aunts and uncles told her she was dying? How would you feel when you know she's in pain and there's nothing to do to help? How would you feel if you had to make decisions that could change her life forever?
We had to choose whether to amputate her leg anot, and then when the situation worsened, choose to stop the antibiotics anot, and then, choose to stop dialysis anot..
Those who studies biology, I'm sure you'll understand. My deceased grandmother was diabetic and suffered from kidney failure too. YOU DO KNOW WHAT STOPPING DIALYSIS MEANS RIGHT? It means killing her, it means that every single one of us are killers.
This knowledge has somehow fitted right in me and settled in. I've learnt to live with it. Anyway, my main point is this, compared to my previous grandmother who suffered so much, I am happy that my this grandmother did not suffer as much.
Her heartbeat just went very fast after the operation and she passed away. Thank God! Really. It's not happiness for the fact that she died but happiness for the fact that she did not suffer. SO GUYS, I'M REALLY FINE.
I've learnt to look forward, learnt to live with it and most importantly, learnt to overcome it. Still, thanks for your concern. LOVE YOU GUYS. ^^
Oh, did I mention the vegetarian food is nice? TOTALLY AWESOME! :D Might even considering converting to a vege, haha.
OH. By the way, Yilian ah, JUST BE YOURSELF MAN! Don't be afraid. I'm sure that everyone will love you just the way you are and you'll find a lot of new friends!! :)
Monday, January 30, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
RIP
This is the 100th post, and yet, I'm gonna say something sad.
My grandmother passed away today.
Rest in peace!
My grandmother passed away today.
Rest in peace!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
FIRST DAY OF CHINESE NEW YEAR
Wee. My attire's real cool huh? LOL. That's me in leopard prints btw. Totally sexy huh? :D I ROCK! MUAHAHAA! Anyway, today's just a real busy day and I'm tired after all the events so I'm just gonna say HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Alright.. PHOTOS!!
THREE SISTERS.
TADA! Done. Hope everyone's satisfied with the photos update. Till then. :D
Monday, January 23, 2012
Regret- Mai Hoshimura
Regret- Mai Hoshimura.
Lyrics:
窓の外の景色 移り変わって
季節までがあたしを置いてく
誰より近くにいて 不安の種に
どうしてあのとき気づけなかった？
あなたの姿が見えなくなる前に
たったのたった一言
「行かないで」が言えなかった
あなたが幸せならそれで
いいなんて絶対に言えない
ねじ曲がったこんな心が
どうしようもないくらいあたしは嫌い
誕生日にもらった イニシャルリング
思い出せば辛いだけなのに
今更分かったのは 思う以上に
あなたを必要としてたこと
二人で築いた時間さえ壊すように
心と裏腹に出てきた言葉
味気ないサヨナラ
あなたがすごく後悔する
そんな日が来ること望んでる
意地悪で醜い心が
昨日よりももっとあたしは嫌い
あなたが幸せならそれで
いいなんて絶対に言えない
ねじ曲がったこんな心が
どうしようもないくらいあたしは嫌い
あなたがすごく後悔する
そんな日が来ること望んでる
意地悪で醜い心が
昨日よりももっとあたしは嫌い
Translation:
The scenery outside the window changes
As the seasons themselves leave me behind
You were always there for me to quell my anxiety
Why couldn't I see it back then?
And as you slipped from my sight
The only thing I couldn't bring myself to say was "Don't go"
It's alright with me if your happy, but I won't say I am
because I don't think there's anything I can do
to fix this loathsome, twisted heart of mine
The initial ring I received on my birthday
Remembering only makes me painful but
What I finally realized is that I relied
On you more than I thought
As if to even destroy the times spent together
The words that came out contrary to my heart was a good-bye in vain
I'm wishing that a day when you'll greatly regret will come
I hate this mean and ugly heart more than yesterday
It's alright with me if your happy, but I won't say I am
because I don't think there's anything I can do
to fix this loathsome, twisted heart of mine
I'm wishing that a day when you'll greatly regret will come
I hate this mean and ugly heart more than yesterday
Credits: http://lyrics.wikia.com/%E6%98%9F%E6%9D%91%E9%BA%BB%E8%A1%A3_%28Hoshimura_Mai%29:Regret/en
Sunday, January 22, 2012
emo rant 2
Happy Chinese New Year, though it doesn't feels like it to me.
Sighs. I'm tired of pretending that I'm not hurt by your actions, but really, what right do I have to care? Are we even friends, or are we mere acquaintances? I'm tired of it all man. I don't even wanna act like I'm cool about it cause I really ain't. I'm hurt, my heart is breaking and you know what's worse? Pretending that I don't give a bloody shit.
Sorry that this blog is going to be emo for a while. I can't exactly write about happy stuff and to be honest, I don't want to. My sister said, everyone has their own demons to conquer. But you know what I think? It's not that I cannot conquer my demons, it's that I want you by my side and conquer them together.
OH great. Now people's gonna think I'm just some girl who's heartbroken after a breakup or something like that. Well, sorry to burst your bubble but I'm not, as you put it, attached or anything. I'm just mourning the loss of a good good close friend.
I think the phrase is true, you never know what you have till you've lost it. Yes, I only know how much I want you by my side when I've lost you. Hah. We're talking now as I typed this blogpost but you know what, you don't even notice it. You don't notice the distance between us. I thought it's gonna be a convo between you and me only but you went ahead and invite your friend in without telling me. Just great. Now I have to pretend I'm not jealous. Now I have to act friendly with her cause of you. And you know what's the best, I even tried gaming for you. I tried playing that stupid fucking game cause I didn't want to lose contact with you. Cause I still wanted myself to be in your life.
But now, I really don't freaking care anymore. You don't know how I feel. You practically don't even care. All those times fangirling together, all those times I opened my heart to you like you did to me, they probably don't even matter. You know what? Go to hell. If you don't care, then I shan't too. This friendship was ruined by my mistakes and maybe you're just too hurt to care anymore and you've found new friends. Great. Good. You live your life and I shall live mine. Bye. I promise you won't hear from me anytime soon.
