I'm probably the only idiot who's updating my blog. SO SAD. :'( WHY NOBODY UPDATE THEIR BLOG TOO?! BOOHOOOO!! (Ain't it obvious, Amelia, nobody has as much free time as you do!)
Seriously, I can't stand to see my blog not updated. and yet there's a restriction to the things I can post here as some of the thoughts that I have in me are so offending to my friends. Sighs. I wish I was still the transparent old me. On the up side, aren't you guys interested in what my hamsters look like now?
Note: Since Shimin has been posting photos of her hamster on whatsapp, I decided to take it a step further and post it on my blog. YUPPIES~ So here goes nothing~
Some of the pictures are smaller than the others, don't ask me why. HAHA. Blame it on my family's camera. Btw, all photos are taken by my mother who said that the hamsters were "CUTE" and so she couldn't resist taking photos of them. :D As for the terrible condition of their bedding, be rest assured, I've washed their cage yesterday already so now they're two happy hamsters living in their TOTALLY GAY cage. :) Teehee~
Note: The grey one is named Cutie, (but I call it Fattie) and the white one is called Snowy. (but I call it 白的） HAHA. So that's it for today. ^^ Gotta sleep le~ NIGHTS!
I think I have moodswings. HAHA. Was supposed to meet Tingwei today but since she said she was tired and our timings clash, we didn't in the end. At that moment when I found out that Tingwei was not going to meet with me, I met Michelle.
Why does it always seems like when the whole world doesn't understands me and abandons me you'll always appear? It's like sometimes I feel like I'm always chasing the wrong person. It feels like I'm neglecting the person chasing behind me. Sighs. I'm having an emoshinki day today. :(
I don't mean to offend my friends but seriously, out of all my friends now, currently, the ones who understands me best and cares to ask after me is Michelle. Oh! Nelli does too, but hers is always the wrong timing, heh. :P (She always asks when I'm not sad, lol!)
This is so gonna turn into a grateful post to Michelle at this rate, muahahaha. ^^ But really, now that I think about it, she's really always there when I feel sad, tired, emotional.. Yes. She forces me to talk about my feelings, and is the only one currently that I share most of my feelings to.
I have many friends, but they're always not there for me when I need them, lol. Michelle's always there though, perhaps that's why I appreciate her so much. Remember what I say about every friendship's giving in and giving out is different, Elsie? Well, in Michelle's and mine, she's always the one giving more. I was too busy obsessing over others that I seemed to forget that. :(
Maybe it's time I changed and stop thinking and whining about those friends I've lost, or those friends that don't even care. I'm like both mentally and physically exhausted already. This is a truly an emoshinki day man.
Who even bother reading this blog in the first place anyway? Sometimes I think I'm the only one reading my blog.. Sighs. JUST GET BACK TOGETHER AS FIVE AGAIN AND STOP CAUSING ME NEEDLESS DEPRESSION. :'(
Yoochun oppa ah, you cried cause you were touched by what you guys as five accomplished right? You and Junsu oppa and YUNHO OPPA!! :( :( :( GOD. :'( I feel like giving you all hugs to stop you from crying man! (They are an exception to my "NO HUG" rule. ^^) Stop crying ne? Don't cry in the future, in the present or in the past. I LOVE YOU GUYS! :D
Always Keep The Faith. ♥
P.S. In the end, the only ones who didn't cry are Jaejoong and Changmin, LOL. HEARTLESS PEOPLE! XD -kidding-
My face after I read Elsie's blogpost. I was totally screaming in my heart and in my brain and in whatever organ I still possess. Okay, Elsie, I'm GONNA DISSECT YOUR BLOGPOST OKAY. My viewpoint V.S. yours. (All italics are from Elsie's blogpost)
We got into the
same class for the next two years. Even better. I had a bad feeling
(probably growing up and you realise things more) but I ignored it.
We're in the same class. What can happen? We're still together, with
each other, drawing and drawing. Even sitting next to each other. But
things happen, stuff happen, everything does, and I had no idea what to
do. It was someone I believed we'll be together always, someone I
thought I know a lot about, someone I can talk anything with. And one
day she can just be gone.
What do I do?
