Past down, future UP!

I don't know why ever since I entered polytechnic, a lot of people have been telling me about their past. It's really puzzling. In fact, it just happened this afternoon! It so happened that I was accompanying Carity to go out of school today when she abruptly mentioned her complicated past.

Okay, maybe it was not abrupt. She actually told me herself that I would know more of her past as time goes by. However, what I did not expect was for her to tell me everything today! O.O So, in conclusion, we sat under the HDB flat and started chatting about her life.

She told me in detail about what happened in her past. Her voice did not waver a single time throughout and although I sensed that there was still lingering pain, she chose not to show it. In my heart, as I listened, my respect for her just grew more and more. Not everyone can overcome what she has been through, and certainly not everyone can emerge so strong! Still, here she is! She HAS DONE it.

Then, I reflected. Who am I to bitch about my life if others had it worse? I don't know, but today I had a real eye-opener. I'm usually always the one speaking but with her, whenever we're alone, I am always the listener. Also, I've realised something today: being a listener and truly concentrating on what she says is sometimes one of the BEST thing you can ever do for a friend who's been hurt.

Under the humid HDB flat, she recalled her life, her voice echoing throughout the void deck. In a confident voice, she told me that I was the only person in the polytechnic who knew about her past. I replied that I was extremely honoured. People usually don't appreciate the position of being a listener but you know something? Sometimes, it's the listener who ultimately gains the most out of it.

Anyway, I thought that that was all to it you know? I thought that Carity would be the only one to open up to me cause I honestly don't know why people will tell me about their feelings. Do I look that welcoming? HAHA. So I'm sure you can imagine my shock when Nelli said her latest post was about her past! My face practically went like this: O.O

Moving on, since we all know that humans are naturally curious creatures, I clicked on the link and read her latest post. Sighs. I really don't know what to say. Why are some people just so horrible? Why can't people stop being immature? I really hate it when the thoughtless and childish actions that the 'popular' clique does hurts people. What's worst? They don't even give a shit about it. Instead, they are having fun and taking pride in others' misery. WHAT THE HELL MAN. Seriously, go and get a freaking life! -.-

But perhaps it is this that made me wonder, do our past really define us? Just now, while I was taking the bus, my mind was reeling. If our past affects us that much, won't we be forever trapped in the past if we refuse to move on? Nobody's past is perfect. In fact, I'm pretty sure some of ours are littered by scars. Then will that mean that we'll forever be trapped in our own world? And just as I was thinking this, I recalled the words that a wise person once said to me. 

If you are never ever going to try, how will you know if the world is truly as bad as it seems? I know you have a bad past, but the thing is just this, are you going to let your past control your future or are you going to let your future control who you are?

I can still remember vividly the impact that those words had on me. In that instant, I knew. I won't let my past control me, and I refuse to be affected by it. Sure, I've made a lot of foolish mistakes in the past but I'm over them now. I can't reverse back in time to stop myself from doing those mistakes anyway, so why should I keep harping on it and refuse to step out of my safety bubble?

Look, the reason why I am typing this entry out is because I have a lot of friends that are facing self-esteem issues because of the horrible past they've been through. I know you're finding it difficult to face your feelings and even speak about them but I really hope that one day you'll be able to do so.

Avoidance won't solve the issue and if you never step out of the safety world you've built for yourself, you will never realise what will make you truly happy! Sometimes, I really wish I can turn back time and bash all those horrible students that bullied you and those lying bitches that betrayed you, but you know I can't do that. Therefore, I choose not to dwell on it.

Rather, I choose to dwell on what I can do. I can focus my efforts on trying to make you happy instead. My friends, listen! Stop thinking about the past. Stop letting it define you. I don't presume to know everything that you've been through and I won't even try to but I just want you guys to know that whenever I watch you guys being fearful of the world, I feel sad.

There's so much things to be experienced out there, you can't just give up like that cause you're scared of the pain and thus never open yourself up. I remembered that in the beginning Yilian said that she really could not summon up the courage to talk about her feelings with me. I knew it, and yet I encouraged her as I knew that I could wait. In the end, she finally opened up to me, and our friendship went up to another level.

The problem is not about the waiting. Sure, I can wait. It's been 4 years already, and I'm still waiting. Although at times I do get impatient, in the end you are still my friend and I truly do not wish to force you to say what you're not ready to say yet. The problem is just this: the things you're missing out when you're too cooped up in your own world.

Don't you find it a real pity? I can't help but think so, and I really hope that this entry would help you to finally see what you're missing out. I don't even know if you're reading this entry but if you do, I really wish to see the day that you step out of that bubble that you've placed yourself in. 

As for Nelli, well, if you can't fit in, then don't bother fitting in! :) Don't force yourself to try and fit in when you don't cause in the end it's not going to work out that way. If you feel like you're already being yourself around me, I'm already contented, though I hate it when I make people feel awkward. :( You may say it's a childish wish of mine but I love it when everybody gets along with one another. :) I will feel extremely satisfied just by seeing that scene. ^^

Alright, enough of the fantasies and unicorns, my main point is just this: Do whatever that makes you happy cause in the end, people won't remember who you are or what mistakes you have done in your life. No! They will remember what you are and what are the best things you have done for others.

Tingwei, Yilian, Elsie, Shimin and Michelle, don't get too caught up with stress that you let it take control of your life. Remember, what's most important is to live your life to its very best cause we don't get a second life anymore. (unless it's some stupid retarded computer game) This is our one and only chance, treasure it!

Okay. I won't elaborate anymore cause I think this entry is already pretty long and I seriously hate typing on a laptop. Just know this, whatever that you may be going through now or even in the future, know that there will always be people there to help you, to guide you, and to encourage you. Never give up! ;)

有时候最简单的一个举动也能带给你最完美的幸福。
快乐，也只是靠于人的态度与思想而已。