I kinda cried when I heard Rainy Blue though. Okay. I didn't really cry. I was just sad. Emoshinki if you will. :) I don't know. I'm pretty much just going with the flow these days haha. Worried about Yunho. Worried about Jaejoong. Worried about Changmin. Worried about Junsu and Yoochun.. God. Why do I have a feeling that both Yunho and Changmin will resign the contract? :( *worried*
Oh well~ Enough about fandom stuff. There are so many spams on my Twitter and Facebook already haha. I don't think you guys need to read more of them? :X It's okay. I know. I was super annoyed when I followed my Twitter account accidentally. HOW THE HELL DID I RETWEET SO MUCH HAHA! Please unfollow me people. The number of tweets are ridiculous! O_O
And I just realised, I actually have 130 subscribers on Asianfanfics now! YAY! ^^ I'm so happy, haha. Asianfanfics, you can say, is the only thing I feel like I'm truly proud of now haha. :D By the way, Sien, you're so right. I haven't washed my hamsters' cages yet. :X #screwed
Still, holidays are ending and I can't help but feel sad. Really really sad. :( Did I manage to do what I wanted? I don't know. There are so many things I haven't done yet. So many things yet to be experienced.. :( Why must time pass by so fast? :( Can we slow down please? :(
I've learned a lot through this holidays though. Volunteering at the children's home for example. It was a real eye opener. I guess I really have to thank Carity for that? Before Carity, I was so narrow minded, so selfish.. For that, I just really want to thank her. Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for teaching me how to cherish those simple moments of happiness. You're one of the best friends I can ever have. :')
Recently, I visited Carity in her workplace Pets Lover Centre at West Mall. She became so skinny!! :( 我看了都心痛. :( Please eat more okay Carity? I don't know if you even read this blog but if you do, FREAKING EAT MORE AND WATCH YOUR HEALTH! :( Don't make me worry about you more than I already do. :(
My friends.. I seem to have a lot huh? Nelli, Carity, Sien, Shimin, Michelle, Yilian, Tingwei, Sheryl, Elsie and Vivian. All my precious friends.. Did I ever say how thankful I am to each and every one of them?
(By the way, Nena isn't included here cause she's a betch for giving aeroplanes so yeah..)
I'm really thankful for every friendship. They teach me how to treat other people better. Carity taught me how to change my perspectives and look at things from a different point of view. Nelli taught me how to be accepting. Sien taught me how to be more senstive to others' feelings. Shimin taught me how to be mindful of my words and my actions. Michelle taught me that broken trust can be repaired. Yilian taught me to have more confidence in myself. Tingwei proved to me that any sort of friendship is possible if you set your mind to it. Sheryl taught me the most out of all. :)
Vivian, on the other hand, just taught me that friendship can truly transcend throughout the years. :) My friendship with her is so pure, so innocent.. It's like we don't meet for a year yet we can still talk like we're the bestest of friends. :) It's just so awesome~
(Elsie, you just taught me the joys of bitching. :D)
This whole holidays have been a real break for me. I've talked, I've learned and I've felt. My horizons are broadened and my eyes opened. It was in some ways an enriching holiday indeed. Still, I feel sad that it's ending soon. :( I feel sad that this short break, this escape from reality will come to an end. Soon, it'll be back to shitty school again.
I don't know what the future holds. I'm scared in some ways, yet excited in others. I'm excited to see how I'll cope. I'm scared of failure. Just your average life story, but I ain't letting it get me down man. If it's tiring to spend time with a person, if friendship has turned to a chore, then to me, we'll just not be friends anymore.
Talking with Sheryl a few weeks back made me realized one thing: I hurt her as much as I hurt myself. She has trust issues because of me, and I have some trust issues because of her too. It's ironic how I kept pushing the blame to her when I'm to be blamed too. Don't you get those times when you just feel so disgusted with yourself? I get those times a lot, but in that instant when I was conversing with Sheryl, the disgust was just so overwhelming I wanted to puke.
I can't believe I'm like this either.
Whining about life's difficulties when I have it better than others, why am I always so ungrateful? I used to be such a cheerful person. Now I'm just a whiny bitch. *sighs* I really need to change that aspect of myself. So thus, this shall be Amelia's plan for the next semester:
作战计划
1. Mug.
I need to mug really really hard. One thing that struck me in Sien's message was that I really have to stop letting life's troubles get to me. Shimin was saying too, "Just ignore them." I agree with her, and indeed, it's easier said than done. Still, I can do it right? As long as I set my mind to something, surely I can do it?
YOLO RIGHT?
:D
I really need to score good grades for next semester. I know some people did worse than me. Some did better. I shouldn't be bitching about my results. I know. I'm thankful for my results in some ways. I'm not shocked by it ya know? I expected these results. With the amount of effort I put in, it's a miracle I got these results already.
