VENTING OUTLET

Yo peeps, I'm back. ;D Miss me? HAHAHA. When I saw Yilian's post about how she's not blogging during her block tests, I suddenly feel a sense of guilt. :/ I still used computer when there's term tests. :( I'm like a rebellious kid or something. Sighs.

My results.. God. I really don't wanna complain about them but frankly I'm disappointed in HAP. Still, I'll be a bitch if I complain cause Carity's and Nelli's are worse. Urgh. :( I NEED AN OUTLET TO VENT MAN. Damn it! :(

Anyway, met up with Yilian and Tingwei for dinner at AMK hub today. :D I managed to let loose some of the feelings pent up, HAHA. I pity Tingwei the most; she had to endure my outburst from Ngee Ann Polytechnic all the way to Ang Mo Kio. Still, I'm grateful I have my beloved secondary school friends in my life. All of them. :) I'm just so thankful ya know? At least there's one thing that I never screw up and that's friendship. :D HAHA.

I miss those days though. :'( I find that I'm really missing a lot of things that I used to have. You really don't know how to treasure things until you've lost them huh? :'( I hate coming home now. The whole bloody house is so quiet, so.. empty. I feel so hollow inside. I used to had a real happy family. Now it's like everybody just goes and do their own stuff. Nobody cares anymore. My family has turned so materialistic and pragmatic that sometimes it doesn't feel like a home anymore. :(

I used to complain that my mum didn't pay attention to me. The truth is, I know deep down that that's because she has faith in me to have the self-discipline to study and work hard for my grades. The thing is this, it would still have been nice to see that she cared.

She never asks anything about my life, be it my grades or my friends. Zero. NOTHING! I feel so disappointed sometimes you know? I actually feel ENVIOUS when Nelli complains on Twitter that her mum nags her to sleep. My mum doesn't. She just says one time, and she stops.

Maybe it's cause I stopped listening. Maybe it's cause she stopped caring, I have no freaking idea. No wait, strike that. She cares. She loves me. It's just me being overly jealous of my sister who gets all the attention showered on her cause she is going to Korea to study. (She's already in Korea now.)

Urgh. Am I too petty? Am I too jealous? Too envious? I just can't help being this way you know? When my eldest sister got back her O level results, my parents were so happy that they even gave her a huge angbao. They even celebrated together as a family because of her. I'll admit, her results were really fantastic. She's always the hardworking one after all. Always the smart one. She got 10 for her L1R5, and that is before CCA deduction.

Then comes my second sister who has her O level results back. Her results were not good, but my mum always treated her specially. My father especially! They encouraged her and even sat down with her and made the choices with her together. They considered ways and means to search for the ultimate best course for her and their efforts paid off.

Finally, it's my turn. I wasn't expecting a celebration or anything like that, what I wanted was pretty simple: recognition. Result? I never got it. Do I blame my parents? No. How can I blame them? It was then that my grandmother was hospitalised. It was then that she might have to go for a heart surgery that was high risked. She was in the hospital while I was waiting to get my O level results. In the end, I couldn't even be happy for myself.

I HATE THIS YOU KNOW! WHY IS THE TIMING ALWAYS SO WRONG! WHY OH WHY! :'( Seriously damn upset here. I think this has been building up for a while now. No, I'm not blaming anyone here. I'm just venting my emotions before I go freaking crazy. 

So, after receiving my O level results, I rushed to the hospital to visit my grandmother. I gave my O level results to my mother, my proud score of 12 that had my many friends being envious of. She didn't say anything. She just nodded her head absentmindedly and returned the certificate to me. I was so upset I wanted to cry okay?

MY WHOLE LIFE I JUST WANTED MY PARENTS TO PRAISE ME ONCE FOR MY RESULTS IS THAT SO DIFFICULT? I've been studying and studying and studying so hard but they never notice. Oh no, they don't. It's always my sisters, never me! Yes, freaking sue me. I'm a bitter jealous bitch. Deal with it or fuck off.