Sorry to readers who are reading this blog. I just needed to get it off my chest. Anyway, happy chinese new year to all of my friends! :D
Emo rant.
Was searching for volunteering opportunities online in animal shelters when I got reminded of my dead hamster. Haha. I can't help but wondered then:
Is it better to allow one to open one's heart to love and bear with the hurt of its loss or simply never open one's heart in the first place?
I know that I don't really make sense right now but suddenly the thought just struck me, especially when my aunt cautioned me against getting another pet.
Will I constantly make comparison between my dead hamster and my new pet?
Will I be able to provide the love that it needs?
I'm not really sure about it now myself. I used to think that I was not the gentle sort, but look at how soft hearted I was to my dead hamster! I don't even know what to think anymore.
I sent an email to volunteer at Mutts and Mittens. I'm really hoping they'll accept me, haha. Sorry for the sudden change in topic. :) It's just that I really really want a new hamster but I know it's not possible and it's really very selfish of me to demand one from my parents when my grandmother's situation is like this.
Death seems to be inevitable, huh? But all the more when death approaches, life seems to superabounds. At least, it is this way to me. There's nothing I can do to help anyway, unless I suddenly invent the cure for cancer.
Hah! But seriously, why is all this shit happening now? I don't get it. I thought that it'll all be over. I thought it's just a phase of life, never did I imagine that I'll return to Singapore General Hospital sooner than I thought. It's okay though, I'm fine emotionally. In fact, to be honest, I don't really know what I'm feeling right now or how I should even react.
Sighs. What a happy Chinese New Year this is turning out to be. Happy fucking Chinese New Year. ==
Yay! Now I finally know what I'm feeling. Frustration. Anger and helplessness. Oh great, just so great, maybe I should just pretend that nothing's wrong. Haha. Much happier to be ignorant of the world. YAY!
Tralala~ I don't even know why this is an emo rant when it's supposed to be an update. Maybe my heart is just tired of being ignored. Bitch. I hate my heart sometimes. Attention seeking shit.
Sighs. Save me from self-delusions man, someone! Cause right now, I'm fearing for my own sanity. Hah! Now, I finally can use those three words: FUCK MY LIFE!
That night, I dreamt of you. You were sitting on the green pastures of the hill, playing happily with your friends; the people whom you're close with now. You seemed to not notice me as I stood there observing you, feeling like the outsider that I already was. I tried to walk over to you to greet you, but no matter what, I couldn't cross over. I remembered how frantic I was at that time, screaming your name and begging for you to hear me as you remain oblivious of my presence. Fear of losing you gripped me and before I knew it, I could taste the salt of my tears. It was as though there was an invinsible barrier being placed within you and me, blocking me, denying me access..
It was at that instant that I probably realised the truth.
You were not my close friend anymore, and perhaps, you never will..
And as I woke up from my dream, I finally faced what my heart was trying to tell me.
你還是要幸福 我才能確定我還得很清楚
你如果很幸福 半夜的簡訊我就無需回覆
Is it better to allow one to open one's heart to love and bear with the hurt of its loss or simply never open one's heart in the first place?
I know that I don't really make sense right now but suddenly the thought just struck me, especially when my aunt cautioned me against getting another pet.
Will I constantly make comparison between my dead hamster and my new pet?
Will I be able to provide the love that it needs?
I'm not really sure about it now myself. I used to think that I was not the gentle sort, but look at how soft hearted I was to my dead hamster! I don't even know what to think anymore.
I sent an email to volunteer at Mutts and Mittens. I'm really hoping they'll accept me, haha. Sorry for the sudden change in topic. :) It's just that I really really want a new hamster but I know it's not possible and it's really very selfish of me to demand one from my parents when my grandmother's situation is like this.
Death seems to be inevitable, huh? But all the more when death approaches, life seems to superabounds. At least, it is this way to me. There's nothing I can do to help anyway, unless I suddenly invent the cure for cancer.
Hah! But seriously, why is all this shit happening now? I don't get it. I thought that it'll all be over. I thought it's just a phase of life, never did I imagine that I'll return to Singapore General Hospital sooner than I thought. It's okay though, I'm fine emotionally. In fact, to be honest, I don't really know what I'm feeling right now or how I should even react.
Sighs. What a happy Chinese New Year this is turning out to be. Happy fucking Chinese New Year. ==
Yay! Now I finally know what I'm feeling. Frustration. Anger and helplessness. Oh great, just so great, maybe I should just pretend that nothing's wrong. Haha. Much happier to be ignorant of the world. YAY!
Tralala~ I don't even know why this is an emo rant when it's supposed to be an update. Maybe my heart is just tired of being ignored. Bitch. I hate my heart sometimes. Attention seeking shit.
Sighs. Save me from self-delusions man, someone! Cause right now, I'm fearing for my own sanity. Hah! Now, I finally can use those three words: FUCK MY LIFE!
That night, I dreamt of you. You were sitting on the green pastures of the hill, playing happily with your friends; the people whom you're close with now. You seemed to not notice me as I stood there observing you, feeling like the outsider that I already was. I tried to walk over to you to greet you, but no matter what, I couldn't cross over. I remembered how frantic I was at that time, screaming your name and begging for you to hear me as you remain oblivious of my presence. Fear of losing you gripped me and before I knew it, I could taste the salt of my tears. It was as though there was an invinsible barrier being placed within you and me, blocking me, denying me access..
It was at that instant that I probably realised the truth.
You were not my close friend anymore, and perhaps, you never will..
And as I woke up from my dream, I finally faced what my heart was trying to tell me.
It's time to let go..
你還是要幸福 我才能確定我還得很清楚
確定自己再也不會佔據 你的篇幅
明天 開始 這一切都結束..
你如果很幸福 半夜的簡訊我就無需回覆
因為你的悲喜已經有了 容身之處 我也 能有 最純粹的孤獨..
