Now, I guess you guys must be wondering what exactly is it that I have to say that will break Tingwei's heart? *Takes a deep breath*
I WON'T BE CONTINUING HISTORI DASHURIE (MY STORY) ANYMORE.
Now, why the hasty decision, you may ask. Well, there's several reasons:
1. I am currently facing a writer's block.
Yes, you read it right. I, Amelia Choo who usually can write pages and pages of words, am currently facing a writer's block. Simply speaking, I really can't continue writing. You need proof? Just take a look at the latest chapter! I bet you guys didn't even know that Willy in fact is not leaving the girl but is merely scaring her by saying that. It was a form of joke! Wow? Surprise huh? Yes! That was what the chapter was about! But I bet you guys don't even understand it cause it was written so horribly. It is undoubtfully my worst writing ever. I am so ashamed that I don't even wanna read it.
2. I do not want to rush through the story because of time constraint..
If I continue like this, I will have no choice but to rush through the story to finish it before school starts but I really don't want to do that. Characters, like people, have feelings, they just don't appear overnight! Oh! I can predict what you're gonna say next: then don't rush through it! HAHA! Let me ask you then, when school starts, will I even have the time to update it? I know ending it like this is extremely irresponsible of me but I have long stopped seeing myself as a writer or author and as such do not adhere to any rules or responsibilites they may have. I really don't have the time to continue this story, and I'll prefer to stop now than leave it to rot.
3. I don't have experience..
What do I mean by that, you may wonder. Well, it's pretty simple. You see, whatever love I'm writing between Willy and Amelia right now is actually based on my extremely little experience of love and what I see couples doing. There's no REAL feelings in it. Don't you notice that my story is real shallow? I barely touched the conflicting emotions in the characters at all! I don't even know how it feels like to be in love, if I were to be honest. Rejection? Pain? Sadness? Yes, I know them all. Love? I DON'T KNOW A FREAKING SHIT! How is one to write about something that she doesn't know about? It's not possible at all. It simply isn't. I mean, come on! My characters have been going around in circles and circles and it's all because the damn author can't write a shit. FUCK IT. I'm ending it here. Feel free to imagine the ending.
4. I can't feel the emotions..
Okay, this last reason is basically the REAL reason why I'm stopping this story. It is, what you call, the crux of the issue. I just can't feel happy at all! I actually experienced this very problem the moment when Amelia forgave Willy and she's real happy about it. I really tried to SHOW and not TELL, but I realised that the only sentence I could type out was that she was really happy. Full stop.
Happiness. How does one shows it? At that moment, I was astonished to find out that I really didn't know. Sure, when people are happy, they smile right? BUT IS THAT REALLY HAPPINESS? OR IS IT SIMPLY JOY? What do you really do when you're EXTREMELY happy? Laugh till you cry? Smile till your lips are pulled to your chin? Jump up in the air? Run from one place to another cause you just can't stand still? I really have no idea. Hah! And so, look at what I wrote! I just made her jump on her bed like a lunatic to try (and failing) to show that she's happy.
HOW DOES ONE REACT WHEN THE GUY SHE LOVES TELLS HER THAT HE LOVES HER BACK?
That question, I cannot answer, for I have not experienced it for myself yet. Sadness I can write, but happiness, I really can't. At first, I tried. I really did. When Michelle told me that the character, Amelia, didn't sound happy at all, I tried to include happy and fluffy scenes between Willy and Amelia, and in the end? It didn't turn out right at all! I just HAD to add an angst scene at the end! I JUST CAN'T FREAKING WRITE HAPPY STORIES. This probably has to do with the fact that I just don't believe in happy love stories.
Everyone will break up sooner or later. Love won't last forever. This is like my philosophy of some sorts. Note this, when I say that love won't last forever, I meant the romantic love between a guy and girl, not the love between your friends and family. In simple words, I just don't believe in romantic love anymore. So, how can I, a non-believer write love stories? No. I can't. I can't even believe in it, much less express it. How do I even begin writing it? It's simply impossible.
Oh, now I can just imagine Yilian saying that I should have more faith in myself and my abilities yadah yadah etc. Now, Yilian, before you say it, let me tell you this, I thank you for your care and concern and I really appreciate it but this is really not a matter of the faith I put in my abilities. No! This is a matter of my own fundamental being. I simply cannot write love stories because I don't believe in it, it has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with my low self-esteem.
Sighs. Now I sound like some bad guy brushing off Yilian. Okay, let me rephrase this, Yilian, thank you, but I really know what I'm doing. :D *inserts lots of smiley faces* Ta~ Da~ At least now that I don't sound like some ingrateful brat. :)
As for Tingwei, oh my God, I really really don't know what to say! :'( You've been my most AVID supporter since the start of the story and now that it's all going down the drain, I really can't imagine how you feel. I have no face to see you! :'( Sighs. I really don't know what to say. I can't promise that I will continue this story in the future cause I know there's a REAL slim (and close to zero) chance of that happening but to stop here abruptly is like really bad to you.
But on the other hand, how am I supposed to continue? It's due time for happy scenes and I can't even type one out! AARGH. (Even Michelle's and my story is giving me problems, just check out the latest chapter here and you'll know what I mean. There's no expression of emotions! I'm TELLING not SHOWING! T-T) I just don't know what to do! :( Tingwei, just think of me as those wattpad authors who never continue their stories. Think of me as an extremely irresponsible author! *deep bows* (You can throw your rotten eggs now.)
Now, for all those readers out there who have been reading my story, I sincerely apologise for this downturn of events from the bottom of my heart. Note that the moment that I can even begin to feel remotely the happiness of love, I will continue the story.
However, until then, this story, Histori Dashurie, shall end here on an unfinished dot. Once again, I sincerely apologise for any inconvenience caused.
Yours sincerely,
An extremely failed author/writer,
Amelia
P.S. Yes, I'm still continuing Michelle's and my story so you can check out my writing there. Let me just add that the latest chapter was written by me solely without Michelle's editing at all so feel free to inspect it and you'll finally see my problem with emotions. Thank you!
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