Okay. I've really gotta stop this whining already. Seriously, Amelia, the whole world doesn't fucking revolves around you. GROW UP PLEASE! -.- Great, now I'm pissed at myself. Geez. When will I be satisfied man? -.- -.-

You asked me how my studies were. I realised that after waiting for you for so long to ask that question, I somehow didn't want to answer it anymore. And so, silence was my best answer.

Okay, seriously, I've gotta get a life. First, I'm pissed at myself. Then, I'm angry with my friends. Lastly, I'm despising myself. A life without passion is not a life man. I wanna find my passion once more. I wanna find back that love. :( :(

I wanna change my world.

 
夜裡 無聲眼淚驚天動地

范瑋琪-最親愛的你

Hey peeps. This is so awkward now but I'm actually at Nelli's house blogging now. AWKWARD. HAHA. :D Hmm. I got back my term test results le, Here they are:


HAP (bio): 38.5/50


PIPC (inorganic chem): 35/50


OBC (organic chem): 41/50


I haven't taken back my Mstats though. Have a bad feeling about it. Sighs. Hate studying. :( WHO INVENTED INTELLIGENCE MAN. Pssh. -.- We'll be better off being stupid; no global warming and all that nonsense. Urgh. Now I'm feeling sleepy. Z-Z I WANNA SLEEP. :'(


Alright. This entry is gonna be short cause this laptop is a bitch to type on. HEH. :P (Sorry Nelli?) HAHA. I'm just gonna post this song up and this'll be the end. Will blog again later if I have the mood, HAHA, ;D

夢和現實 的差距
有的時候 讓你感到灰心
世界無情 只要記得我在這裡陪你


我最最親愛的你 擦去淚滴
那片烏雲 已散去
我們一起走下去 一起笑著看沿途風景

RECORDER!

I specially dedicate this blog post to all dunderheads out there who mistreat their recorders or who think that the recorder is a horrible instrument. CHECK THE FOLLOWING COVERS OUT AND TELL ME IF YOU STILL THINK RECORDERS SOUND HORRIBLE. *glares*

1. Baby- Justin Bieber (Covered by KurtHugoSchneider)

2. Always with me- Spirited Away (covered by MickeyDutch)

3. Handel Recorder Sonata C Major played by Orpheus100)

4. Lady Gaga -Bad Romance (covered by Gabeysik)

Alright. Done for the day. Really gotta go and sleep now or I'll die tomorrow. :X BYE~ HAHA.

One day I'll play that awesomely too.

BEWARE: CHRISTIAN POST ^^

This is going to be a total Christian post. If you're gonna be uncomfortable with it, don't read it.  HAHA. Okay la. I'm not gonna go into total Christian stuff since I already wrote most of it in my diary. Still, I was browsing through some youtube channels when I heard this awesome cover by Christina Grimmie and I just FELT like I had to share it. SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE CHECK HER OUT! :) Her voice is really strong!! OMG. IN LOVE. ^^ (she does other covers too.)

In Christ Alone- Christina Grimmie

In Christ alone, my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My comforter, my all-in-all

Here in the love of Christ I stand

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious day

Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

Till He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
Till He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand 

Credits here. :)

Now, that's the total conventional style of music that everybody expect Christians to sing. Good Lord. I love all Christian songs but thank God that not all songs are like that. I LOVE ROCK ALSO OKAY? ^^ One of my favourites but I don't have it in my phone. :(

Running after you by Planetshakers. ^^

Love's Sacrifice- New Creation Church

Okay. This post is really totally random. Hmm. Beware, more blog posts such as this will appear more in the future. :D I guess I might be going back to my sister's church Heart of God after all. :( Don't know. Urgh. Church, SWS youth, CO.. :( I needa make up my mind. Go Heart of God, or go NCC? And you know what sucks? I can ask anybody if I should go for band or co but when it comes to Christianity, I have like literally NO ONE to turn to. :'( I don't blame my friends, but sometimes I just wish I have more Christian friends. :( Oh well~

Believing God for a miracle here. ^^

Tada~

sisters birthdays.