Who do I have left? Nobody. Amelia, it's a nice motto, it really is,
it's almost honourably admirable that now you still fully believe in it
(not that I'm trying to make you stop believing in it ><) But it
makes you almost entirely vulnerable to your friends themselves. Don't
you think so? Ok you got more than one, I think, while I had only one,
but anyway it's just really vulnerable lah.
That's why I
request them to give back at least something. Just something. Something
that will benefit you, something that will help you. If not, all the
shit you've sacrificed for them are for free, aren't they? And if shit
like the relationship ending happened, then at least you've benefited.
You've gotten something. You didn't give off your life for nothing.
ARE ALL RELATIONSHIPS ABOUT GETTING SOMETHING BACK? AREN'T WE JUST FRIENDS JUST BECAUSE WE WANT TO BE FRIENDS? AREN'T WE TOGETHER BECAUSE WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER? AREN'T WE?
If that's the case, do you mean that you expect something from this friendship that you and I have too? That you're unwilling to give anything back if I don't. You're skeptical, I accept that, but what you're saying in your entry is honestly hurting my feelings.
Do you feel vulnerable when you tell me your secrets? Do you? If that's the case, don't share anything! I won't force you. I know you're doubtful of me and only think that what I'm saying is just words.. Perhaps that's what hurts the most huh? The fact that I've truly given my heart and soul into this friendship and to be told that you don't even trust me.
Do you think I feel vulnerable when I tell you my secrets? NO, I don't. I really don't. :/
When I fall, I
fall hard. I'll give you anything and everything if we clicked. What
have I gained? Well, actually I've learned a lot, like drawing, yaoi
(though this is not not not good LOLS), comics, things, whatever. But at
the end it seemed like I lost everything. Because all I just want is
someone with me everyday, my priority. And I can give up anything for
that priority. Because you're my priority. My friend. There's something
called honour, friendship, and those values that humans don't even have
now.
Or maybe it's
because I didn't want everything I've received, and wanted what it's
hard to get. Quality time. For me, it's that. That and you can talk with
me about anything lah, of course. Talking about any shit without
judging me. That's all. I don't even request the person to be popular,
to be pretty, and you know what? I've never found one anymore. For 3
years and counting I'm a fucking nomad walking around like some floating
ghost with a fucked up face.
And that is what I got from following that motto blindly.
Maybe I sound
like some asshole here who's really cynical, but well that's my
experience. In JC it's almost the same thing happening again anyway (The
girl I told you about? Yeah?? DON'T MENTION NAMES PLEASE TAT) Yeah. So
obviously I got to stop doing everything for her, because she isn't
doing everything for me. It's not as if she knows I'm doing everything
for her anyway. Maybe she does, but she isn't giving back anything. And
if she doesn't want to give back, or she simply chose to stop giving
back, I might as well stop. I got no time to give everything to someone
who doesn't know / cherish / want it. No time, no emotion. If I went on
I'll probably get all whiny and upset and fail all my promos.
Maybe I'll
sound like some asshole maniac here, but it's not like I didn't have BFF
proclaiming to be my BFF forever and ever. I had. I probably had three.
Three really good ones. And in the end, those words are just words
aren't they? Maybe they forgot about it. Maybe they're still trying to
fulfill it. I don't know. I really don't. For now all it seems are just
empty words said to cheer me up. Maybe they really really meant it, but I
don't see it now. I don't see it. I don't see them here for me.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR ASSHOLE FRIENDS. I'VE NEVER SAID IT BEFORE BUT I WAS HOPING THAT YOU KNOW THAT I'LL NEVER TURN OUT LIKE THEM. I REALLY WON'T..
You know as the entry goes on, Elsie, I just feel more and more sad. You know what you're doing to me? It's as though you're taking my heart and throwing it to the floor, breaking it into pieces. I've known you're skeptical, but I've hoped that I would have been the only exception to your "No Trust" rule. :(
(LOL maybe this
will piss you off) So how do I take all of your words truthfully? Maybe
I'm too wooden, but yeah. I've got people telling me touching things
and I believed them with all my might, and turns out after time passed
by those words crumbled away to mean nothing anymore.
I don't want to
foolishly clutch onto a bunch of words only to find out years later
that they're all pointless. Anyway I've grown into an annoyingly whiny
and depressing person anyway. I've almost grown to believe that no one
wants to be with someone like that anyway. And then I'll pathetically
try to do something to catch people's attention. I got no more energy to
try and believe in everyone I meet only to get all desperate and
suicidal when they all leave. And in life, loads of people leave.