Friday, January 20, 2012
MONEY! @-@
YO! It's been a while since I updated isn't it? Hah! Life, I guess, has been real busy these days. I was working in Raffles Xchange selling Chinese New Year cookies. NICE JOB! Haha. :D I got to eat free cookies and I got to meet new people. Wee~
The only bad thing about the job is that it's freaking far, and I missed the shopping date with Tingwei and Yilian because of it. :( SO SAD! I was really hoping to shop with them! I guess that's cause I know that I won't get to see them that often anymore and I wanna spend as much time as I can with them. Oh, not to forget Michelle and Shimin. AGES SINCE I LAST SAW THEM!
Yesterday was Sien's birthday so here, I shall wish this old woman a happy birthday! Hah. Yes woman, I'm saying you're old even though you're only 17 while I'm 1017. HAHA! I don't make sense do I? But that's me. WEEE!
I think I'm sort of high here. Yes, to answer your question, I lack sleep, SO NOW I'M CRAZY! MUAHAHAHAAHAA!! ^^ ^^ ^^ *spams smiles*
Alright, I should stop this blogpost before my blabbering overwhelms this post and anybody who reads this starts to get a headache trying to figure out what I'm saying, lol. :D OKAY. So this is it. BYE BYE!
Shalom~
I'll live, laugh, love and make every moment of my life a special one cause I know I don't get a second chance.
Treasure, before it's too late.
The only bad thing about the job is that it's freaking far, and I missed the shopping date with Tingwei and Yilian because of it. :( SO SAD! I was really hoping to shop with them! I guess that's cause I know that I won't get to see them that often anymore and I wanna spend as much time as I can with them. Oh, not to forget Michelle and Shimin. AGES SINCE I LAST SAW THEM!
Yesterday was Sien's birthday so here, I shall wish this old woman a happy birthday! Hah. Yes woman, I'm saying you're old even though you're only 17 while I'm 1017. HAHA! I don't make sense do I? But that's me. WEEE!
I think I'm sort of high here. Yes, to answer your question, I lack sleep, SO NOW I'M CRAZY! MUAHAHAHAAHAA!! ^^ ^^ ^^ *spams smiles*
Alright, I should stop this blogpost before my blabbering overwhelms this post and anybody who reads this starts to get a headache trying to figure out what I'm saying, lol. :D OKAY. So this is it. BYE BYE!
Shalom~
I'll live, laugh, love and make every moment of my life a special one cause I know I don't get a second chance.
Treasure, before it's too late.
Monday, January 16, 2012
My choices
Updating my blog because it is mean to expect people to update their blog when I don't even update mine. So yeah, UPDATING~
Sighs. I don't really have much to talk about though, besides how it is a darn miracle that I got A1 for English. I can't believe it! I mean, even Ryan Foo, Jiaqing and Xiangli didn't get an A1. They all got B3, but this just proves how much of a genius they are since Xiangli's L1R5 is like 9. ==
Oh, and I didn't sleep in church yesterday, although I was late for around 45min. The sermon was surprisingly interesting! I laughed along with the pastor's jokes and really paid attention for once. Muahaha. Pigs are really flying.
Then after that, I went to SWS. Okay. Totally felt like shit there. I keep pulling Brandon down la! T-T I felt so bad towards him, lol. GOMENASAI!!!
Oh. I think I'm supposed to post my choices up here? Haha. Okay, here goes..
1st choice: Temasek Polytechnic Vetinarary Technology
2nd choice: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Vetinarary Bioscience
3rd choice: Nanyang Junior College Science
4th choice: Meridian Junior College Science
5th choice: Catholic Junior College Science
6th choice: Anderson Junior College Arts
7th choice: Nanyang Junior College Arts
8th choice: Meridian Junior College Arts
9th choice: Catholic Junior College Arts
10th choice: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Mass Communication
11th choice: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Banking and Finance
12th choice: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Biomedical
Tada. So this are all my 12 choices. Wee~
Now that I've run out of things to say, SAYONARA!
P.S. I'm watching Naruto these days. MUAHAHAHA.
Sighs. I don't really have much to talk about though, besides how it is a darn miracle that I got A1 for English. I can't believe it! I mean, even Ryan Foo, Jiaqing and Xiangli didn't get an A1. They all got B3, but this just proves how much of a genius they are since Xiangli's L1R5 is like 9. ==
Oh, and I didn't sleep in church yesterday, although I was late for around 45min. The sermon was surprisingly interesting! I laughed along with the pastor's jokes and really paid attention for once. Muahaha. Pigs are really flying.
Then after that, I went to SWS. Okay. Totally felt like shit there. I keep pulling Brandon down la! T-T I felt so bad towards him, lol. GOMENASAI!!!
Oh. I think I'm supposed to post my choices up here? Haha. Okay, here goes..
1st choice: Temasek Polytechnic Vetinarary Technology
2nd choice: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Vetinarary Bioscience
3rd choice: Nanyang Junior College Science
4th choice: Meridian Junior College Science
5th choice: Catholic Junior College Science
6th choice: Anderson Junior College Arts
7th choice: Nanyang Junior College Arts
8th choice: Meridian Junior College Arts
9th choice: Catholic Junior College Arts
10th choice: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Mass Communication
11th choice: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Banking and Finance
12th choice: Ngee Ann Polytechnic Biomedical
Tada. So this are all my 12 choices. Wee~
Now that I've run out of things to say, SAYONARA!
P.S. I'm watching Naruto these days. MUAHAHAHA.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
O levels results
Hey there, bet you'll are curious about my result. Sorry it took me so long to blog about it but to be fair, I was EXHAUSTED by the open houses. Okay, so on to results.
Now, my results are not bad but neither are they very good. Kind of stuck in the middle, if you get what I mean. Okay. Here goes..
English A1
Chinese A1
Comb. Humanities A2
Maths A2
Amaths B3
Biology B3
Physics B3
Chemistry B3
L1R5: 12
Tada. Done. Kinda good right? Yeah. I was really stunned when I received the results. REALLY. I mean, TO HELL WITH IT. I actually got 12! My physics is a B3 and my amaths is B3 too!!
I don't know how to explain my joy. It was overwhelming, so much so that I sat there like a stone for a few minutes. Then later, reality sat in.
What about my friends? Will I be separated from them?
And true enough, my worst fear was confirmed. My friends didn't really score that well.
