Having 3-5 hours ++ sleep per day can really drain someone out. Changmin, Yunho, Jaejoong, Junsu and Yoochun are really amazing man. HOW CAN THEY EVEN TAKE IT? I feel so tired every day I just fall asleep during lectures. What's the bloody point, lol?
Since today I promised to Michelle to blog about my AAP lab, let's start shall we? :)
AAP lab was fun/content-heavy.
The end.
Haha. Michelle, you just got trolled~ XD To be honest, the carcass really stinked, but to me, the air refresher stinked more. It's like.. URGH. Totally gross. Why will anyone even like the smell? I RATHER SMELL THE CARCASS. T^T
Anyway, things in school have been pretty much settled by now. I'm already used to not having Carity there, lol. Humans sure do adapt fast huh? Just a few days and BOOM, it's like you never existed. Sometimes I'm still worried. Sometimes I'm still sad, but I'll live. Life goes on anyway. No matter what happens, life continues irregardless.
I was just thinking that as I stared at the carcass on the lab table today. I don't know why but looking at it actually reminded me of my grandmother. My father's mother I mean. I don't know why too. It's like staring at Death. I can feel its lingering presence even though it's been so many years. Death truly stinks.
Still, it's only because of that that we learn to treasure life all the more, do we? Ever since Vernise's death, I've always been asking myself this question at the end of the day: If I die tomorrow, will I regret anything that I've done today?
Some things, I do regret. Some things, I'm proud of it. It's also because of this thinking that lead me to contacting Sien, Elsie and Sheryl. If they were to die *touch wood* suddenly, I would like them to die knowing that I love them and not the other way around. Because of this thinking, I have contacted them knowing that I could full well be rejected.
Do I regret those? Of course I don't. I definitely don't. I love all my friends and family no matter how annoying they can be at times. Sure. I feel like strangling them or taking a brick to their head and hit them and kill them and @#$%^&&^%$ but despite all that, I really do love them. Every single one of them.
That is the reason of the existence of this blog actually. It is not to blog about the events happening in my life. It's not a blog for feelings. I have a diary for that. This blog is for my friends to know what's going on in my life. It's for them to know that yes, cheesy as it may sounds, that I love them.
So where the hell am I going with this? I have no idea. I'm just blogging what comes to my mind. I just realised that it's been a long while since I've last met Tingwei. We used to talk everyday but recently, I don't talk to her on Facebook anymore. *feeling guilty*
I've became closer to some of my friends yet drift with others. I can't help feeling sad about that. :( I'm afraid sometimes that drifting will really result in friendships fading. I guess I'm getting insecure as times go by HAHA.
I don't know la. I'm sleepy so whatever I'm typing is not going through my brain. There's so many things in school that's killing me and the foremost is this bloody position of being a class rep.
REALLY. DO I HAVE TO DO EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING?
Nimoca called me again today. JUST TO DO THE MAKE UP LESSON. She, who has all our timetables, ask me to organise a time slot for her. EH DUDE. I'm really not that free okay? Calling me on Saturdays is already over the top. NOW ADD CALLING TODAY TOO? You're practically CALLING me EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm not best buds with you okay? -.-
I'm just so fed up that I'm expected to do every single fucking thing and organise shitty stuff. Times like this the selfish part of me starts to blame Carity. Didn't she say she'll help me with this? Where did she go? I know it's not her fault. I know it's me being unreasonable, but sometimes, I really just wanna fuck the whole world upside down and just do what I WANT to do.
Honestly, is it my fault if I don't remember to print lecture notes? You guys are responsible for your own learning are you not? I know you've paid the class fund, but can't you just remind me to print? There's 21 of you and 1 of me. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF ME REMEMBERING VS YOU?
I'm just so frustrated. Nimoca is not helping. Really so fed up with her I stopped replying her texts. You want me to find a timeslot admist all our timetables? I don't fucking care anymore. Sometimes I wonder, is she and me the only one concerned over this? I mean to be perfectly honest it wouldn't really affect me or her much if the last group didn't present. It's the LAST group that will be affected. Oh. Maybe not. She has to do her bloody round up.
WTF IS WRONG MAN. WHY IS SHE TRYING TO MAKE MY LIFE SO FUCKING DIFFICULT? WHY WHY WHY?? *takes deep breaths* Alright, rant over. Just had to get that shit off my chest. I don't care. I'm near my limit le. I don't care about organising a fucking time slot anymore. She told me to contact the class then she does it on her own. THEN DUDE, DON'T WASTE TIME CALLING ME. -.-
*rant was supposed to be over*
So that's it for today. If I continue this entry it's gonna be full of swearing and vulgarities. It's not schoolwork that's making me stressed the most of the time. It's the bloody teachers!
#fml
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