Hey yo peeps, I'm blogging today. ^^ Today is quite an eventful day I would say. Firstly, I went to my sister's church to try out her church. Secondly, my family celebrated my sisters' birthday together in Tampopo in Lian Court. Not sure about the spelling, HAHA. So yes, let me start from the beginning.

Hmm. Can't remember what happened, just that I waited for my sister at Paya Lebar MRT station and entered the church along with her. Now, I shall not bore you with Christian stuff since most of my friends are not Christians so yes, do not worry, HAHA. You took my broken dreams and pieced them back together again, reminding me that they were never forgotten. Thank you. :')

So yes, that's conclude church today. HAHA. I'm proud okay? It takes courage to step into a strange environment with only my sister as someone I know and my sister is not exactly a good company ya know? Haha. KIDDING. :P

So yes, after that we went to eat at Tampopo at Clarke Quay. THE FOOD IS EXPENSIVE BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY BIT OF YOUR MONEY I SWEAR!! ^^ EXCELLENT~ MARVELLOUS! EXQUISITE!! WONDERFUL!!!!! Alright, enough talk. PICTURES PLEASE!!! *snaps fingers*

SHABU SHABU. It's black roasted pork. FREAKING NICE!!! :) :) Haha. I kept gorging myself with food. My mum was THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED WITH ME LA. :)

Mum: *生气* 你可以吃好一点吗？恐怖得要命！

Me: *food still in mouth* 人家肚子饿嘛!

LOL. I totally have no table manners at all. So yes, let me declare this here to any future guys who have the misfortune of marrying me or dating me, I HAVE ZERO LADYLIKE-NESS. Need more clarification? Here, I'll show ya with pictures:

FOREVER ALONE!!!

But really la, don't say I didn't give ya warning okay? I'm really THAT crazy. :D Haha. Okay, 老娘不臭美了。Back to dinner. ^^

BEEF! ^^ I'm sorry for posting up this picture but the beef is really good. Michelle, maybe you'll like to try some? ;) *winks*

So yes, those are the only pictures my sister took since I gobbled the rest up before she managed to take any photos, HAHA. :) My sister is leaving for Korea for summer school for a month on Tues. :) I guess I will miss her? HAHA. NOT THAT I'LL EVER ADMIT OF COURSEE! :D 

But my mother is also going Korea with her, so that just means this: F.R.E.E.D.O.M. YAHOOOOOOOO~~~ (Nelli, you can come to my house as much times as you want. MICHELLE, YOU FINALLY WILL GET YOUR CHANCE. Grab your bags, pack your stuff, AND RUSH NOW~~) Say until like got GSS like that, HAHA. *laughs*

Alright, I'm kinda lazy to blog so I'm ending this blog entry with a MARVELOUS photo.

 

STILL NEVER CHANGE AFTER ALL THIS WHILE.

Alright, BYE!

BAMMMM!!!

Haha. Were you all shocked? :) Alright, really farewell le. :D

BYE! :D

穿越时空的思念

听到了，又想你了。还记得当初我整天跑你家去看犬夜叉，那些年的回忆，啊。。我真的好怀念啊。:) 如果能倒转时间，我一定会好好珍惜那些时光的。我亲爱的朋友啊，我爱你。^^

说我愿意等的这一句话，我到现在还铭记在心。我与你的承诺，我始终不会忘记。

原来二胡的声音也可以这么好听。。我陶醉了！^^

Another World- One Direction

Liam

It's not me, it's not you, there's a reason

I'm just trying read the signals I'm receivin

It's like stone on fire, can you feel it

I don't know about you girl but I believe it

Niall

Words will be just words...

Till you bring them to life

Harry

I'll lift you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

I'll build you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

Zayn

Everyday, in every way... ooooh

Harry

I'll lift you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

Zayn

One for me, one for you

Watch 'chu doing?

Girl, the music sounds so good

When you're moving

Let me take you higher

Let me prove it 'cause hey hey pretty girl

I believe it

Niall

Words will be just words...

