emo(?)

Blogging here CAUSE I'm waiting for my Detective Conan movie to buffer finish haha. Have been rewatching that anime ever since my return from Suzhou. That anime rocks okay? Fuck anyone who doesn't think it does. I don't know. I was arguing with Vincent cause he said Conan sucks haha.

Alright. So yesterday was a really bad day since my practical sucks cock and I swear I thought the dog was gonna bleed to death but fuck it. It didn't die so yeah. Sighs. At this rate animals are really gonna die by my hands. :/ Hate this stupid hands of mine.

Post lab's 5% and I already don't know the answers to the questions given. I don't know if I can even pass this shit. Kinda giving up already haha. (I know I need a tight slap in the face)  But this time, things are really different.

Previously when I'm upset no one tends to notice in school. It's always me just holding it all in haha. When I pricked Seven with my trembling hands and everyone panicked my brain literally stopped. I didn't withdraw the needle properly. It was supposed to be only a small dot but I didn't do a good job obviously. Like I said, everyone panicked. OF COURSE THE BLOODY DOG WENT CRAZY TOO. And yes, it's "bloody" dog cause the dog was bloody. I don't know man. I think that was when shit really went crazy. All I saw was blood blood and blood. In my mind my brain was like: It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault...

It's scary. I thought being calm was easy but ya know, when I saw Seven bleeding I really wanted to cry. But you know what's the best thing about animals? They give no shit about what you do to them. They don't bear grudges. Seven wasn't hurt in the end. I was frightened but Seven recovered really fast. He wasn't afraid after a while. Makes me seem like the stupid one now lol.

Anyway, back to my main point, no one really notices when I screw up my practical and stuff but this time, Huini did and it's kinda weird cause I never expect anyone to show concern. Ever. It's weird. I don't know. My clique is really starting to become a clique in which everyone actually cares for one another.

W.E.I.R.D

I don't know what's going on already man. After I get used to being alone and now shit happens and I actually have friends. Ya gonna say I'm lucky? I don't think so lol. I rather have no friends in poly now. My mind set is fucked up but whatever. I'm fucked up LOL.

Went out with Carity and Tongtong today. Tongtong told me something disappointing. I guess I can understand her reasons. It's like I know why she did whatever she did but it just makes me so fucking disappointed even though I tried to control my disappointment. Don't ask what she did. It's really nothing lol. I'm just disappointed cause I really thought she would continue but sighs. It's not really her fault either. I know it. I just can't help it.

But compared to me, she has more difficulty in facing her aunt hasn't she? :( Damn it. Why does the worst things always happen to the worst people in my life? WHY? Like what the fuck did they ever do wrong? I feel like I live such a fortunate life sometimes. Really hate how the world's so unfair such that people like me has such a good life while others like them don't have. Why? I don't understand. We're the same yet we lead such different lives. Makes me mad. Infuriating even.

Why is the world so fucking unfair? :(

I just don't know.

Whatever, Back to watching Detective Conan. Denial is bliss. SAYONARA~

理解跟谅解是两码事。
恨也只不过是一种爱的表现。
失望乃是期望的空缺。 
爱也中将成为恨的结晶。