friendshit

Looking back to the past and reliving my 'childhood' memories did not help me as much as I thought it would. In a way, it felt good to talk about them. It certainly helped me understand myself better. Yet, it doesn't change the fact that all the horrible things that happened changed me and stole away the innocence I once had.

Every time Si En talks about her primary school days, I have to stifle the urge to murder maim severely injure her 'friends' at that time. They treated her like crap and it's for no reason at all. I especially hate it when someone accused her of doing something she didn't do and everyone believed the other party instead of her. That kind of betrayal is just something I can't stomach.

I feel so disgusted by society at times; the fact that everyone's stuck in their own heads and refuse to lend a helping hand to others downright pisses me off. Still, I'll understand it if you're not willing to help a stranger, but your own bloody friend? What the hell are you thinking man?

I really hate it when people tarnish friendship and treat it like crap. I'm not the best friend in the world and I have done many terrible things to the people I call friends but there's one thing that I will never do: ignore a friend that needs my help.

Friendship isn't something that falls from the sky, y'know? It's a blessing to have friends; to have people who love you for who you are. You can't just turn around and erase everything that has happened the moment you find new friends. They were there when you needed them so why are you ditching them now that you have no use for them anymore? Don't those old memories matter? Aren't those bonds real?

I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so hung up over the past. Moreover, it's a past that isn't even mine. It just infuriates the hell outta me that people can be so unloyal and distasteful. I just feel so annoyed that it happened. Urgh.

And she isn't the only one of my friends bullied. Many friends of mine get bullied as well and it sucks when I can't do a thing to change it. I guess there's no power in being me after all. Damn. This got emotional real fast.

I was so damn stupid back then though. Forgiving others, loving others and believing in them despite countless betrayals? Wow. I sure was dumb as fuck. I am genuinely pissed at myself right now haha.

I guess having assholes in my lives were good cause it really slapped me awake this time. I learned that some people are evil not because they were born this way, but because of the experiences they had that made them who they are. They choose to be assholes cause someone was an asshole to them in the past. I guess this just boils down to the question of whether you wanna be an ass just cause someone was an ass to you.

I choose not to. (but sometimes I unintentionally become one)

Some people are just fucked up in their heads. I can choose to ignore it or accept it and move on.

You know, the thing that really got to me as a kid wasn't so much of the bullying part but it was accepting that some people are just inherently bad in nature and there's nothing I can do about it.

"Some people cannot be saved."

I had a hard time believing that and I'm still struggling with that now. Fuck me. I should just get off the high horse I'm riding on and stop acting like a damn martyr already. I'm no Harry Potter and I wouldn't give my life to save some damn stranger on the street.

I should just get over me already.