Till you bring them to life

Harry

I'll lift you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

I'll build you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

Zayn

Everyday, in every way... ooooh

Harry

I'll lift you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

Take you to another world

You know I'll take you to another world

Louis

Baby let me find out your secret

Let me in, just let me show you that I keep it

Close to my heart jump in the deep end

Just let me in and let me show you what I'm meaning'

Harry

I'll lift you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

I'll build you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

Zayn and Harry

Everyday, in every way... ooooh

I'll lift you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

Take you to another world, Oh yeah

You know I'll take you to another world

Liam

I'll build you up, I'll never stop

You know I'll take you to another world

Zayn

I'll lift you up, I'll never stop

Credits here.

my entry (:

Yay, I'm here blogging again. You guys must have a field day huh? This is the second time I'm blogging today. :) Sighs. I love Japanese Cultural Group but I'm not really active in it and yet I'm very active in French Cultural Club when I'm not really interested in it. Go figure it out. :'( Really wanted to go for the bento event but I really had no idea how to sign up and it states through email registration when I don't even know their email so I gave up in the end. :'( 

I really have no idea what I'm doing with my life sometimes. No, strike that. Ever since I entered polytechnic, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING AT ALL. Yes, I chose the path that I walk on today, the path of being a veterinarian, but is that what I truly want? Now, I can feel the seeds of doubt planted in my mind blossoming. I really don't know what I want at all. :'( But isn't that what life is about? Finding your true ultimate dream through various trials and tribulations.. Ah.. Actually, it sounds kinda fascinating, HAHA. I guess I just can't wait to get rid of my whiny sides these days. I need to become more stronger. I want to be independent. I want to be able to support my loved ones and be there with them through every obstacle without a blink of an eye. I need it.

I guess I'm kinda hoping that more obstacles will be thrown in my way because of this. :) I need obstacles to mold me to become not only a stronger woman but a fighter. A survivor! Emotions are weak if one do not seek control. In fact, if one does not have self-control, one has nothing left. I need to become stronger to protect everything and everyone I love. I need to learn to treasure life for what it is. Life and death, it's a natural cycle, and hopefully, there will come a day when I can finally leave the dead to rest.

Alright. I know you guys are probably wondering what the hell am I rambling on about. The truth is, I have no idea myself. Haha. It's late at night, I have a mood to type, so behold! This fantastically random blog entry is born! Wahahahahahaha~  ^^ Okay, actually technically speaking I can blog about the day I had with Nelli today. Yes, thou shall fill you up with the most mundane details of my life. Oh, speaking of the word 'thou', I feel the need to explain these terms since Miss Dear Dear Nelli cannot seem to comprehend the beauty of the Old English.

Thou: I

Thee: You

Thy: Your / My

Finally get it, my dear Nelli? Haha. This is the way they speak during the medieval times. For example, instead of saying a simple 'I love you' it would be: Just like how the trees require the sun's light and air to live and breathe, so does thy soul crave your affection no matter how minute the portions thee spare. For without thee love, thy soul shall wither like a rose without water, and perish amidst this wilderness thou live without thy light.

Okay. It's not exactly worded correctly but you get my point. Basically, they like to exaggerate stuff and not get to the main point which is a waste of words in my opinion. Still, it's kinda refreshing to listen to those kind of speeches once in a while. Feels romantic, doesn't it? Oh. I've just realised I've strayed from the main point, LOL. Okay okay, thou shall blog about thy day now. :)

Today was a boring day actually? I mean hanging out with Nelli is like such a norm that I don't even feel anything exceptional from it. It's different from hanging out with my secondary school mates in the sense that I will treasure the time more with them as there's no guarantee when I will next see them as compared to with Nelli as I will see her when school reopens so I guess my attitude's kinda different? For example I'm really nonchalant with her whines and can hardly be bothered when I'm late. HAHA. To be fair, she's late 100% of the time too. :D

Alright. I shall be a kind kind soul and not bad mouth my poly friend in front of my secondary school mates. I can't believe I got side tracked again. Geez. Amelia, focus your thoughts here? At this rate this blog entry ain't gonna be completed, lol. ;) So yes, as I was speaking, I was late when I met her and she was even more late than me so it didn't really matter, haha. This is gonna be totally random but hey, I finally hit a 1k plus for my first dash on Unicorn Dash. *applauds* It's difficult you know?

