You are precious to me though. Don't ever doubt that. I love you very very much okay? :) I don't even know where I am going with this entry LOL. I just feel like I have to do something so tada, this entry is born. :)
Alright. Gonna write a fic instead. :) This fic.. I don't know. Tell me what you guys think about it okay? It's been a while since I've wrote something.
"I'm going to leave now."
"Don't go."
"I'm going to come back so.."
"Liar! Liar!"
"No! Don't you know how much I love you?"
"...Can't you show that love to me right now?"
"I love you."
"Can't we love again?"
- In Heaven, JYJ
Yunho woke up with a start, their voices still echoing in his mind. Muttering under his breath, he wiped his tears away and got out of bed. It had already become a regular routine for him to wake in tears that he was no longer surprised by them. Glancing at the mirror, he checked that all traces of evidence were erased before he left his room.
"Good morning Changmin."
He greeted his fellow member who was already awake and was at the table reading the newspaper. Changmin merely nodded his head in reply, a bowl of instant noodles lay unfinished in front of him. Yunho was not surprised. After 'it' happened, Changmin rarely ate anymore.
Sighing, Yunho entered the kitchen and began cooking a bowl of instant noodles himself. Both of them were not gifted with the talent to cook and so could only eat that for breakfast. After all, they never had reason to worry about their lack of culinary skills before. 'He' was always there to cook for them.
Shaking his head, Yunho tried to rid himself of those dangerous thoughts and return to the issue at hand. Was Changmin's lack of appetite worth a fight? Should he mention it now and risk a quarrel or wait till the day's over so as to prevent an awkward atmosphere? Or should he not address it at all?
Yunho immediately shook his head vehemently. It was a foolish question. Changmin's health was definitely an important issue of concern. How could he as a leader want to skid around the issue in fear of Changmin's anger? How could he even call himself a leader then?
"But haven't you lost all right to that title when you failed to prevent the split of DBSK?"
His mind whispered against him.
"Shouldn't a leader be able to unite his team members and prevent such things from happening?"
Yunho slammed his hands on the counter. He would not fall back into that black hole again. He had to be strong for Changmin and for his loved ones. Plastering a smile on his face, he carried the bowl of steaming noodles in his hands and walked into the dining room, prepared to face the incoming wrath of the maknae.
"Changmin ah," Yunho addressed his fellow member after a few moments of silence. "Why are you eating so little? Are you sick?"
Changmin continued reading his newspaper and gave no indication that he heard his hyung's question.
"Changmin ah."
Thud! The newspaper was thrown on the table abruptly and Yunho jumped. Changmin finally looked up at him.
"It's nothing."
Changmin said with a tone of finality before he left the table and returned to his room, slamming the door after him.
Yunho sighed. Casting a wayward glance at the newspaper, he then realised that the headlines were talking about Yoochun's successful fanmeet in Taiwan and Junsu's success in Europe. It was 'them' again. Why was he not surprised? Staring at the closed door of Changmin's room, Yunho understood the reason for his lack of appetite.
'It' had changed everybody in various ways but Changmin was the one who changed the most. He was no longer the snarky and smart maknae. No. He was forced to mature far too quickly. His hyungs who meant the world to him had hurt and betrayed him and from then on, his love for them had transformed into hatred. Yunho, who had watched it happening, had not done anything to stop it. He was far too gone in his own depression to even care for someone else. Looking back, Yunho deeply regretted it.
"Yunho hyung, did you know? They released a new album today. The Beginning. So much for waiting for us huh?" Changmin scorned the moment he received news on JYJ's comeback.
Yunho sighed.
"Changmin. You need to understand-"
"NO. Stop making excuses for them. They made a choice to leave us hyung. THEY ABANDONED US AND JUST LEFT, TRAMPLING ON OUR DREAMS AND SHATTERING THEM SO STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THEM!"
"Changmin, calm down. Things may not be as bad as you think, right? They are just doing it on impulse. They will return! We are Dong Bang Shin Ki after all right? All together as five."
Changmin laughed.
"Who are you trying to kid, hyung? You or myself?"
Yunho stuttered, shocked by Changmin's sarcastic tone.
"C-Changmin. What do you mean? We are still Dong Bang Shin Ki right? We are still five!"
"Then why don't you check the headlines tomorrow if that's what you need to return to reality. THERE IS NO MORE DONG BANG SHIN KI. We have split." Changmin hollered, willing his hyung to come to his senses.
Yunho fell to the floor, tears streaming down his face. There is no more Dong Bang Shin Ki? No more Youngwoong Jaejoong, Choikang Changmin, Micky Yoochun, Xiah Junsu and U Know Yunho? No more DBSK?
"We're leaving."
Jaejoong's words echoed in his head.
"We're not gonna come back to SM."
Yunho closed his eyes. This must be a nightmare. He will wake up from it and find everything to be just a ridiculous dream. He will wake up to hear Junsu's excited shouts when he won a game against his twin. He will wake up to the smell of Jaejoong's cooking wafting in the air. He will wake up to Changmin's annoying insults to Junsu and hear Yoochun's laughter by the sidelines. Yes. That is the reality that he was from. Not this fucked up shit that he simply refuse to acknowledge as the truth. When he opened his eyes, everything would be fine. Everything would be just as it was.
"Hyung, open your eyes."
Changmin's face swarmed into his vision and he could see the worry present in his eyes.
"It's gonna be alright." Changmin whispered as he looked at his hyung, broken on the floor. "It will be okay. We will beat them. We will show them that they are wrong for leaving SM. We will prove it to them. We don't need them in our lives anymore."
Yunho just stared blankly ahead, willing this to be a nightmare that he would wake up from.
From then on, Changmin never mentioned JYJ ever again. Yunho knew that Changmin hated JYJ and abhorred any news that had to do with them. JYJ was a taboo word and Yunho never brought them up ever since that day. However, Yunho was not foolish. He knew deep down that the hatred was just a facade to hide the real disappointment and hurt that Changmin felt. It was his only way of dealing with reality.
"You still love them huh?"
Yunho whispered to the door that shut Changmin away from him, smiling bitterly to himself.
"That's why it hurts so much. You can't forget them nor can you hate them, 'cause you still love them."
"여전히 널 사랑하기 때문에꿈에서라도 믿기 싫은 이야기."
"Even when I dream, I don't want to believe those words because I still love you."
Gosh so angst... Y make it sound so sad.
ReplyDeleteHAHA. I was hoping for criticism. x) No la. I was angst at that point of time hence the angst :P
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