ghost of me

There are so many thoughts going through my mind right now but none has taken a foothold on me. I feel like a maze, filled with twists and turns, never knowing if I'm going in the right direction. My mind's muddled. My vision is fogged. My heart's weary and my spirit's barely burning.

I don't feel like caring. I think it's easier if I didn't. I don't understand why the hell am I so absorbed in my friends' issues or their problems cause to be really honest, it ain't any of my business. I want a life back. A life I call my own. It's okay to show concern over others. I'm not saying everyone should be a selfish prick. I'm just sick of going over the line in these issues. I mean, really, where's the line?

I'm probably not making any sense. I'm tired. My brain's fried. I didn't study enough today. The guilt's catching up to me. What's next? -sighs- Does it make any sense if I say I'm too tired to hold on? Cause what's written on the picture is true: Letting go of someone special is hard but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder.

I feel like with every single friend I make, a single piece of my heart goes out to them, and each time that thread of friendship snaps, they take a piece of my heart with them. :( It sucks. Putting yourself on the stake every single time and bearing your feelings on the sleeves ain't as easy as it looks. I may be rejected by guys in terms of my crushes but damn it, it's always these stupid dwindling friendships that hurts me the most. The pain is raw. It's there.

And I'm just fucking tired of holding on. Every single time I tell myself not to, you do something to change that around, make me feel like there's a single flame of hope, that there's still something worth fighting for. Well, it ain't true ain't it? There's nothing left but walls; walls of thorns to keep our hearts in and keep the love out. Nothing left but the vast distance between us and the dying cries of our friendship.

"Sometimes there's no meaning

In the visions when you're sleepin'

Don't wake up and believe them

You're looking at the ghost of me."