Don't get me
wrong, your post almost made me teared up when I read that last part.
Well, pretty mushy, but really wonderful. I probably want you to know
that when I was wailing over the (girl in JC) I actually believed that
the very last and only person left who I can now ever trust is you,
Amelia. Because you're so truthful, you don't follow others much, you do
your own stuff, and believe in what you believe. And you listen to my
crap. You don't plot, you don't really manipulate, you're truthful and
perfect for me.
Then somehow my
brain reminded me, if all those before that can say those things that I
believe in and then let those words go out in a puff of smoke, what if I
did the exact same thing, and nothing happened, and there's really
absolutely no one I can turn to anymore. And when that happens, I don't
know what I'll do. Maybe weep and weep in misery about how sad my life
is. Probably think stupidly again. It's just, it's like my last final
level where I'm somewhat putting my entire life on it now. And obviously
I don't want to destroy myself.
I'd love to
believe it. I'd love to. Maybe I won't, and you can show me everything.
You're really amazing like that. Maybe even our relationship might just
come to en end years later, because everything comes to an end, I don't
know. I don't know what to do anymore. And if this post totally killed
your feelings for me in that post of yours, well, I dunno what to say.
This is crude, evilly truthful, but more or less this was the point I
was sorta trying to make when I asked you that question. And my life
isn't worth sacrificing to others for them and then losing everything I
ever had.
I'm really really touched by your post though. Maybe you'll be the one to change my life? Maybe
LISTEN CAREFULLY OKAY ELSIE TAY, EVEN IF I'M CURRENTLY HURT BY HOW MUCH YOU'VE SHOWN YOUR TRUST IN ME, I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE. FINE. YOU'RE SKEPTICAL THAT YOU CANNOT TRUST MY WORDS RIGHT?
FINE! I'll grant you that. ELSIE TAY YA XIN! PREPARE TO TAKE BACK YOUR WORDS TEN YEARS LATER. You don't trust me? NEVERMIND. I will PROVE it to you. What I've said, I meant it. The only time I will give up on a friend is only when the friend is better off without me!!!
-releases a deep breath-
Honestly, now that I think about your post, I'm not really mad anymore. I can understand your reasons for doing what you do and typing what you type. You cannot trust anybody anymore is it? Don't worry, I'll give you EVERY SINGLE reason to trust me. ^^
You feel vulnerable opening up your secrets to me? THEN DON'T. I really don't give a hoot. I've said before, I will do ANYTHING for my friends short of murdering, killing and raping. Maybe you're right. Maybe this belief of mine is foolish, but know this Elsie, I WILL NEVER CHANGE IT.
I have a lot of flaws, but thankfully I know how to treat my friends well. You ARE my friend and FOREVER will be. If you're afraid then don't force yourself! I'll wait~ ^^ Haven't I always been waiting?
And my life
isn't worth sacrificing to others for them and then losing everything I
ever had.
YOU'RE DEAD WRONG ELSIE TAY! Your life was worth me opening the damn card about twenty times kay? You ARE IMPORTANT to me and if takes you forever to realise that, then I'll gladly wait.
Am I going to be the one that will change your life? HAHAHA.
-laughs-
Elsie ah, haven't your life changed ever since you've met me? I really don't believe giving all my heart to someone is vulnerable or opening myself to more attacks. I believe that true friendship exists somewhere in every person. Elsie, you've been through lots of setbacks that's why you're wary of trusting humans, but I beg you, this once, let me in?
I can't promise you wonders, perhaps our friendship might really come to an end. However Elsie, I would at least like to try my best before giving up on friendship altogether. You and I, we did not meet by accident. WE ARE FRIENDS AND WE WILL FOREVER BE UNTIL YOU CHOOSE NOT TO BE ANYMORE.
Besides Elsie, do you really think that no one wants to be your friend? Do you truly think so? Cause if you're saying that that means I'm not human aren't I? :D
I meant it when I said that this song reminds me of you. Different song reminds me of different people and for this song, it reminds me of the strong friendship we used to have. Elsie, I love you, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you trust me once more.