It was like Chinese O level results all over again. Me, trying not to sound so hypocrite while comforting my friends and feeling sad and worried for them.
Sighs. I hate it! :( Pretending never was my forte and I never want it to be.
After that, I went and visit band for a while before heading to Singapore General Hospital. I never thought I'll see that damn place again. I was walking up the slope and all the old memories surfaced back in my mind. Talk about a mood dampener.
By the time I reached the hospital itself, I was in no mood to celebrate. Visiting my grandmother proved to be as bad as I thought. Seeing someone in pain.... Well, I think I sort of died all over again.
Then the questions came.
How much did you score?
Where are you planning to go?
JC or poly?
I was so sick and tired of answering all the questions that by the time I went home, I just snapped at my father when he asked my results. Probably not the best idea.
Tralala. Now moving on~
I went to the various open houses and now the only conclusion I can get is I'm very tired and I can't really care less anymore. Seriously.
Polytechnic and junior college. The oh-so-famous dilemma.
Sighs.
Fuck my life.
Aargh. >:(
Now, my results are not bad but neither are they very good. Kind of stuck in the middle, if you get what I mean. Okay. Here goes..
English A1
Chinese A1
Comb. Humanities A2
Maths A2
Amaths B3
Biology B3
Physics B3
Chemistry B3
L1R5: 12
Tada. Done. Kinda good right? Yeah. I was really stunned when I received the results. REALLY. I mean, TO HELL WITH IT. I actually got 12! My physics is a B3 and my amaths is B3 too!!
I don't know how to explain my joy. It was overwhelming, so much so that I sat there like a stone for a few minutes. Then later, reality sat in.
What about my friends? Will I be separated from them?
And true enough, my worst fear was confirmed. My friends didn't really score that well.
It was like Chinese O level results all over again. Me, trying not to sound so hypocrite while comforting my friends and feeling sad and worried for them.
Sighs. I hate it! :( Pretending never was my forte and I never want it to be.
After that, I went and visit band for a while before heading to Singapore General Hospital. I never thought I'll see that damn place again. I was walking up the slope and all the old memories surfaced back in my mind. Talk about a mood dampener.
By the time I reached the hospital itself, I was in no mood to celebrate. Visiting my grandmother proved to be as bad as I thought. Seeing someone in pain.... Well, I think I sort of died all over again.
Then the questions came.
How much did you score?
Where are you planning to go?
JC or poly?
I was so sick and tired of answering all the questions that by the time I went home, I just snapped at my father when he asked my results. Probably not the best idea.
Tralala. Now moving on~
I went to the various open houses and now the only conclusion I can get is I'm very tired and I can't really care less anymore. Seriously.
Polytechnic and junior college. The oh-so-famous dilemma.
Sighs.
Fuck my life.
Aargh. >:(
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Without you -x japan
歩き疲れた 夜に伫む
流れる涙を记忆に重ねて
出会いの数だけ 别れはあるけど
限り无い时が続くと信じてた
伤つけ合った言叶さえ 今は抱きしめ
振り返るだけ I feel alone
How should I love you
How could I feel you
Without you
数え切れない思い出が时间を
埋め尽くす
同じ时代に生まれて出会った
それぞれの爱を 确かめるために
I still remember 答えのない明日に
梦を求めていた日々を
限りなく広がる空に もう一度
生まれた意味
今を生きる意味を
问いかけて
生きてる事が 时には辛くて
素直になれない 自分を演じてた
贵方を爱して 贵方に伤ついて
爱と言う言叶の 深さに気づいた
Do you remember 初めて出会った日の事
同じ梦を见た时を
限りなく広がる空にもう一度
生まれた意味を
问い挂けて
How should I love you
How could I feel you
Without you
终わりのない爱の诗を 今贵方に
Even though I can't see you anymore
Your memory will live in my heart
Forever
As well as love does
So I won't say...good bye
中文：
走得累了 夜渐渐深
泪水流下 与记忆重叠
虽然相逢有限 也有离别
但我相信时间无限终将继续
互相伤害的言语
拥抱着现在 我只想回到过去
I FEEL ALONE
我该如何爱你
我该怎样才能感受到你
没有你
数不清的思念的时间 将它掩埋
生在同一个时代的我们相遇了
为了确定彼此的爱
我还记得 没有回答的明天
追求梦想的每一天
再一次 向着无限宽广的天空
追问
生存的意义 如今还活着的意义
不能再本色的 演绎着自己
我爱着你 我伤害着你
爱这个字 我倾入了多深的感情
你还记得吗 第一次见面那天的事情
看见同一个梦想的那个时刻
我该如何爱你
再一次向着无限宽广的天空
追问
生存的意义
如今活着的意义
我该如何爱你
我该怎样才能感受到你
没有你
永不结束的爱之诗
现在
为你
永远
如爱本身一样长久
所以
我永不会对你说
再见
Credits: http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/65210148.html
Friday, January 6, 2012
Farewell
Yo peeps. Haha. How's the year been for you? So far, it has been excellent for me. I mean really, NOT WORKING IS EXCELLENT.
Muahaha. But you know, thinking about the release of results is driving me mad. Literally. And.. It's not the results that scare me the most. Yes, granted, I am worried about my results, but what really scares me the most is that all this *gestures hands at all my friends* are going to end.
What if we lose contact?
What if we become strangers?
What if we don't even talk to each other anymore?
I may be delusional last night when I kept telling Yilian I love you but that didn't mean I did not mean any word of it. I guess what Winnie said was right.
Of course, with beginnings, there are endings. And with endings, new beginnings. Sighs. I can't expect it to last forever. That will be delusional of me indeed. All I am going to say is this.
I will miss my friends, every single one of you.
Firstly, to Michelle.
I'm so sorry for giving you one word replies that day but you know.. HARRY POTTER FANFICTION WAS JUST TOO HARD TO RESIST.
But you know, though I'll admit that the incident with Sheryl deeply hurt both of us, I'm really glad that you're my friend. I remember those times in band when I would complain endlessly while you would just take it all in.