In case you're wondering once again what the hell am I going on about, I shall kindly inform you that Unicorn Dash is a handphone game which consists of an unicorn dashing. Genius much? Haha. It really is what the name describes though. It's only a unicorn dashing. No, don't ask what's the big deal about the game. I know it's lame, but since Nelli plays it I'm determined to beat her high score, LOL. (Yes, you can once again tell my obvious sense of maturity from my actions here.)

Wait. HOW DID I GET SIDE TRACKED AGAIN? -speechless- I'm really awesome aren't I? Now even I forgot what I originally wanted to blog about. Sighs. I shall just forward the time to when we actually begin studying which was around 7+ when we finally reached Pasir Ris library. No. Once again, please do not ask me how we ended up in Pasir Ris library. That's a story I never want to tell. Just think of my amazing direction skills and you will know. (Nelli, I can't believe this but I totally can imagine you squealing "ONE DIRECTION" when I say the word direction. -.- I'm starting to get influenced by you. -shudders-)

So big question, has today's studying been productive? Well, to some extent I would agree, yes? I don't know actually. I tried to study the best I could but you can't blame me for the fact that I can't concentrate cause there were no tables there. YES. In case you don't know, I MUST have these three things when I'm studying no matter where I am.

1. Pencil case, duh?

2.My hand phone and earphones. (For music)

3. A TABLE!! 

Yes, it's MY BASIC REQUIREMENT TO STUDY! Can you imagine how much I suffered without my holy table today? :/ I couldn't even concentrate cause it was just so uncomfortable. I don't care Nelli. NEXT TIME WE'RE GETTING SOME WHERE WHERE THERE'S FREAKING TABLES AND CHAIRS. :@ I need my HOLY table. :'( AHHHHHH. Haha.

Okay, the craziness is starting to set in cause I'm really tired. -yawns- I guess I'll be signing off here? And guys, there might be a story coming out tomorrow hopefully if I have the time. I did promise Shimin I will continue after all so yes, please anticipate it. :)

P.S. Nelli feel thankful. I have decided not to write Joli fanfics cause the name Joel still grosses me out even though the one in our class is perfectly fine. :D  

Brothers - Full Metal Alchemist

Heys. I don't even watch FMA but I'm telling ya I fell in love with this piece the moment I heard it. Therefore, this whole post is just gonna be the various versions of this song. HAHA.

First up,

 OCARINA TIME!
 

Beautiful isn't it? The ocarina just has such a hollow sound, so haunting, so melancholic.. I REALLY LOVE the sound. :D Too bad I don't have one ocarina. Well, to be fair, I already have a recorder, a keyboard, 2 guitars, so how can I ask for more? HAHA. :) But this piece is really wonderful. OCARINAS YOU ROCK~ :D

HAHA. How can I miss one of the most popular instrument of all time? GUITAR!! *zzzhhaaagggg* Haha. My rough interpretation of guitar strumming. Guitar sounds are just so chilling sometimes ya know? *shudders* Like they can see right through your soul. While the ocarina's version gave me a melancholic feeling, this guitar version gave me a hopeful feeling. It's like communicating through music that everything will be fine in the end. KYAAA. :) :) Guitars are just WONDERFUL.
 

Haha. The most classic instrument of all time: THE VIOLIN!!! *claps claps* Instead of the extreme intense melancholic feeling I got from ocarina, or the tearing yet hopeful feeling I got from guitar, I got this really I-don't-know-how-to-describe feeling from violin. If I could summarise it into words, it'll probably be this: I don't wish for you to leave but if you must, I'll support you all the way. Yes, that's the vibe it's giving me. Not hope, not melancholy, but determination. It is determination to see obstacles through. :) AHHHH~ Just beautiful man. :D

Now the flute version. :) I have no idea what to say but just a REAL REAL uplifting feeling. This feeling of hope... IT'S WAY MORE INTENSE THAN GUITAR. IT'S LIKE TELLING ME TO JUST STAND UP FROM WHERE YOU'VE FALLEN AND RISE AGAIN. It's speaking to my heart that everything will be alright if you're willing to make it happen. It's drying all my tears. It's soothing all my wounds. Ahh.. The magical power of flute.. :) It's washing its calm, its serenity all over me. Like water pouring over my body, washing all of the dirt away so that one can start anew. I. LOVE. FLUTE.