Disappointment, so what? I just have to try harder next time don't I? I know. It sounds all like optimistic bullshit, but believe me, it's true. So to Yilian and Elsie who are taking A levels this year, it's coming up in about 7 months time right? I'm not too sure about the timings and stuff. Still, a word of encouragement to you: Life never stops. Don't base your life on A levels. Even if you fail, so what? Even if you score well, so what?
Life ain't about grades. Life's about experience. I can score so well for my results as compared to my colleague but when it comes to my work, I'm so much lousier than her. I couldn't even catch a sandwich at that point of time. Doesn't that tell you something?
Life isn't determined by grades. Nor is it determined by how smart you are. It's how you see yourself and how others see yourself to be. Even if your results are good, if your attitude is like shit, you won't get hired. Performance is more important than results. Just get that in your heads okay? Don't mug too hard that you lose the pleasure of being in school! Jiayous for A levels! ^^
Alright, back to my dumbass plan:
2. Become more independant
Now this, I really want to be. I'm tired of relying on others. Tired of disappointing myself. It's time that I stand up for my own rights. It's time I fight for myself. Sitting back and waiting for someone to fight for me is just a pansy way of doing things. My life is in my control. If I choose to make myself happy, no one can make me unhappy. I hope I'll remember this clearly for my poly life. Remember Amelia, ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH1 ^^ Jiayous jiayous! :D
3. STOP spending too much time on fangirling
I really need to stop. Fangirling is stealing my life away. I don't even have a life these days. It's either work or either DBSK DBSK DBSK! Seriously, Amelia? Get a life! Start enriching yourself. Learn something new. Pick up an instrument. I don't know. I don't care. Stop moping and harping on things, lol. Even I can't stand myself. Urgh. Yes I know. The blog url is harpingonthings, you don't need to tell me that lol. That's why I'm blogging this whole shit here ain't I? I want to STOP harping on things. I want to learn to let go and move on. Sounds tough but I'll do it someday. Let go of the past, learn to forgive myself of my own mistakes, and get rid of the stupid penknife in my bag. Why the fuck do I still have it anyway? LOL!
4. Time management
I don't know if I should continue working when school starts. :( I'm afraid I can't manage my time well. Still, I really like working somehow HAHA. Makes me feel more focused and useful. Kind of boost my self esteem I guess? Yeps. :D We'll see how it goes shall we? VROOM VROOOM VROOMMMM~
So that's my plan anyway. Alright. Time to stop with the self-motivation. Let's go on to the happier things today haha! What did I buy over the holidays? :) :) It's a whole load of shit so yeah.. You'll see a totally crazy Amelia who spends her money like water haha!
1. TVXQ Shirt for $15
Please ignore the face haha. I'll censor it but I'm too lazy to. :D Anyway, it's nice right? Totally awesome! ^^ Gonna wear it to school everyday haha. Sounds like a plan! :D
2. Dumbo Ring for $13
My mother will kill me if she finds out. I think I'm just crazy that's why. Shit Amelia. What the hell are you doing? :(
3. TVXQ hoodie for $20+
I forgot the price. The reason why there's so photo is cause they haven't gave it to me yet. :(
4. Jaejoong's MINE album for $15
Same reason for lack of photos. Album not given to me yet. THIS IS THE BEST BTW. Jae's album rocks shit man!
5. Umbreon plush for $7
Best buy ever! Umbreon is freaking cute. I feel like changing my blogskin to Umbreon can? :DDD UMBREOONNNN!!! WAE YOU SO CUTE!!!?? :D :D ;D ;D :D Umbreon I'm loving you~
6. Uncommitted by Junsu, JYJ's In Heaven, JaeChun Colours and Melody and TVXQ's O for $58
No photo cause I'm lazy.
But omg!! I really spent a lot of money now that I think about it. Screwed screwed screwed. :(
And Laine just fb messaged me. She's asking me to go back to MOF to work. Seriously? She said she really needs staff and she even said the word please. GOD DAMN IT! I hate this. :( Norman's good to me and Laine's good to me too. Both side no staff and I haven't worked at MOF for ages. Now, for those of you who don't know where I'm working currently:
Quiznos Sq 2
Rate: $6.50/hr
Laine offering:
Mof Amk hub
Rate: $7/hr
I'm like, it's not about the money LOL! Laine was saying if I go back work she'll give me that pay. I was like, it's not about the money! I'm afraid okay? I'm scared of restaurants, but Laine has always been so good to me, I don't wanna let her down when she needs staff.
BUT NORMAN IS GOOD ALSO. FUCKKKKK!!! :(
I hate my life seriously. I can't choose!! Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it. :(
Please save me? :(
Btw, both places are desperately hiring people. If you are interested, contact me LOL. Elsie, this isn't for you okay? Both sides all have meat. :X
Now I'm gonna end this blog entry here cause I'm conflicted. DAMN! URGHHHH!!
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