We would both talk to each other about the various problems in the section and we would suggest ideas to fix it. You know, I think I couldn't have made it alive without your help. Even though my section members are a lovable sort, they can be a handful at times.
I used to trust everything that you said and I'm really upset that I can't anymore. Sincerely. I miss the old times we used to had. I miss talking to you on the phone for hours, droning about two particular idiots, one of which who still has my heart.
Out of all my friends, though I've not known you for the longest, I feel that even up till now, you would bring my attention to things or feelings that I unconsciously would try to evade. You made me face them. You know, if you were ever any one of the Harry Potter houses, if you ever had a chance of putting on the Sorting Hat, beyond any doubt, you would have a Griffindor. A true and brave courageous soul.
I regret not spending more time with you. I regret all the past things that we have done, but as the wise men always say, there's no point in regreting the past, for the past we cannot change but the future we can.
Just know this Michelle, I strive to be close to you once more and no matter what our future paths may take, you'll always be a friend to me. One of my closest friends. :)
Alright, next person,
Low Yi lian.
Sighs. I think I'll miss you. You must keep replying to my messages okay? I'll sue you if you don't. :(
Well well well, what can I say man? Seriously. You are everything that I can't sum up in words. an excellent friend? A great shoulder to cry on? A quiet listener? A wise women of words?
I'll never forget the day when we talked on the phone. Yes, I know that I always tell you that I didn't really feel very close from the conversation and blah blah blah.. But it's fake okay? I did feel very close to you. I spoke of things that up till now I haven't even spoke to anyone. Okay, not true. Everybody knows it I think. Shit! I never told Tingwei. Tingwei ah, if you see this, don't kill me okay? I'll tell you when I see you. :( :(
And back to the main point. I can clearly remember that night. It was late, most of my friends are asleep and yet, I needed a listening ear. I would be lying if I said you were the top of my choices. No it was not. You were not, but now you are.
I remember my hands were shaking as I dialled your number. Hell, my palms were cold with sweat. I was nervous, especially more so when I typed in the clique blog previously when I said that I didn't want to talk to you. Yes, I regret typing that now. It was all jealousy speaking I swear.
And then I heard your voice. You were as surprised as me. Hah. And our extremely awkward conversation began. I cannot remember what we first talked about, but I remember when we started sharing about our lives.
Something in me broke, and I told you things I would never dream of telling others besides Shimin. I never dreamt that I could get so close to you and whenever I look at you, I am reminded of that fact. I will look at you and think to myself: Thank God for that phone call, thank God for you.
You are one of the most amazing people in my life. You listen, always without condemning. You offer your advice so freely, and speak words that truly reveals your wisdom. And yet, you never fail to be modest.
It didn't matter to you that I freely admitted that half of my life in secondary school, I was jealous of you. It didn't matter to you that past hatred and prejudices prevented me from being your friend. No, it didn't matter to you.
You have a forgiving heart and to you past mistakes don't matter. For that, I'm sincerely thankful. I couldn't have managed it without you by my side during my grandmother's death. It was like I was drowning and you and my many other friends were plank of woods aiding my survival. You pulled me up, rescued me even. So for that, I sincerely thank you.
Thank you for everything that you have done. No matter if our paths diverge in the future, no matter if your results are not up to your expectations, just know this. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, if you ever need a friend, call me, and I'll be there.
You are precious to my heart, never ever forget that.
Now next, Ng Ting Wei...
Ahh. You are seriously the miracle I never expected to happen. I never expect to become close with you. Never expect you will be a close friend to be. Never man.
And yet, you were. You still are. My friend, don't get mad with me if I haven't told you anything yet okay? Time is short and is of essence, whatever I didn't say was not out of will, but due to the various limitations. Besides, you are the one who is the most updated about me right now. Hah!
Seeing your messages, they never fail to amuse me. Indeed, you are a remarkable woman, managing to wake me up in my sleep just to on the computer to talk to you. Tingwei ah. You just accomplished one of the most impossible tasks on the Earth. LOL.
Sighs. I really don't know what to say to you you know? If I were to describe you, you're like the walking sunshine. Among our clique, I guess nobody would think that you are the atmosphere maker but in my opinion, you are.
However, you are not as innocent as you appear. LOL. Shimin's and my influence have corrupted you so. x) Still, the way you talk, and the way you think, you are as pure as ever.
Thank you. Thank you for listening to my endless complains without saying anything. (except for the scoldings which I greatly appreciate.)
And lastly, thank you for the wonderful timing you have. I can't believe I'm messaging you as I talk. Hah. Still, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
I remember me and Yilian will always compare about who you have told what. We're like constantly vying for your attention. Yilian would be like "Why she never tell me anything one ah?"
Then at times I would also say the same thing. HAHA. This proves something. TALK TO US MORE OFTEN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!! :)
I'll always be there for you, Ng Tingwei, and I'll curse anybody who dare to bully you cause you're my beloved friend and I never wanna let you go. :)
P.S. everything that I said last time in your birthday card, I hope you still remember. I mean everything. :)
Okay, let's move on to the person which I've known the longest and spoken to the least these days...
Shimin ah Shimin ah Shimin ah. LOl. Since I know you can't use the computer, you most likely will not see this post so I can badmouth you as much as I want. Muahaha. Okay la okay la. Just kidding. :P
Oh well. What can I say? I've known you the longest and you've known me the longest with the exception of Elsie and Winnie. You already understand me from the top to the bottom like how I understand you from the top to the bottom.
We both have clashing personalities, and yet we have remained as friends. I can't even remember when was the first time I met you man. But you know, you are indeed a valuable friend, though you feel like my mum sometimes. :X
Haha. Man. I don't know what to say to you cause everything that I've said to you, you already know. You understand when I'm angry, you've seen my tears... You ahh.. WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY SAY TO YOU EXCEPT THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST WONDERFUL FRIEND I'VE MADE AND THAT IF WE STARTED SAYING MUSHY THINGS TO EACH OTHER THE WORLD WILL COLLAPSE AND I WILL PUKE AND YOU WILL HYPERVENTILATE AND PIGS WILL FLY.
Still, even if the world will collapse for this moment, I shall say this.
