JUST JOKING~ ^^

I felt so sad when I read Michelle's post that I had to blog. I'm dissecting her blog post now. Here goes. (Her post is in bold)

Hi~

LOLS. Now the holidays n I'm not spending time wif my friends at all.

Ok! I decided after I come back from Taiwan.

I'm gonna call up Mushroom & the others :)

Let's go out!!!!

N if tmr can I maybe will ask Ting Wei out, hahas.

Yeap we're not close at all.

N it's gonna be awkward.

But i have to try my best to repair friendships I cut off in Sec Sch.

Like Ah Ma said, "You must spent time together to develop feelings which will lead to friendship."

I placed the strike to show which are my own words.

XD

Hahas, I owed her an apology, even if she does not know it.

I know. I really do. Some of my friendships are broken too and it's all cause of my own damn fault. Please, don't deprecate yourself. You are so much better! Didn't I say that you are like an angel in my life? Don't hurt me by lowering yourself so much. (pot calling the kettle black LOL)

Well, I'm a coward like I admitted to Ah Ma.

I'm scared of friendships because of these reasons like trying to repair friendships which might end up the other party being annoyed or hating you.

I hope I have the courage to do so.

I wanted to plan an outing that the whole 'clique' ( not sure I'm fit to use the word )

can go ice-skating or bowling.

But hahas.

Alas, I chickened out :(

It takes time, you know to build up my courage to mend broken friendships.

Like Ting Wei & Shi Min.

Oh yea, I owe Shi MIn an apology and an explanation too.

Don't hate me but yea,

I'm a coward.

Well I will try my best.

Although my best will not be enough for them.

So yea...

An advanced apology to them when I fail. (I don't have confidence in myself to know whether     

I will succeed or not) 

"I'm really sorry."

But you know...

Do you think it's worth their time for me to mend things with them?

If they want to have nothing to do with me, I can accept.

After all it was my fault despite the reasons / excuses (you may call it)

I can't say anything. It's between you and them. However, I just want you to know that you're not alone. My friendship with Sien is broken too. I understand. I owe her multiple apologies and I still can't believe how she is still staying by my side despite the cruel treatment I gave her. How can someone be so loving, so kind, so forgiving? I don't understand. I broke her trust in me. I made use of her. I.. I don't even wanna think about all the bad things I did to her. She's someone who bear grudges you know? Yet, she forgives me every single time.

What did I do to deserve such wonderful friends? I really feel so guilty towards Sien ya know? I cry sometimes because of her. Because I really feel like I don't have the right to her friendship.

Yet? She reassures me every single time of the importance of this friendship to her. That's when I realised that I had to change to make myself become better. I really had to. It takes courage and even though I have none of it right now I will try my best.

For Yilian I see hope...

Hope that we all can talk to each other like before we went on our separate paths :)

I no longer think it's a wishful thinking....

I see hope too wahahahaha. I'm really happy that now Yilian's replying more in our whatsapp. It feels like she cares. It just feels so damn awesome. HAHAHA. I'm easily touched I'll admit. I smile when my friends text me or visit me in work. When someone says she misses me -hinthint Nelli hint- , I was so touched I almost cried. When Yilian gave me the letters, I cried. When I read her card, I cried even more. When I saw Tingwei's card since I demanded for it, I was touched.

The little things that my friends do for me makes me so touched. I still feel so blessed up till now. Did I tell you guys this? I don't think I did. There was one time when I spent a lot of time with Sien and Nena that I neglected you guys (Yilian, Michelle, Shimin and Tingwei). I remember that after class I wanted to talk to you guys but you chased me away. I remember feeling hurt and feeling like I deserved every single ounce of it.

Then when you gave me the cookies I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. O.O You chased me away at that time cause you wanted to bake cookies for me? Not because you hate me? It was too much for my little mind to comprehend. I almost broke down in tears but I held it in. At that time I thought to myself, "Aah. I am so so blessed. These friends that I have, I must treasure them for life."

My feelings have not changed till now but since Michelle brought up the issue of apology, I guess I really do need to say a sincere apology to two of my friends that I owe to the most. One will probably not read this blog anyway but I'm praying she will while the other seems to stalk my blog recently so I'm hoping she will read it.

To Sien,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thousands of apologies can't even express my feelings to you. How can you tolerate me all these years? How can you? I was jealous of your grades. I turned Nena against you and yet your forgave me. How can you? I abandoned you and Nena for my band clique yet you accepted me every single time when I quarrelled with them. How can you? How can you be so accepting towards me?

You had lots of bad experiences with friendship and you ended them, so why continue ours? It's not that this friendship doesn't mean anything to me. I just feel that I don't deserve it. Tingwei says I'm a good friend, I can't see how. I'm so so mean towards you, how can you even allow me to remain as your friend? How can you give me the right to remain by your side?

