Recently my life has been so filled with drama and conflicts that this time round, I really wanna let go of everything. To love, and to forgive. I don't feel like bearing grudges anymore. I really want to just lay back and relax. :)
Being through all the conflicts with friends and all, I just came to the conclusion that everything really just starts with a misunderstanding and escalates from there. In Dig Fight, in Nelli's one or in Sheryl's one, they are all the same. All of them thought they didn't matter to me, and I thought all of them didn't need me. It's a vicious cycle this one, thank God it's over.
I've thought about it long and hard, what do I do now? Life is all about choices ain't it? Regarding all the conflicts and all the struggles, only one phrase appears in my mind: Always keep the faith
I never thought of it but somehow or rather along the way, I've been putting 'always keep the faith' into practice. Never give up on anything easily. I would like to think of myself as such a person though I am not. I hope I will grow to be one though. I don't want to give up on anything anymore.
Something random but just yesterday as I was talking to Sheryl, a sense of protectiveness suddenly overwhelmed me. I don't know why too. I was and am still surprised at what I've experienced. It's been so long since I've last felt protective of her, I even forget how it feels like. I can't believe just yesterday I felt that same feeling again.
I don't know if I have what it takes to truly forgive someone cause I'm a real selfish person and I am one who bear grudges. That is perhaps why I never gave Nelli a definite answer if I'm giving the clique a chance or not. I just don't want to promise something that I don't know if I'm capable of giving aye?
I said in the past that I forgive Sheryl but the truth is, I never did. It took yesterday for me to realise that. In the future, there's still gonna be a lot of obstacles, a lot of conflicts, I just hope that our friendship can survive all of that. I am actually wishing that Sheryl and my friendship will work out. This is unbelievable. I don't know what I am doing anymore haha.
I just.. I don't want to have any regrets in life you know? I once asked myself, "If Sheryl abruptly drop dead, will you have any regrets?" And as I was thinking along those lines, I realised that the truth is: I will regret. I will regret not trying to reach out for that very last time.
So yes, that explains what I am doing with my life now. Hopefully, something good will come out of this. HAHA. I've always wondered you know, what will happen if I suddenly drop dead or disappear from the world? Will any body remember me? What will I even want to be remembered as?
There! The answer just appears as magically as though it was always there. If it was up to me to choose, I want to be remembered as the one who always keep the faith. Always keep the faith no longer means awaiting for DB5K to comeback. It means so much more. So much so much more..
So guys, what I really want to say is just this: I may not be a good friend. I may have the most horrid of tempers. I may be as stubborn as a mule. I may be the most childish most violent most uncontrollable bitch you've ever met but know this, this bitch here really does love you, you know that?
I don't know if you ever read my blog but if you do Carity, everything will be fine. :) I believe that your mum will be alright and even if the verdict doesn't turn out to be good, it will still be alright in the end. Have faith eh? :) We're all rooting for you! ^^
And this random blog post just ends here. I'm gonna put a DBSK song to end this wonderful magnificent piece of work yeah~ :)
"Right now, somewhere, someone is in pain, all alone
Passing through a sleepless night
Until the light shines on your heart
Let’s nestle close together, so that we could sleep
Like a melody and harmony in love
For someone’s sake
we are here
Although we can only achieve small things
Even just for 1 second
We still want to stop all the tears in this world
And turn them all into smiles
Keep loving, and keep walking,
We’ve been believing that we will be able to convey these overflowing feelings
Even before we were born, we knew that we would meet
And that we would be searching for our dreams together
The moment when we are able to compose the sparkling sound
We will be able to forget all the sorrow
Melody and harmony
You are always by our side
Giving us courage and hope
Thanks to you
Thank you forever
These glittering feelings are your gifts to me
You’ve taught me how to support each other, to watch over each other
And that I’m not lonely
The love that was piled up
is riding on the melody
I want to convey it to you
Forever and ever."
Credits here.
Carity if you are reading this, well, there was once that I dedicated songs to all of my friends but I missed out your name cause I thought you wouldn't read this blog but if by some chance you're reading this blog right now, well, the song above really describes ALL MY FEELINGS for you. :D GAMBATTE NE?! :) (that means JIAYOUS in Japanese)
And to all of my friends out there..
"Thanks to you. Thank you forever. These glittering feelings are your gifts to me. You’ve taught me how to support each other, to watch over each other, and that I’m not lonely. The love that was piled up is riding on the melody. I want to convey it to you. Forever and ever."
- COLOURS, Jaejoong & Yoochun
YES I KNOW. How original LOL. :) But really, I do mean it okay? :)
Nights people.
人生的旅程中或许会遇到种种的挫折，但我一点都不害怕。因为有朋友，因为有家人，我始终相信凡事都会好起来的。因为有你们才有今天的我。主耶稣，我的家人，我的朋友，我对你们可是万分的感激啊~ 永远都不要离开我好吗？让我们的友谊继续一辈子吧~
"And so I just realised her past is not so different from mine. The good part: I’m not bullied as much til traumatised of touch. Bad part: Both boys and girls bully me. Worst part: I am very very emotionally traumatised, explaining how its so hard for me to trust. I’m sure she is too though. She didn’t reveal this about hers but at least I have girlfriends to pull me thru like Shanelle, Melanie, Muipeng and Eve."
-Nelli's blog
This, I must clarify! I didn't reveal anything about how hard it is for me to trust cause believe it or not it really isn't difficult for me to trust at all. If I can use Sien's words here, "You trust people way too easily." Yups. That's the sad truth about me. I never learn LOL. :D
SO guys, I'm FINALLY gonna end this entry here since I'm dead tired and there's still school tomorrow. :) JIAYOUS! HWAITING! GAMBATTE!!! ^^
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