I love you.
There, I've said it. *goosebumps*
Done. Tada. Please don't ask me to repeat again. Haha.
I no need to say, but I think you already know.
Thanks for everything. Sheryl and stuff.
Thanks, even when you couldn't really remember my birthday. Still, you spend that day with me, although it was studying.. =.= (Did I mention how much I hate Os?)
So I guess, THANKS A LOT FOR EVERYTHING. :D
Now, let's stop the mushiness and end with something cool like 'till we meet again." MUAHAHA.
ENDDDDDD.
Nah, just kidding.. :)
To Sheryl, if you're reading this blogpost, then message me. I do not want what I said to you to be published. x)
To Elsie, you are NOT FORGOTTEN!! I just don't really know what to say to you except for I think you're an amazing friend over and over again. Don't give up. Don't doubt my heart. And if you ever need me, call me, and I'll be there. :)
So this marks my farewell post. Whatever will come, will come, but as long as I have you guys, I'll be fine.
Okay, reading through my diary now in hope of finding something to write here but there's nothing touching, nothing worth of writing here. Damn. =.= why am I so unsentimental?
*Most of the posts are complaining about Sheryl. I really can't believe this.
I decided to write this entry down since I find it highly amusing.
But since it's very longwinded, I'm lazy to type it down. My friends, please, if we ever meet again, I will show you this entry.
I was when I realised my feelings for a certain guy and I panicked. Now that I read it, it's so amusing I can't stop laughing. OMG. It's FUCKING hilarious.
Man. I missed those times though. :(
So this is it. Farewell.
I shall end with a Bible verse.
"If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent, not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted upon him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you therefore to reaffirm your love for him."
2Corinthians 2 5-8
Muahaha. But you know, thinking about the release of results is driving me mad. Literally. And.. It's not the results that scare me the most. Yes, granted, I am worried about my results, but what really scares me the most is that all this *gestures hands at all my friends* are going to end.
What if we lose contact?
What if we become strangers?
What if we don't even talk to each other anymore?
I may be delusional last night when I kept telling Yilian I love you but that didn't mean I did not mean any word of it. I guess what Winnie said was right.
"I don't like to get too attached cause you'll miss them when all of it ends."
Of course, with beginnings, there are endings. And with endings, new beginnings. Sighs. I can't expect it to last forever. That will be delusional of me indeed. All I am going to say is this.
I will miss my friends, every single one of you.
Firstly, to Michelle.
I'm so sorry for giving you one word replies that day but you know.. HARRY POTTER FANFICTION WAS JUST TOO HARD TO RESIST.
But you know, though I'll admit that the incident with Sheryl deeply hurt both of us, I'm really glad that you're my friend. I remember those times in band when I would complain endlessly while you would just take it all in.
We would both talk to each other about the various problems in the section and we would suggest ideas to fix it. You know, I think I couldn't have made it alive without your help. Even though my section members are a lovable sort, they can be a handful at times.
I used to trust everything that you said and I'm really upset that I can't anymore. Sincerely. I miss the old times we used to had. I miss talking to you on the phone for hours, droning about two particular idiots, one of which who still has my heart.
Out of all my friends, though I've not known you for the longest, I feel that even up till now, you would bring my attention to things or feelings that I unconsciously would try to evade. You made me face them. You know, if you were ever any one of the Harry Potter houses, if you ever had a chance of putting on the Sorting Hat, beyond any doubt, you would have a Griffindor. A true and brave courageous soul.
I regret not spending more time with you. I regret all the past things that we have done, but as the wise men always say, there's no point in regreting the past, for the past we cannot change but the future we can.
Just know this Michelle, I strive to be close to you once more and no matter what our future paths may take, you'll always be a friend to me. One of my closest friends. :)
Alright, next person,
Low Yi lian.
Sighs. I think I'll miss you. You must keep replying to my messages okay? I'll sue you if you don't. :(
Well well well, what can I say man? Seriously. You are everything that I can't sum up in words. an excellent friend? A great shoulder to cry on? A quiet listener? A wise women of words?
I'll never forget the day when we talked on the phone. Yes, I know that I always tell you that I didn't really feel very close from the conversation and blah blah blah.. But it's fake okay? I did feel very close to you. I spoke of things that up till now I haven't even spoke to anyone. Okay, not true. Everybody knows it I think. Shit! I never told Tingwei. Tingwei ah, if you see this, don't kill me okay? I'll tell you when I see you. :( :(
And back to the main point. I can clearly remember that night. It was late, most of my friends are asleep and yet, I needed a listening ear. I would be lying if I said you were the top of my choices. No it was not. You were not, but now you are.
I remember my hands were shaking as I dialled your number. Hell, my palms were cold with sweat. I was nervous, especially more so when I typed in the clique blog previously when I said that I didn't want to talk to you. Yes, I regret typing that now. It was all jealousy speaking I swear.
And then I heard your voice. You were as surprised as me. Hah. And our extremely awkward conversation began. I cannot remember what we first talked about, but I remember when we started sharing about our lives.
Something in me broke, and I told you things I would never dream of telling others besides Shimin. I never dreamt that I could get so close to you and whenever I look at you, I am reminded of that fact. I will look at you and think to myself: Thank God for that phone call, thank God for you.
You are one of the most amazing people in my life. You listen, always without condemning. You offer your advice so freely, and speak words that truly reveals your wisdom. And yet, you never fail to be modest.
It didn't matter to you that I freely admitted that half of my life in secondary school, I was jealous of you. It didn't matter to you that past hatred and prejudices prevented me from being your friend. No, it didn't matter to you.
You have a forgiving heart and to you past mistakes don't matter. For that, I'm sincerely thankful. I couldn't have managed it without you by my side during my grandmother's death. It was like I was drowning and you and my many other friends were plank of woods aiding my survival. You pulled me up, rescued me even. So for that, I sincerely thank you.
Thank you for everything that you have done. No matter if our paths diverge in the future, no matter if your results are not up to your expectations, just know this. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, if you ever need a friend, call me, and I'll be there.
You are precious to my heart, never ever forget that.