I don't care what others say about you. You may appear cheerful but I know the sadness and hurt that lurk in your eyes. You said once that you cannot sleep cause you thought of 'those memories' and was unable to sleep. I reassured you that 'those memories' will not happen again and told you to think of me. I hope you felt comforted. Did you? You mean so much to me and yet I never did show it to you did I?

I love you. I did say it once did I? And you did say it back once. We felt awkward after that but at least we made our feelings known. :') I still don't get you at times. I don't get how our friendship can still continue with me treating you like this but since you've given me another chance, I'll prove it to you.

Sien, thank you. ^^ Thank you for changing my life. Thank you for showing me the true value and meaning of friendship. For days, months and years to come, I hope that we will always remain as friends. I hope that you will tell me your problems so that I can lessen the burden on your shoulders. x) GAMBATTE NE? My husband, I love you. ^^ (Riri, don't kill me. :P)

Now, the next apology goes to....

-drumrolls-

S

-drumrolls again-

Not telling. :P

-daggers and knifes are thrown-

YIKES ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

-evil smiles from viewers-

Me: Sighs.

HAHAHAHAHA. What? Can't I laugh at my own joke? I find myself humorous HAHA. Clap for the humorous me please?

-claps by myself-

Yes I know no one is clapping that's why I'm clapping for myself okay? *narcissistic smirk* I am just as thick skinned as that. HAHA. :P Okay, I know it's pretty obvious I'm just dragging time to allow more suspense but still.. Heh.

It can only be two people right? The only two probable people are: 1. Sheryl 2. Shimin

So who do you think it is?

VOTE PEOPLE! I WANNA HEAR YOUR VIEWS MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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What! You haven't guessed it yet? It's Shimin you idiots! HAHAHAHAHAHA. ^^ I'll bet ya ya's pretty irritated right now right? HAHA. Don't blame me. This is the FIRST apology letter to Shimin after all. I feel weird okay. I feel awkward. :( So don't blame me.

What? Reason not accepted? THEN KILL ME THEN!!! GO ON!! KILL ME!!!!! -gives dagger to your hand- GO ON!!!! *ROARS* KILL ME!!! -a loud war cry sounds-

*taiwanese drama ROFL*

Okay I'll get to the main point now okay? HAHA. ^^

Firstly Shimin, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. What am I apologising for? I don't know too. There's too many things that I have to apologise for that I can't think of a specific incident.

Sorry for all the hurt that Sheryl caused you by insulting your mum.

Sorry for all the hurt that I've caused you by accepting her back into our clique.

Sorry for all the patience you had in tolerating her because of me.

Sorry for all the anger you suffered when I forgave her time and time again.

Sorry for all the times I ignored your advice and got myself hurt in the process.

Sorry for quarrelling with you because of Sheryl.

Sorry for everything that I had done wrong to you.

Sorry for breaking your trust in me.

And I can go on and on and I can never complete this 'list of sorry' cause all the mistakes I've made and all the wrongdoings I have done to you seems to be infinite. I'm sorry for not apologising after everytime we fought when it's obviously my fault. I'm sorry for badmouthing you last time. I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I'm sorry.

I'M SORRY!!!!

-deep bows-

I really don't know what to say. I feel like I owe you a lot. I feel like I can never repay what I have taken from you. I'm just being foolish huh? I've gotta say it though. I, Amelia Choo, do love you, Pang Shi Min. Understand?

YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME, and so are the rest. You are special though cause among my close friends you are the only one who watched me grew. Thanks okay? Thanks for everything that you have done for me! I know my birthday celebrations are always initiated by you, because of you, I never felt lonely so for that, THANK YOU.

We really should meet up someday. HAHA. We need to have a heart to heart talk. :)) I especially need to talk to you about Chuanjie, LOL. I don't know why but everytime I talk to you about him you make me able to deal with my feelings for him easier. I DON'T KNOW WHY TOO. HAHAHA. I'm just thankful for it.

^^

Alright. This entry is ending here. LOL. At this rate the only friend I never talked about in detail is Tingwei, ROFL. :) Tingwei ah Tingwei, my feelings towards you you already know right? I'm sure you don't need an entry dedicated to you. ;P

JUST JOKING~

Anticipate okay, Ng Ting Wei? *winks*

Alright. Really ending my entry here. Since Nelli posted that she's looking forward to meeting me tomorrow night I shall also post that I'm looking forward to it. HAHA. Don't get the wrong idea okay? I'm only anticipating it cause of the bag. xD

JUST JOKING~

(this catchphrase is starting to get annoying right? haha. ^^)

I AM looking forward to meeting you okay?

Alrightyyyyy. Entry's ending here.

BYE!!

CIAOS!!

SAYONARA!!

再见!