overwhelming fear

“Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'

'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.” 

― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

I didn't want to blog at first but I'm just super scared now so here I am now, blogging while trying to calm myself down. *takes a deep breath* I cannot believe this is happening. *exhales*

It's not much of a big deal actually. It's just a home visitation to the beneficiaries, it's just making awkward conversations with people, it's just leading and attempting to know what's going on when I don't, not really. God. Why is my bloody name highlighted? Is this their way of mocking us freshies? For us to undertake leadership responsibilities when we're clearly not ready for it?

*inhales**exhales*

I've gotta calm down, really. It's just a home visitation sheesh. There's nothing scary about it. No, nothing at all. Nothing at all... :(

How am I supposed to write a home visitation report? How am I even supposed to do anything? As if it isn't worse enough, I'm actually paired with two males in a team like God, why not another female? Why am I the only female? And why are the two people paired with me the two people that I'm awkward with? What can I possibly gain from this?

*breathes out in 1.. 2... 3...*

I really gotta calm down sheesh. CALM DOWN WOMAN.

You can do this.
Or die trying.

But you can. Think of happy thoughts!

Bed. Bed. Bed. Bed.

God. I don't know anymore.

GOODBYE.

P.S. Putting my schedule here so I'll remember. (ignore it!)

Fri: 9am wake up. Prepare for online tutorial at 10am. Meet Lola to explore Lasalle and NAFA.
Sat: 8.30am wake up. Go Home Visitation. Die.
Sun: 8.30am wake up. Si En's birthday celebration leggo.

I CAN DO THIS OMG.

YOU EITHER DO IT

or die trying

Godbless.