Anyway, do you really think that if it was all just words to me? Cause if it was, why do I still keep the card that you've given me in Primary 6? Hah! Elsie, my friends say I don't have enough faith in myself, but you seemed to be worse off than me huh?
It's okay though, together you and me, let's set on a journey to search for the truth of friendship together!
I WILL PROVE TO YOU! PREPARE TO EXPERIENCE YOUR BEST FRIENDSHIP EVER! :D
Today was just such an AWESOME DAY man. :) Really had lots and lots of fun. Now, you may ask, so what did you guys do? What is it that is so fun? Well, we didn't do much, but that speaks volumes on its own, doesn't it?
We didn't do much and yet we had an awesome time. This is what only true friends can accomplish together. JUST HAVING FUN BY CRAPPING THE LIFE OUT OF ONE ANOTHER! WAHAHAHA~ Seriously. I really LOVE hanging out with her, muahahaha. (Don't tell her I said that though. :P)
I'm happy with my poly friends Carity and Nelli, I'm satisfied with my sec school friends Tingwei, Michelle, Yilian, Shimin and Sheryl but sometimes. I really think that nothing beats having an awesome day out with my primary school friends, ESP ELSIE! ^^
Now, I didn't mean anything by the previous statement okay? You guys are all my AWESOME friends. ^^ You guys just bring out different sides in me. :) Anyway, I was chatting with Elsie today in AMK library on friendship and she brought up something that had me pondering.
"If you just keep giving in and giving in and the person doesn't give back at all, won't you just feel like giving up?"
Her question started a train of thoughts in my mind and without thinking, I spouted the first few words in my mind.
"No! She is my friend! Every friendship is unbalanced and unequal. There is no such thing as fair friendship cause life's unfair in the first place. Besides, I give a lot more than my friends is not because I want to make them feel guilty or anything. It is because they are my friends. I will do anything for them short of killing, murdering and raping."
"But what if they don't give back at all? I mean for your friends, at least they gave back a little bit right?"
"Then they are not your friends in the first place."
I'm pretty heartless huh? However, my definition of friendship is really like that. Friends will never betray one another. Friends will never abandon one another. Friends will never leave one another in the lurch. If they do, they are not even your friends! Maybe friendship has a different meaning to you, I don't know, but this is MY definition.
Besides, I do have awesome friends in my life. ^^ I'm really thankful for them every single day of my life. Elsie said I was mushy. I said that I rather say it now then regret never saying it, lol. Still, I will NEVER ever say it to your faces so you can release that breath that you're holding on now. :)
Today is overall a very satisfying day though. :) However, I really can't wait to go to Harry Potter Exhibition with Elsie and Winnie though. It's been SO SO LONG since I've last saw Winnie. Winnie, do you even miss me? :( Sighs. Now, don't go saying I'm mushy once more.
"Feelings are meant to be expressed and not only shown."
This is what I feel personally. If the other party doesn't even know what you're feeling, unnecessary misunderstandings will occur! I don't want to lose any other of my friends already. One is already enough eh? :) Demo ne, don't worry. :) WATASHI WA DAIJOUBU! I'm fine.
(SHOO ELSIE. DON'T CORRECT MY HORRIBLE JAP!)
HAHA! :D
Someday, I'll let you learn the meaning of true friendship ne? Not only through words but my actions as well. Rest assured my dear, I will show you MY definition of true friendship. ^^ Prepared to be mindblown, LOL!
It's been so long since I've last blogged huh? I keep telling myself that I've gotta update everyday but these days, I'm getting really lazy. Heh! :) But really la, I don't know why also, but these days I've been slacking. :X
I'VE REALLY GOTTA START STUDYING ALREADY YA KNOW!! :'( I'M ALREADY BEHIND SO MANY SUBJECTS. I think I can just go and die already, muahahaha. Now, this is going to be a short entry cause I've gotta sleep soon le. It's just that the more I think about the friends I have, God, sometimes I really wonder, why am I so blessed?
Pain, sometimes it never leaves you. Sometimes, it's just waiting for the right moment to surface, but you know what, it's because of the pain that you remember what it's like without the pain. To be honest with you guys, I'm not really sad about Chuanjie's rejection.