And the most popular instrument of all time, the piano! :D Okay, I really have nothing to say about the piano, HAHA. It's beautiful and all the emotions of the song are captured in it. There's no intense feelings at all. There's no heart wrenching stories told from the music. It's just this calm and peaceful feeling that washes over you. It's something akin to the feeling I got from flute, just a more duller version. A more peaceful version if you will. :) EX-CELL-LENT.

And the original. :D Indeed, human voice is the most beautiful instrument of all. :) THIS IS THE BEST MAN! BEST VERSION I TELL YA! HAHA. :D :) :) :) Just listen to it and appreciate it. I really have nothing to say about such a marvellous piece. I'm spellbound. :) IT'S AMAZING.

So yes, this marks the end of my post. Hope you enjoyed the various versions of Brothers. BYE!!

blogggggg

Hey there, I'm finally blogging. HAHA. This post is gonna be so 'emo' though so if you can't stand me being 'emo', don't bother reading it. :D Alright alright. I'm just kidding. For the benefit of my loyal readers (it's ONLY your friends, dude.), I shall try to make this blogpost as mundane as possible. WAHAHAHHAHAA. (That doesn't even make sense.)

So today, I went to Sheryl's house to study, at least, that was the plan. What did I do in the end? Play, play, play, play and PLAY!!! :( God. Why am I always slacking? Why am I not studying? Why am I starting to sound like my old self? *AHHHHHHHHH* -screams in terror-

But really, this holiday I made a resolution to myself to write a story but so far, I ain't fulfilling it. :'( I miss those carefree days when I could care less about nothing man. I miss those days where I was in band happily playing my tuba. I miss those days when I was still immature and I could do anything I wanted without a sense of guilt. I miss being crazy. I miss having a wide social circle. I miss playing with my friends. I miss those memories. I miss the 'old me'. :'(

Now I've turned into this insecure shit that I truly despise myself. I feel conflicted. Should I continue band knowing my parents hate it? Should I continue it knowing that there's no guarantee that I can play back my standard of tuba? :( Mr Tan's right. I'm so caught up in what's good and bad that I fail to see the whole picture. I fail to see that one can never be good or bad. The line is so thin, and there's no specific definition, so what the hell am I hesitating for? :( I don't get myself anymore.

Sighs. Turn back the clock man, turn it back! I need the decisive me back now. I need it to make these life-changing decisions for me; to return to SWS or not. :( God. Just now, after playing badminton with Sheryl, we had a HTH. (heart-to-heart talk)

I don't know how but she always manages to make me think of Chuanjie. Maybe it's cause she's attached and I'm GLARINGLY single, I don't know. I just know that every time when I talk to her, I will inevitably be forced to face feelings that I'm in denial of. For example, the fact that I'm not keen to make new guy friends. Sian. Why am I turning antisocial? WHY AM I EVEN ENJOYING IT? -.- I'm a mystery to myself. Who am I again? -snickers at self-

Seriously man, I need to go out there and get a life. I NEED TO FORGET ABOUT HIM. I need to let go of what's never mine. :( If only it was that easy man. If only.. :( :( ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. Enough that I'm emoing over him. I can't even stand myself now. *CHEERING UP NOW*

YAY! YAY YAY YAY MAN! :D :D I've finally decided to write back stories, applause please? ;) *claps* (I'm such a 'forever alone' person that I clap for myself. What an embarrassment to society.)