Now next, Ng Ting Wei...
Ahh. You are seriously the miracle I never expected to happen. I never expect to become close with you. Never expect you will be a close friend to be. Never man.
And yet, you were. You still are. My friend, don't get mad with me if I haven't told you anything yet okay? Time is short and is of essence, whatever I didn't say was not out of will, but due to the various limitations. Besides, you are the one who is the most updated about me right now. Hah!
Seeing your messages, they never fail to amuse me. Indeed, you are a remarkable woman, managing to wake me up in my sleep just to on the computer to talk to you. Tingwei ah. You just accomplished one of the most impossible tasks on the Earth. LOL.
Sighs. I really don't know what to say to you you know? If I were to describe you, you're like the walking sunshine. Among our clique, I guess nobody would think that you are the atmosphere maker but in my opinion, you are.
However, you are not as innocent as you appear. LOL. Shimin's and my influence have corrupted you so. x) Still, the way you talk, and the way you think, you are as pure as ever.
Thank you. Thank you for listening to my endless complains without saying anything. (except for the scoldings which I greatly appreciate.)
And lastly, thank you for the wonderful timing you have. I can't believe I'm messaging you as I talk. Hah. Still, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
I remember me and Yilian will always compare about who you have told what. We're like constantly vying for your attention. Yilian would be like "Why she never tell me anything one ah?"
Then at times I would also say the same thing. HAHA. This proves something. TALK TO US MORE OFTEN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!! :)
I'll always be there for you, Ng Tingwei, and I'll curse anybody who dare to bully you cause you're my beloved friend and I never wanna let you go. :)
P.S. everything that I said last time in your birthday card, I hope you still remember. I mean everything. :)
Okay, let's move on to the person which I've known the longest and spoken to the least these days...
Shimin ah Shimin ah Shimin ah. LOl. Since I know you can't use the computer, you most likely will not see this post so I can badmouth you as much as I want. Muahaha. Okay la okay la. Just kidding. :P
Oh well. What can I say? I've known you the longest and you've known me the longest with the exception of Elsie and Winnie. You already understand me from the top to the bottom like how I understand you from the top to the bottom.
We both have clashing personalities, and yet we have remained as friends. I can't even remember when was the first time I met you man. But you know, you are indeed a valuable friend, though you feel like my mum sometimes. :X
Haha. Man. I don't know what to say to you cause everything that I've said to you, you already know. You understand when I'm angry, you've seen my tears... You ahh.. WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY SAY TO YOU EXCEPT THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST WONDERFUL FRIEND I'VE MADE AND THAT IF WE STARTED SAYING MUSHY THINGS TO EACH OTHER THE WORLD WILL COLLAPSE AND I WILL PUKE AND YOU WILL HYPERVENTILATE AND PIGS WILL FLY.
Still, even if the world will collapse for this moment, I shall say this.
I love you.
There, I've said it. *goosebumps*
Done. Tada. Please don't ask me to repeat again. Haha.
I no need to say, but I think you already know.
Thanks for everything. Sheryl and stuff.
Thanks, even when you couldn't really remember my birthday. Still, you spend that day with me, although it was studying.. =.= (Did I mention how much I hate Os?)
So I guess, THANKS A LOT FOR EVERYTHING. :D
Now, let's stop the mushiness and end with something cool like 'till we meet again." MUAHAHA.
ENDDDDDD.
Nah, just kidding.. :)
To Sheryl, if you're reading this blogpost, then message me. I do not want what I said to you to be published. x)
To Elsie, you are NOT FORGOTTEN!! I just don't really know what to say to you except for I think you're an amazing friend over and over again. Don't give up. Don't doubt my heart. And if you ever need me, call me, and I'll be there. :)
So this marks my farewell post. Whatever will come, will come, but as long as I have you guys, I'll be fine.
Okay, reading through my diary now in hope of finding something to write here but there's nothing touching, nothing worth of writing here. Damn. =.= why am I so unsentimental?
*Most of the posts are complaining about Sheryl. I really can't believe this.
I decided to write this entry down since I find it highly amusing.
But since it's very longwinded, I'm lazy to type it down. My friends, please, if we ever meet again, I will show you this entry.
I was when I realised my feelings for a certain guy and I panicked. Now that I read it, it's so amusing I can't stop laughing. OMG. It's FUCKING hilarious.
Man. I missed those times though. :(
So this is it. Farewell.
I shall end with a Bible verse.
"If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent, not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted upon him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you therefore to reaffirm your love for him."
2Corinthians 2 5-8
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Hey guys. It's been ages since I last blogged. Muahaha. Firstly, HAPPY NEW YEAR! :) Hehe. Now, before I continue my blogpost, let me indulge in my love for DBSK. Be prepared for it. Here it comes!
Guess who is it?
Come on..
It's not that hard...
The answer shall be revealed in 5 seconds..
5..
4..
3..
2..
1..
YES. IT IS SHIM CHANGMIN! Omg, he's super cute when he's young. *coos and faints into a puddle*
AHHH~ I wanna cuddle him!! :):) Okay, not that he's a teddy bear, but he's seriously damn cute. xD
Okay, enough of DBSK craziness. Well, I would say there's nothing to update about my life so I guess this blog entry will end soon? LOL. Sorry? :P
Okay. To be honest, I'm kinda irritated that nobody's reading the fic. Yes, I'm sorta pissed since it was due to everybody's encouragement that I started writing it. No worries though. I'm gonna stop soon. IT'S TIME FOR NORMAL COUPLES! Muahahaha. Besides, I'm sick of those two shits' existence. I'm tired of them. Blegh.
So now, I shall ask again, any ideas? I think that I should just stick to anime characters though. It's safer that way. Hmm. And I already have a fanfic account. Definitely worth a try. OH yeah. I'm happy that Yilian has made up her mind. Congrats. Now you know your true feelings towards band. :)
As for the rest, don't panic, the time will come soon. (This is reaching out to Michelle) Alright, I truly don't have anything else to say, so let's end this with a short fic.
"Shut up!" she shrieked, pushing his hands off her, "I don't want to hear from you ever again."
