best friend

Recently, during a whatsapp conversation I had with Si En, I used the term 'best friend' to describe the relationship between us. As expected, she instantly felt uneasy. It's not just with her. When Shi Min was describing to me about how *sperm whale* (codename) was proclaiming Shi Min as her best friend and Shi Min said I was her 'best friend' instead, both of us felt it was weird too. Si En says she hasn't used the words 'best friend' since she was in primary school. I kinda agree with her. I haven't used the words 'best friend' till the recent conversation I had with her. The reason behind that is simple: 

In the past, I didn't have to categorise my relationships. You were either my friend or you were not. 

Now, I have so many 'friends' slipping through the cracks between the lines of friends and acquaintances that the need for a new category to place these people in arises. It used to be easy to categorise my social relations with others. Now, it's tough. Most of my current friends aren't people I would share my feelings with. Yet, they are certainly more than mere acquaintances in my life. It's hard for me to explain this but I just have a compelling need to categorise people in my head. Without this sense of social structure in my mind, I go insane.

After all, don't we all act a little different around the people we meet? The closer we feel to the person, the more we reveal to them of our inner self. For me, it's the same thing. By categorising people according to the intimacy of the relationships I have with them, it provides my mind with a sense of order. I know how to act around them; which side of me to reveal and which side I have to hide. 

That's why, reluctant as I am to say, I've started this habit of categorising things. I remember trying to explain my mindset to Si En and despite trying as hard as I could, she couldn't get where I was coming from at all. It doesn't matter though. Different people have different mindsets. I much prefer hers. Simple, short and sweet. Mine's just a jumbled up mess with the deceiving appearance of order. 

I guess experiences really change people huh? I used to be so carefree and optimistic about friendships. Now, even the thought of entering a new school and making more friends just exhausts me. I don't want to make an effort to reach out to people. Yet, I do not wish for a lonely university life. I guess I just gotta suck it up and deal with it.

Alright guys, ending with a rather sweet picture:

Ting Wei's definitely number 1 for me while Shi Min's number 2. As for Si En, well, categorise yourself man. I don't know which you belong to hahaha. The rest, hmm, I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Oh yeah. I forgot to introduce you guys to a new reader to my blog! I'm so sorry I forgot to do an official post about him. Alright. Here are some facts:

*insert picture here*

His name's Vincent Tan (not to be confused with my other friend Vincent) and he's a friend I got to know in church. He's a nice guy. Younger than us by a year. You guys can say hi to one another if you ever meet in the future, hahaha.

Alright. Enough rambling. I'm just feeling a tad emotional today, considering the fact that I forgot today was my paternal grandmother's death anniversary until my mother kindly reminded me. I'm sorry, grandmother. I don't do well with dates of death. So yeah, that's it for today. Have a nice day guys~~

P.S. Funny how life works, isn't it? You lose a friend, you gain another. *mock laughs*