But really, I'm quite determined to do this now. I can never ever forgive myself if I stop halfway. STOP SUCCUMBING TO YOUR WEAKNESSES. IT'S HIGH TIME TO TURN STRONG AGAIN. IT'S HIGH TIME THAT YOU LEARN TO BE INDEPENDENT. AMELIA, YOU CAN DO THIS IF YOU BELIEVE. Please, trust in miracles. Trust in love. Trust in yourself. :)

Haha. Yilian always say that to me: Trust in yourself. Apparently, it's evident to my friends that I don't even trust myself. :) I'm still trying okay guys? I have a long long way to go. ROOT FOR ME! :'D I will do this. I will change for the better. I will stop being negative. I CAN DO THIS!!! *motivational music plays* haha. I'm still as dramatic as ever though. :D

Now the question is, shall I ever return back to band? I have till Sunday to think this over. I hope I know my answer by then. :') But if I ever return, I know I'll be truly happy in there. Band have taught me so much things, and if I ever get over my own insecurity and return back there again, I'll gain wonders and miracles back. I'll gain more than I can ever expect. :) Till then, ciaos!

圈套

夜黑了  你走了  剩我独自一个人
这煎熬的孤独谁陪我度过
曾说过会跟我到天荒地老
结果这一切都只不过是个幻灭

夜深了  我哭了  连乌鸦也静了
原来这只是我幻想的世界
甜言蜜语是你骗人的方式
我再也不会去相信了

和你在一起的回忆折磨着我  怎么挣脱也逃不出这圈套
想你可爱的笑容背后隐藏什么  我怎么这么容易就被你骗到
像被你迷昏一样的失去理智  现在才发现困了我再也逃不掉

和你在一起的回忆折磨着我  怎样才能甩开你的拥抱
想你迷人的眼神暗暗地嘲笑着我  我当初为什么没注意到
像小孩般的相信了你每句谎言  现在才发现自己已经被骗到
原来我早已中了你设计好的圈套

天亮了  你走了  剩我独自一个人
这煎熬的孤独我自己却能熬
不需要你陪我到天荒地老
伤过了 痛完了 我自己也变好了

太阳升了  泪干了  鸟也开始叫了
我对你的幻想就在今天破灭了
现在我看清了你的真面目
我发誓我再也不会被你骗了

和你在一起的回忆渐渐遗忘了  这可恶的圈套被我逃出了
想你无邪的笑容背后隐藏的谎言  现在的我都不会在相信了
像梦完了被苏醒一样的脑袋清新  现在才发现我早已摆脱你了

和你在一起的回忆成了我的过去  你的拥抱我都不渴望了
想你迷人的眼神曾经嘲笑过我  现在的我早已释怀了
像个终于长大了的小孩一样   脑袋也开始变得机灵了
你的圈套就这么容易地被我摆脱了

天亮了  你走了  剩我独自一个人
我跟你的世界就在这一刻消失了
中了圈套的我终于清醒了
我再也不会回到你身边了

sunrise

"Time to forget you and start a new beginning."

在那一天的早晨，我默默地欣赏着夕阳，心中恍然想起你。你就像这个美丽的日出一样，那么的灿烂，那么的鲜艳，却是那么的遥远。。哈！我怎么那么傻呢？你从来都不属于我啊！以前不会，现在不会，将来也不会。我怎么这么笨啊？哈哈。真的以为你和我能做好朋友。现在才来发现，真正的傻瓜是我。胡思乱想原来是这个意思的啊。哎。。我真的该放手了。:') 虽然会舍不得，虽然会怀念当时的时光，但这次真的应该要做个了断了。我不能永远纠缠补情啊！连我自己也会讨厌自己的。对，我得要相信，就像太阳每天都会升起的一样，我的生命也能有一个新的开始。我不需要你！我有我自己的幸福，你也有你自己的。我不会管你了。现在的我要马上出发，寻找属于自己的幸福！^^

post after chalet

Yo peeps, I'm finally back from class chalet. :) Even though it have only been 3 days and 2 nights, I've felt like I've truly learnt a lot. First, I've got to know one another better in the class. I never thought I would have the chance to speak to certain classmates but you know, class chalet enabled that. I mean, really, I used to not speak to Darren and now look, I spoke to him in the chalet for definitely more than an hour. ^^ I'm happy that I went to class chalet after all. I also got to know more about the relationships in the class, like who likes who and stuff and guess what? I KNOW NOW THAT TWO PEOPLE LIKE MY DEAREST FRIEND NELLI. And know something even better? I'm not even jealous. HAHA.

