To be honest, I'm kinda sick of her. Every time I go to her house with you, I feel totally transparent you know? I've talked to Shimin about it. It's kinda infuriating. She obviously doesn't give two fucks about me so why should I care about her? I never really treated her as a friend in the first place so I don't feel the hurt you're feeling. You're disadvantaged at this point. I'm sorry, Elsie, but I honestly don't wanna bother about her anymore. If you wanna care about her, it's your problem. I don't care.
She doesn't even remember our birthdays wtf. She knows nothing about me as do I about her. What's the point of keeping up this facade of friendship? To be honest, I am freaking sick of all this friendship nonsense. I seem to have a lot of friends but trust me, at the bottom line, some of them are just acquaintances I'm unwilling to let go due to some past memories or shit like that.
This time around, I'm not hesitating. Nope. Not anymore. I'm not gonna continue these toxic relationships anymore. It's not good for me, nor for her. I mean, let's talk about the 'her' you talk about in your blog, Elsie. Without 'her', I can live perfectly. I don't depend on her at all. She doesn't even provide me the comfort of a friendship. No. Nothing. Why should I bother?
I don't feel jealous you went to her house without me. I feel sad cause I don't get to see the cat but heck, I'll deal. I rather not see the cat than to go to her house and feel completely awkward. I have to attempt to understand what you guys are saying and yes, it's just freaking tiring. Especially with that pompous attitude of hers.
"Didn't DBSK break up already? Why do you still like them?"
AND THIS STUPID FUCKING QUESTION OF HERS. I swear she's out to spite me sometimes. She asked me every single time I went to her house, Elsie. No, I'm not caring anymore. How many times can you ask the wrong question man? Obviously, this topic isn't one that I want to talk about right? Besides, what has DBSK breaking up got to do with me liking them or not? Where's the link? URGHH.
"so yes poor Ame, I went to her house without you and don't get mad I think you're dying in school so you probably have no wish of dragging your dead ass to W's condo just to hear stupid JC kids talk cool ass shit about picking their university cause they can totally get in while you're dying to even get in
so yeah"
You're absolutely right about that. I wouldn't want to hear her talk about it cause I know she'll say it in her total proud and arrogant way so heck, I don't wanna care. Yeah. She scored fucking 87 points out of 90 points. Yeah she's a genius. I'm sorry but I rather not be a genius like her. She maybe smart but definitely she's not street smart.
I don't claim to be street smart either but I have enough of that to function in a normal society. At least I know something: Don't be a pompous ass cause no one appreciates that. Yes, it's the truth. Fuck it. I don't even know why I bother about this but these feelings have been trapped for a really long time okay? I've NEVER felt comfortable going there. I've tried to remain enthusiastic but every single time I exit her house, I feel lousier than before. I mean, I'm jealous of her too, Elsie, and it really doesn't help how her future is brighter than mine and obviously she's gonna have a better life ahead while I'll be stuck in bitterness forever.
Geeeeee.
"and yet the way she acts and speaks is almost like
hello bitch you do what i want you to do i don't care what you think or feel lol i want my own fucking way and you just don't matter
and it's a fucking pain in the ass
to be crude she's being such a bitch and inconsiderate little pig ass brat and selfish
I mean YEAH she didn't rub it in my face but the entire essence of me being there, the way she acts and moves and speaks it's totally implying it like
do I fucking care about your entire existence? Lol I totally don't
and that's just being mean and stupid and selfish cause that's just gonna push everyone the hell away and if you become a loser like me then you fucking deserve this shit"
Amen to that! I totally think so. I'm with you on that. HAHAHA. I remember talking about the differences between poly culture and JC culture. Even back then, I sensed that she kinda despised poly kids. Talking to her mum kinda feels awkward too. Her mum is like 'I obviously do not care about your existence cause you're in fucking poly but I feel obligated since you're sitting on my house floor tiles". Wow. WOW. I feel so appreciated every time I'm there. Getting fucking judged cause I'm in poly. You know what? FUCK IT ALL.
What's wrong with poly anyway? It taught me so MANY things JC wouldn't have been able to teach me. I'm not saying JCs are bad. It's up to the individual person to choose. That doesn't mean you can push your freaking views onto people okay? Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you can make everyone around you hate it. It makes no fucking sense. -.-
I'm not there for you to get judged. If I want to get judged, I'll make sure I'll send myself to the nearest damn court of justice okay? You're not a freaking judge so just shut the fuck up, sit in one corner and keep to yourself, dammit.
-.-
You know something, I really do think that I should hang out less with all these rich kids. Sorry for stereotyping but hey, Carity and Stacy treat me so much better even though they have real things to worry about in their lives. Their problems are really pressing or urgent issues but they chose to put aside those problems and enjoy the day with me even though it was their only off day in the entire week and they both are tired as fuck. You think your problems are more important than theirs? Well, you thought wrong. -.-
It's funny how the ones who are judged treat friends better than the ones who judge.
Note this, now, I'm JUDGING you.
Fucking proud arrogant shits.
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