I already knew I had no chance with him from the start, so the impact was not really great. It's only after losing some of my precious friends that I've realised that hey, it actually hurts that much! :) But you know, I'm taking things positively here. Someday I believe, it'll be right again. ^^
True right? HAHA. I tweeted this while I was thinking of you, though I don't think you will even read this blog in the first place. Still, what Nelli said was right. If it were her, she would have given up on me a long time ago. That's why, I thank you for staying till the very end. :)
Friends are wonderful. Friendship is precious. Love is too. :D Family are the most important. Family and friends are gonna rank first in my life man. OH YEAH~
So yes, that's about it. OH WAIT. I forgot to tell you guys I''m working back MOF. Instead of giving myself time to overthink and think about depressing stuff, why not use the time more effectively for work? So yes, I'm working!!! ^^ (though I'm more of flyer girl these days)
That's about it. Everybody, let's all work hard together for our studies and dreams!! :D GAMPATEH!!
I think I'm a very very slow Cassiopeian. HAHA. :) I totally don't know any news about their lawsuit at all. HAHA. I don't even know why they suddenly started talking about it. *ashamed* Thank God for this.
Alright. So now, because of this, I don't even know if I should be anticipating or dreading 19 July. :/ I really want them to comeback as five, but whatever that makes them happy I guess. ^^
I'm gonna end my entry here cause though I'm not knackered out yet, I wanna do some other stuff like FANGIRLING!!! ROFL. :D Teehee. Goodbye.
I've been blogging about useless stuff these days huh? HAHA. Okay, DBSK is not useless stuff. I just meant like I've been blogging about stuff that are pretty mundane. I bet ya all my friends are pretty bored by reading my posts. LOL. Okay, I shall try better next time, kay? :) *winks*
I realised that different people have different writing styles, and no matter how you change your way of writing, you will still have that unique style that will determine your identity as an author. I wasn't really taking note of it at first, until I realised that my style over the years have not changed, though my writing has significantly deproved.
I'm determined to continue writing though, be it crackfics, fanfics, or even my DBSK fics. I think it's high time that I finally start to do things that I like instead of wasting my life away. Seriously. Without writing, I feel like my life's pretty empty. WRITING IS ONE OF MY ONLY OUTLETS FOR ME TO VENT MY EMOTIONS, IF I CAN'T WRITE, I HAVE NOTHING!!
School life's pretty stressed out these days. I have no idea why though. All along, school has always been quite rushed with tests crammed in here and there and I never grumbled before, but now I seemed to be so sick of it I feel like just burning all of my lecture notes away and declare myself a graduate! :( Geez. Why must studying be so difficult?
Alright, back to the topic of writing. I didn't know writing could be therapeutic until I read what one of my favourite authors commented when she talked about her story Damaged.
"...and I would describe it as my very long therapy session. I
had lots of issues/anger after the lawsuit and writing this cured me.
It is not an easy read. It's over 200,000 words and has lots of angst.
Many chapters have not been checked by a beta....and I have severe
comma and grammar issues."
It was then and there that I realised that writing about DBSK might help burn off some of the burning anger inside me. I mean seriously, SM requested to delay the bloody lawsuit again. What? Is it because they can't find evidence to support their claims that's why they're dragging the lawsuit? Sometimes I really wonder what are they trying to achieve by delaying the inevitable. Are they using it to gain publicity? Or are they simply trying to not return JYJ money? -.- Whatever it is, it sure is pissing me off.
That's it man, I'm gonna continue writing YunJae fics and try writing DBSK fics from now on. Yes, they are not together as five in reality, but at least in my dreamworld, they are. Surprisingly, that is enough for me now at this point. I am quite easily contented. :D
Wait a minute! I don't know how I linked this post to DBSK once more. LOL. It's not supposed to be about them. It's supposed to be about my sudden desire to continue writing again. Aish. DBSK is really ruling my life, haha. I can't even do a blog entry without them. :(
Okay okay, don't worry friends, I shall not bore you about DBSK already. HAHA. However, I do have to ask this question that I asked a long time ago already: Should I continue writing the twodoublews fanfiction?