I used to be real jealous when I see couples going down the street and wonder to myself why the hell am I like 'forever alone'. But now, I just feel peaceful and calm. :) When Mr J was telling me his sad story on how he tried to approach my friend, I just kept laughing at him. Okay, part of it was really sadistic on my part but most of it was just that I AM really happy that out there, someone actually cares this much about my friend. Reading Nelli's blogpost at that time and looking at her now, it's like two different people! I'm really thrilled. :) She finally gets some happiness in her life, aha! (The true one is One Direction coming to Singapore which is in 2014.)

And so, this class chalet ended on an eventful note for me. With what Carity has been going through and with Nelli's happiness just around the corner, I've learnt to brighten up quite a bit. Bryan always say this: You've gotta chill man. Haha. Now I'll admit it, I'm totally not chilled hundred percent of the time. Cesar Millan is right. Humans are the only people that follow unstable leaders. It is true. When I was in Mayflower band, my juniors and senior followed me and listened to my instructions despite me being such an unstable leader. I mean, why would they follow me in the first place? I'm not even calm and assertive!

Oh and speaking of band, I'm returning to band tomorrow for what would be the last time in my life. When Yilian tweeted that she did not know if she should do what she's doing cause she knows that she was going to regret what she do, I immediately thought of band, and my decision at that time. :( Till now, I still regret my decision. My heart is still wrenched upon the thought of how close I was to band and how I willingly let everything go. It was everything that I've wanted and yet my hands just let go of it. I am truly a fool huh?

Yiruma's Stay In Memory is playing on Youtube now and as I listen to it, the memories of my secondary school years are flooding my brain. When exactly did I become antisocial? I wondered to myself. I used to be so talkative I could literally talked your ears off. Then I realised. It was because of him.

Now, I've changed from what I used to be but that doesn't mean I can't change back. Take that Chuanjie! I'm not gonna let you rule my life anymore you freaking jerk. Go ahead and flirt with all the girls in the world but I'm telling ya, they will not even listen to your lies. What? You don't mean to hurt me? Then stop pretending that I did not confess to you for fuck's sake. Stop treating my feelings like shit down the drain. Yes, I like you, I still like you and I don't know how to stop. HAPPY? 

Still, I won't give you power to hurt me any longer. I can change into an antisocial person because of you I'm pretty sure I can change back. Now that it has all come to this, I don't even wish to be friends with you any longer, whatever we were before this mess. You don't even know how to treat a girl right and I sincerely pity whomever you end up with if you continue like this. Till then, I only have two words for you:

FUCK YOU!

Why are you so vulgar and violent?

BECAUSE I JUST AM.

translation of 范瑋琪's 一顆心的距離

Tears are glistening in your eyes

How long will it take for you to see the rain as stars?

"Hold my hands but don't give me sympathy

I need to learn to find courage alone from my own stubborn mistakes."

It seems that we are nearing and yet we are further in the next instant.

 It is not easy but it is for that reason that dreams need determination.

And so, finally we have reached here together

Now that I am so touched that I am at a loss for words, just hold me tight.

We are only separated by a heartbeat

As we recalled those memories with laughter and tears

Summer, autumn, the memories are like a movie playing back our growth throughout all these years.

This will be something that I will not tire of for a lifetime.

Silently separated by a heartbeat's distance

We exchanged our honest feelings

"I'm glad that on this dreaded anniversary

You had given me your greatest encouragement.

But I also want to tell you something.

Without your voice here, it's like a song without its lyrics.

No matter how beautiful the melody is,

It would have lost its meaning."

(My first knack at translating, so how did it go?)