whispering daffodils

"I don't know how you do it sometimes. You look at the world like it's something new. You feel happy seeing the pale blue skies and the daffodils swaying in the wind. It seems like you love being in this world, but what's so good about it? I look around and all I see is Death. An ant getting trampled upon by a pair of sneakers. A spider eating its own kind after it gives birth to multiple eggs. Where is the beauty in all of that? I'm so sick of the world sometimes. It's corrupted, grotesque and absolutely disgusting.

I hate the social talks; the connections that everyone tells me are important to forge. I hate the big fake smiles and stupid lies. I hate the fact that the world's in colour cause I rather it be black and white. I don't understand why they say we're living. We're all waiting for our turn to die. It's just a matter of time. Why the hell are we so optimistic about life when we, in fact, should mourn the fragility of it? 

I like how they're trying to convince me that I'm being morbid. No, I'm not. I'm just facing facts. I'm living to finally die."

Nelli wrote this in her blog:

Anyway, I’m sorry Amelia.. That my posts made you upset. I wish it didn’t ever have to end up this way for the both of us. Fate is ever so cruel. I love you, you don’t deserve all the pain you feel deep inside you the way I have. No one deserve to feel like this ever. It is shit. (No I take that back. I want people I hate to feel way worse than this muahahaha 😈)

I just want to clarify this: Your posts did not make me upset in the way you think it did. It didn't make me feel more 'depressed' than usual. It didn't have that kind of effect on me. It just forces me to confront feelings I've buried deep inside me. I guess that's kind of therapeutic if you think about it that way. Just think of yourself as my personal therapist. It feeds the ego.

Let's all feed each another's egos haha. It's nice to feel needed, is it not? It's nice to know that you're wanted in this world, that someone will miss you when you're gone. It feels lonely sometimes but it's important to remind yourself that you're not alone. It takes away many impulses to do things that will be otherwise deemed foolish and impudent.

AKTF.