It's providing entertainment to me but I'm not sure if it's providing entertainment to you guys, haha. I mean after all, the only people who have expressed GREAT desire for me to continue it are Shimin and maybe Michelle.. Hmm.. *hesitating*
I know what Tingwei wants though. Haha. Sorry ah Tingwei, but for now I can't write the love stories that you read on Wattpad. 老娘我需要经历过爱情才能写爱情故事。对不起咯! :3 Heehee. I promise you though, the moment I get jilted by my future boyfriend or by the time I even get one, I will DEFINITELY write one for you. Yasoku, ne? ;D (我对你约束, okay?)
WHEEPS. Now that I've decided to continue writing, I can't wait to get started, LOL. Unfortunately, there is this thing called school tomorrow so I do have to turn in early for bloody school's sake. :( -sobs- JUST WHEN I HAD THE MOOD TO WRITE!!! :'( :'( 老天，你怎么可以这样对我?!
Okay okay. I really gotta sleep le, haha. I can't believe this man. Everybody reading my blog will be like, omg, Temasek poly seems super slack, she seems to be very free since she's updating everyday.
Fact of life: NO!Polytechnics are not slackish in any way at all. The only reason why I get to update my blog everyday is because I cut down my sleeping time to blog entries for you guys. Appreciate it okay?
But seriously, you won't expect from my tone of this entry that I'm having a test tomorrow that I barely studied for right? Yeah, I totally get it. I'm just that great in ignoring school work and pretending I'm from another dimension. Escaping from reality is my trademark and I won't change it for anything else, cause... I'M JUST THAT AWESOME! :D MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Alright, enough of this senseless drabble. My entry ends here. Goodbye! ^^
"When our warm dreams were getting farther away; it was blackout darkness everywhere, and there was only one path going down that remained then and it felt like life had lost its basic worth. Right then, you held our hands tightly and you helped us find our smiles again. You helped us find strength to jump higher than anyone else." - JYJ, You're
I told myself that I won't blog today cause of unknown reasons I was sad today. But you know, I was happily browsing through my twitter timeline when I saw a fan tweeted a youtube video: Do you know tohoshinki?
Being the natural aunty that I was, I was immediately intrigued by the title. I mean won't you find the title weird? Do you know tohoshinki? OF COURSE I KNOW LA. I'M THEIR BLOODY FAN LEH! WHY WILL I NOT KNOW? GEEZ. :( So I decided to click on the video instead.
BAD CHOICE!! OMG! BAD BAD CHOICE.. I literally bawled just watching the video. I CAN'T TAKE IT LA! THEY LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER.. :( :( :(
Sidenote: (for Nelli's sake since she's not really familiar with my idols)
International name: TVXQ
Korean name: Dong Bang Shin Ki (동방신기/DBSK)
Japan name: Tohoshinki (東方神起)
Japan fanclub: Bigeast
Korea fanclub: Cassiopeia
I really don't wanna care about all the trivial issues regarding JYJ's own fanclub name or TVXQ's own name. I can't even bear to call them TVXQ to be honest. I feel like TVXQ is meant for five members, not two.
However, if I don't call them by TVXQ I'll feel like I'm denying their present. One fan actually tweeted this once: "Don’t say that we are denying JYJ’s past as TVXQ. It’s you that deny JYJ’s present!"
I really think it's damn true. I had enough of fans bashing each other upside down, part of the reason why I didn't wanna get back into the Kpop scene also. But I really can't deny my love for Kpop. I LOVE THEM. THEY'RE MY LOVE. I'll only go back to Kpop because of them.
Alright, now the acclaimed video that got me into tears:
Today is such an AWESOME day man. Seriously. Today's my first lesson in cello and even though all I did was just trying to get used to using the bow, I already felt so damn good.
I used to think that I was just trying to use everything to replace band, that's why I didn't like karate. It's only now that I've realised, no, that's not true. All I wanted was a music related cca. That was what I was seeking for. I'VE REALISED THAT WHEN I PLAYED THE CELLO.
Okay, maybe not really playing per say, since all the notes sounded like I was killing chicken. It was more like I just had the realisation. I felt like the flame of passion was ignited in me as I drew the bow. Seriously. I THINK I CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH THE CELLO. ^^
I'm gonna practise everyday from now on man. Even though now my right hand's pretty filled with lactic acid, I will not give up. It's like this fire is coursing through my veins. IT'S BURNING ME ALIVE. GOODNESS GRACIOUS. I joined cello at first because I wanted to use it as a stepping stone to double bass. However, I think I'm falling in love with cello already.