He remained silent. It was hopeless. She would not accept his love, and for that, she had to die. She was far too gone. Clutching the dagger in his hand, he brought it down onto her in one swift motion, eyes filled with determination.
Blood spurted from the wound and she dropped soundlessly on the floor, her face a mask of shock and her mouth opened in a silent scream. The man smiled to himself as he gently caressed the cold skin. It was his now. All of her was his. Taking a deep breath, he let loose the tension in him and laughed with all his might, allowing his laughter to boom within the four walls.
A rather dark fic right? Well, let's just say that these days, my mood is more inclined to killing people. Haha. I'm still not satisfied with my lack of inspiration though. I really hoped to write a fanfic based on anime. Damn.
Oh, and my O level fantasy list is not even complete. Haha. So much for planning. *scowls* Oh well, there's nothing that I can do right now since the holidays are ending. *scowls even more*
So I guess this ends this blogpost? Personally, I don't feel like typing anymore and now I'm just crapping to make this blogpost look longer than it is. A rather ingenious idea don't you think? HAHA.
Alright, ending this post with a picture of me cause I'm a narcissistic bitch.
Muahaha. Ciao! :D
Sunday, January 1, 2012
trip with tingwei part 2
Now, I don't get why Shimin and Yilian are jealous. Okay, granted, I don't take much photos with you guys. But come on man. I RARELY GET TIME TO SPEND WITH TINGWEI ALONE AND WHENEVER WE DO, SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS!!! :(
But you know, I think some alone time with friends is good, not that going out in a clique is not good. You see, talking to different friends gives me different feelings. With Shimin, it's more of asking advices and cursing people. With Yilian, it's more of realising my feelings. With Tingwei, it's more of venting my emotions.
Bottom line is, no matter who I talk to, I still feel happy in the end. Don't worry la, I WILL take photos with you guys. It's a promise, so Yilian, FASTER COME BACK FROM MALAYSIA.
But it's so weird though. Last time, Yilian used to be always there. Whenever I encounter any problems, I know I can just message her and she'll immediately reply. Now, she's in Malaysia, and I can't even talk to her, or communicate with her. YILIAN AHH!! :(
Shimin is like... I don't even know why we never get to talk to each other, lol. We live so near la!! Anyway, just to inform you guys, my last day of work is tomorrow! I'll be free the entire of next week so please please please, let's go out again! I still haven't gone to my beach. :(
I wanna find a day and go out with Shimin or Yilian alone though. I wanna spend some alone time.. MUAHAHAHA! And no, I'm not neglecting Michelle. I will go out with her, but since it's been so long since I've last seen Shimin and Yilian, the priority goes to them!
Oh yeah, Elsie, if you're reading this, when can we go out again?? I can't wait. Don't be an emo at home okay? COME OUT AND PLAY!! Oh well, I just remembered you got work. :( Work free liao tell me okay? I wanna go out cycling with you and Winnie. :)
So now, on to the main objective, PHOTOTAKING WITH TINGWEI!!
After leaving Orchard, we went to NEX shopping mall then opposite AMK library the park to take photos. I'm kinda lazy to upload the photos here since they're already on facebook but here's some of them.
Me in the playground which I'm severly overage btw.
Me and Tingwei in front of the bushes which had A LOT of bumblebees. Tingwei was so freaked out, muahahahaha! :P
The lily flower in amk park.
Tingwei and the flower.
Me and the lion.
Tingwei and the lion.
Me and Tingwei camwhoring in mac even though we didn't buy anything.
SHOCKED.
Tingwei pulling my cheek. I'M ANGRY!
sour. aah.
The memories Tingwei and me had together.
Overall, it was an enjoyable day despite the beginning. SO YEAH. YAY MAN!
I LOVE YOU TINGWEI!!
:)
and the many others, of course...
But you know, I think some alone time with friends is good, not that going out in a clique is not good. You see, talking to different friends gives me different feelings. With Shimin, it's more of asking advices and cursing people. With Yilian, it's more of realising my feelings. With Tingwei, it's more of venting my emotions.
Bottom line is, no matter who I talk to, I still feel happy in the end. Don't worry la, I WILL take photos with you guys. It's a promise, so Yilian, FASTER COME BACK FROM MALAYSIA.
But it's so weird though. Last time, Yilian used to be always there. Whenever I encounter any problems, I know I can just message her and she'll immediately reply. Now, she's in Malaysia, and I can't even talk to her, or communicate with her. YILIAN AHH!! :(
Shimin is like... I don't even know why we never get to talk to each other, lol. We live so near la!! Anyway, just to inform you guys, my last day of work is tomorrow! I'll be free the entire of next week so please please please, let's go out again! I still haven't gone to my beach. :(
I wanna find a day and go out with Shimin or Yilian alone though. I wanna spend some alone time.. MUAHAHAHA! And no, I'm not neglecting Michelle. I will go out with her, but since it's been so long since I've last seen Shimin and Yilian, the priority goes to them!
Oh yeah, Elsie, if you're reading this, when can we go out again?? I can't wait. Don't be an emo at home okay? COME OUT AND PLAY!! Oh well, I just remembered you got work. :( Work free liao tell me okay? I wanna go out cycling with you and Winnie. :)
So now, on to the main objective, PHOTOTAKING WITH TINGWEI!!
After leaving Orchard, we went to NEX shopping mall then opposite AMK library the park to take photos. I'm kinda lazy to upload the photos here since they're already on facebook but here's some of them.
Me in the playground which I'm severly overage btw.
Me and Tingwei in front of the bushes which had A LOT of bumblebees. Tingwei was so freaked out, muahahahaha! :P
The lily flower in amk park.
Tingwei and the flower.
Me and the lion.
Tingwei and the lion.
Me and Tingwei camwhoring in mac even though we didn't buy anything.
SHOCKED.
Tingwei pulling my cheek. I'M ANGRY!
sour. aah.
The memories Tingwei and me had together.
Overall, it was an enjoyable day despite the beginning. SO YEAH. YAY MAN!
I LOVE YOU TINGWEI!!
:)
and the many others, of course...
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