It's not love at first sight for my tuba, but I think it's really love at first sound for cello! I really really love the sound of cello. The Erhu instructor was telling me that you can hear your emotions through the cello sound. I AGREE MAN! I could hear my hesitation and anxiety through the cello sound. WAHAHA. I truly suck sia. HAHA. :D NEVERMIND. THOU WILL IMPROVE! ^^
I'm so motivated right now, lol. I was walking home from CO just now and I just thought to myself how blessed I am. I AM TRULY BLESSED. I've already given up on music when I was young when my mum said I couldn't learn the piano. But look at me now! OMG. I have a keyboard and guitar at home, and I know how to play the tuba and am learning to play the cello. GOD DIDN'T FORGET MY DREAMS! I feel so insanely grateful right now.
Know what's best? My mum's pretty supportive of me fangirling over JYJ and TVXQ. Okay, maybe not really supportive per say, but she doesn't object when I spent large amounts of money on them. I LOVE HER NOW. *insane amounts of hugs*
I'm really happy and thrilled man. I really need to work hard to try and meet all the expectations of everybody around me. I've already failed Mr Tan. I cannot fail anyone else anymore. Be it tuba or be it cello, I will give both my heart. OMG. I just remembered something. MY MUM ALLOWED ME TO REAR HAMSTERS. *kisses her once again*
Yes. I'm truly blessed. My mum didn't allow pets at home at first, but because of me, SHE ALLOWED. I don't care if I have to be the one responsible to take care of them, it's expected. IT'S THE FACT THAT SHE ALLOWED!! OMG OMG! *starts tearing up again*
I'm really very very HAPPY okay? Super! ^^ I must work hard for my studies already. There's so much things to be happy for, how could I have neglected them and focused on those trivial stuff instead! I'M REALLY SUCH A FOOL!! *kills self*
I shall be more happy and optimistic from now on! :) I have wonderful friends and family. I'm working hard towards fulfilling my dream. I'M ON MY OWN PATH BECAUSE OF MY OWN CHOICES. WHO CAN ASK FOR MORE MAN!! WHO WHO WHO!!!
I don't care about being forever alone already. Who cares? Tsk tsk. I can just immerse myself in both DBSK music and my band and chinese orchestra music. With music, I can live. I can learn to be gentle, I can learn to control my strength, I CAN BE EVERYTHING!!!
-thunder roars-
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but you don't know how magical the first stroke of the cello is until you've tried it. IT'S THAT AMAZING!!! :))) The only problem now is just that I didn't tell my mum about it. Dang. I shall settle one problem at a time, HAHA. Good luck to me! :D
God, thank you for the wonderful people in my life. I'm really so so happy!!! :) :) :). Oh, and speaking of friends, Yilian ah, don't get riled up for your Chinese oral okay? I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT! JIAYOUS JIAYOUS JIAYOUS! GAMPATEH GAMPATEH GAMPATEH! HWAITING HWAITING HWAITING! ^^ ^^
Oh, I've just realised that I never contacted Elsie on my own already. Damn me! Why am I so nonchalant? Curse myself! Elsie, don't think I've neglected you kay? If you think so, I really didn't meant to. I STILL LOVE YOU EXTREMELY MUCH~~~~ *kisses and hugs*
Also, I've realised a new fact. Unknowingly, my close friends' circle has been expanded. Now, they include these people:
1. Tingwei
2. Yilian
3. Michelle
4. Shimin
5. Sheryl
6. Nelli
7. Carity
8. Elsie
Friends whom I felt have strayed apart and I wish to include them in my close circle:
1. Sien
2. Nena
3. Cherine
4. Winnie
The numberings are not according to how close I am to you, they are in a RANDOM ORDER. GOD! Now I suddenly feel so thankful for everything I feel like bursting into songs after songs!! LALALALALALA~ LALALALALALALALA~ LALALALALALALA~ Thank God for awesome people~~
I shall work hard in mending those friendships I've lost due to my own folly and maintain those I'm blessed to have. Yes, I shall do that. *nods in determination* :)
"Be grateful for life for being alive is awesome."
I've never felt that till now. Thank you. Thank you everybody who have treated me well. Thank you so much. :) I LOVE YOU GUYS. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! ^^ THANK YOU!
